October Chat Thread - Page 10 « Back to Group Discussions

[timesway]

Memoira, i also have a list of coping mechanisms the lengh of my elbow which are non pregnancy friendly, ive been going with the cleaning and the spending more money then i have ones for now.. but trying to keep them contained as obviously im gonna need money for when the babys gonna be born and dont wanna get too obsessive with cleaning.. could u go see a councellor for while your preg? help u come to terms with the things which are triggering you? *hugs* im thinking of tryig to get some for dealin gwith my mum issues so that i can be a good mum myself.

[timesway]

eeek.. dont believe we're nearly in november :o .. i feel like the first bit crawled by .. then it went really fast this last 2 weeks.. i FINALLLY found maternity tights by travelling out to bristol yest, and i have invested in far too much moneys worth of maternity clothes, but its cold, and tummys starting to poke out.. and i just wanted to be prepared seeming as nowhere near where i lives sells maternity stuff.. its quite crazy how much my boobs and tummy have popped out in the last week.. i feel like im carrying a rubber ring aswell tho which probably isnt helping (damn water retention) so im gonna get myself to the drs to make sure my kidneys are ok i think as i should be on long term antibiotics and im not on any because he was waiting to hear from urologist as to the dose- hmm.. in the meantime my wee is a dark camelly weird cloudy colour.. not good i dont think seeming as i have kidney probs.. anyone else been maternity shopping yet?

[Lynann]

Megmoira I wish I had a solution for you. I've found that I can avoid the triggers everywhere except Facebook. (I don't go out much and don't watch TV) It seems like my newsfeed is constantly full of political statements about those issues by well meaning friends who have no concept of how deep the damage runs and how their show of support actually makes things harder on those of us who are survivors.

I wanted to respond earlier, but its been a tough few days. I've been having a lot of insomnia, which is my big first symptom that I'm not doing so well, and if I don't get on top of it quickly it usually leads to a major bout of depression that will take several months to a couple of years to get on top of.

I did stop going on FB for a while when it was really bad a couple of months ago, and I'm thinking of doing the same until the election is over and everyone gets off their political soap boxes.

As for coping. I write. I've kept a journal since I was 10 and I find writing down my thoughts can be helpful. If I need to get rid of pent up energy I have found baking bread to be a good outlet. The kneading by hand gives my arms and upper body a work out, then afterwards we get to enjoy some tasty fresh bread.

I'm just glad that another week and it'll pretty much be over for all the constant triggers.

[AmandaLynnH]

Originally Posted by Megmoira 

Hi! I've been lurking for a while, and I know I'm not the only person with drama here, but I could use some help. (AmandaLynnH, Timesaway, I'm sending good vibes your way, and I hope your respective problem people get struck by laryngitis, but only when they're being jerks.)

I have PTSD due to rape trauma, and the current political season has been very triggering for me.  For those of you who aren't familiar, being triggered is a involuntary response. It's not quite reflex, in that you can stuff it down and get to a safe place before losing your control, but it cannot be avoided.  Two of my most effective coping mechanisms aren't so great during pregnancy (Lifting weights until I'm physically exhausted is one of them, and the other is smoking half a cigarette. That's not healthy anytime, but it makes me embarrassed in a way that derails the reaction. There are some studies indicating that nicotine can act as a SSRI, so that may be helping, I don't really know, but it's not a risk I'm willing to accept right now.)

That leaves me with walking briskly... but not to the point of physical exhaustion. And while I can totally do that while pregnant, I'm a bit self conscious about walking around all teary faced. I'm not showing yet, but I have a neighborhood where walking around crying would get noticed and the neighbors would come talk to me. It's wonderful that they care, but I don't know how to pass it off as nothing to worry about.  Once I'm visibly pregnant, or even now, I suppose, I could just say I'm ok, its pregnancy hormones... but that's a little embarrassing too. I may be a delicate flower, but I'll be damned if I get treated like I'm not capable due to my pregnancy. That's just insulting to me.

Can anyone suggest some pregnancy safe high stress coping mechanisms? My midwife has offered to set me up with a social worker (I was also abused as a kid, and will not be passing that nightmare along), so I can ask for help next Friday, but until then, my best option is a complete media blackout, but that is no guarantee while I'm in public or at work.

Thanks for your help. 

Would it be possible to get a treadmill or do some exercise at home videos?  Have you tried journaling?  Some other sort of creative outlet, perhaps making art work for your little one's room?  I'm sorry you have to deal with that.  Unsubscribe from people as necessary.

<hugs>

Originally Posted by nstewart 

Amanda, sorry you are dealing with such a tough family situation as well.  I am all for fighting to maintain family relationships, but at a certain point you have to look out for yourself and now for your little bean (or velociraptor as the case may be) that's on the way.  Are you going to want your mom in your kid's life?  If not, I'd seriously consider cutting your ties sooner rather than later. To be honest, I feel a bit of a jerk for giving you any advice, because while my mom can be pretty selfish and a bit controlling (and a work-a-holic, but that's another matter) she is over-all well meaning and I don't have a bad relationship with her.  So, I guess what I'm saying is, take my advice as being from someone who doesn't know what you are going through but feels like it must be a super sh*tty situation.

I know that I will eventually cut off contact with her at some point and if I had my way she'd never meet the little one...unless it is a velociraptor and then I'd be ok with them meeting for lunch, heh.  But it's hard since I've basically been programmed since birth to cater to her every whim so cutting it off without some big, important reason is difficult.  It'll happen though as adding children to the mix seems to make her condition worse.  She's really deteriorated over the last two years and more so in the last year when my brother got divorced and had a kid (yes you read that right).

Quote:

Originally Posted by BaileyB 

Been there. Done that. Haven't looked back. And that was over a year ago, and she doesn't even know I am pregnant again and we are hoping it stays that way. I could go on about my mother for days!

I'm sorry you had a sucky experience with your mom too.  It's always nice to meet people who understand until you realize that they had to go through the same crap you did.  She hijacked our posts announcing the pregnancy asking if she could tell people finally now.  Because you know I've just been making her hold in the news instead of blabbing it to my grandparents (oh wait, she already did that!), siblings (just the one she competes with though!), and coworkers for fun not because, you know, I told her at 6 weeks and things can happen.  Sigh.

We did announce on facebook yesterday, which also happened to be our anniversary.  People have been super supportive except for one "friend" who is noticeably absent.  We were really good friends through work and she and my DH are distant relatives and grew up together.  About a year ago she starts dating another coworker (after I pointed out there might be something between them, I might add) and basically fell off the face of the planet.  They got married really quick because he was enlisting and is now off at basic training.  We were not invited to the wedding (but I was to the shower!) which really hurt, and even though I've made every effort to be there for her throughout the wedding planning process, and them moving, and his leaving, no comment, like, nada from her on either of our pages regarding the announcement.    I'm guessing she's hidden us from her feed.  I have no idea what I did to piss her off and my DH keeps telling me to give up but I really thought she was different.  That she would be a friend I'd have for a really long time.  Guess not.  It's been bugging me for a while and her lack of response kinda confirms what I've figured for a while, that she's given up.  Makes me sad.

FINALLY seem to have gotten rid of this cold but I hope that I'm not getting another migraine.  I've been having some symptoms like sensitivity to smell and sound and some funky vision things so I'm trying to head it off with my mate tea (midwife approved, yay!).  Hope it doesn't get bad and just sticks with the non-painful symptoms.  

DH and I did nearly nothing this weekend except for go and get some Halloween decorations for the house (just a simple but adorable metal pumpkin and a mum for our porch steps) and candy.  I am so stoked for trick or treaters since we've never been able to have them before but holy cow that candy is tempting.  I may have to test it.  Just to make sure it's not poisoned.  You know, for the kids...

How's everyone's Monday going?

Timesaway, how are you doing today?  Do we need to form a preggo mob and go smack the ex?  I can't speak for everyone but I know I wouldn't mind an outlet for a little pregnancy aggression (anyone see last week's Modern Family where Gloria is a bit hot-headed?).

I do swear that if one more person makes a joke about me being pregnant being the reason I felt sick not a cold I will smack someone.  I'm aware pregnancy can increase mucous but pretty sure pervasive hacking cough is not a pregnancy symptom.  Plus my DH had it first.  Unless there's something he's not telling me I don't think he's pregnant.

[BaileyB]

Amanda Lynn - when I was pregnant with my first I had strep throat right away before I even had time to get any MS. I was only like 4-5-6 weeks something like that, so we weren't really wanting to tell anyone. Every time I said I wasn't going somewhere because of strep throat DH's family would roll their eyes and say 'Yea,"strep throat" sure....' Then when we did announce they all thought they had called my bluff. I got so mad! Like, I'm not frickin' lying people I did have strep throat!

Anyway, we are having a really low key Monday. I am just finally starting to get around to picking up the house and doing some laundry. Other than that we painted our nails today, fed our animals, and that's it! Also, I took a look at DD's smashed finger to try and determine if her stitches were ready to be taken out. I took out one of three. The other 2 didn't really look like they were 100% ready. Boy did DD NOT appreciate the one I pulled out, though. And I was really gentle and just pulled it out smoothly. I think the sensation of feeling it come out freaked her out, too. She has an appt on Wed now to have her finger looked at again.

[timesway]

Has anyones symptoms suddenly worsened heading into 2nd trimester? i have a cold which isnt helping, but omg my BOOOOBS OUCH.. and sudddenly im doubly sick, doubly itchy.. yum...

a mob? ah yes.. that woould be wonderful, every day i think it has become a little bit better he suprisses me by following it with a day of 10xworse!!! Alsoo.. talking about mothers telling people without asking u first :S (can we use the mob for our mums too?!!)

todays been lovely with my neice. .we told her i was preg and she was soooo excited :D eee.. we got a pic with her, my tummy, my scan and me.. she was excited (at 5) to have first pic with the baby :) <3 love my niecey so much, made my day :)
 

[CoBabyMaker]

  to all those dealing with trauma.  I'm afraid I don't have any advice but I hope you can each find something that is truly helpful for you.

AmandaLynn, I am glad you are over your cold!  Hopefully the migraines will let up soon.  Did you have migraines pre-pregnancy also?

Timesaway, How fun to share that with your niece!  She sounds so sweet!  I loved sharing my pregnancy with my nieces!  My niece was three when I was pregnant with my first and thought she had a baby in her tummy too!

Still dealing with MS here but at least the Zofran is keeping me from puking most of the time and I can sort of function.  I just are half a spaghetti squash.  I feel like I am needing to eat a fair amount not to feel sick but I still don't have any appetite so it's not that fun.  Oh well, I'm just glad I'm not puking all day long and can actually care for my kids.

DD2 has been so ready to learn to go on the potty but I just didn't have the energy.   I decided to bite the bullet today and just do it.  So we went to Target so she could pick out some undies and she chose Hello Kitty.  I told her Hello Kitty didn't want to have peepee on her so we needed to go on the potty to keep her dry.  On the way home she was sitting in her seat, holding the package of underwear and I hear, " I won't Hello Kitty, I p-womise.  I wont, I p-womise Hello Kitty....Uh oh!  She's not talking to me!"     Silly little girl,  she cracks me up!  Making promises to her underwear and wondering why it's not responding. 

[timesway]

cobabymaker-hahahaha.. thats adorable.. this is what i cant wait for!!  My neice is amazing.. u know when u have a relative u look a lot like and who has a massively similar personality to you? it just sortve makes you bond closer? well my niece is my double!! people have thought she was mine lots before.. and i love her as if she was!! <3 she loved finding out so early :D was making her extremely excited, and gave me a nice bit of happy to focus on away from the ex stress..

Also found out  my gramps knows now too.. feels SO real now my family know, still not allowed to announce on fb.. (ex being a pain again) but yeh.. so happy to have it a little more out there.. :D yayyyy im gonna be a mummy (does a little excited dance.. haha sorry im such a child!!)
 

[jacquelinej]

Megmoria,

Oh dealing with PTSD...yes, I can unfortunatly relate all to well.  I have not found much to help with the stress other the journaling and a therapist.  And the occassional escapism into a book or game.  I do absolutely avoid TV and FB when I am in a low period.  And my close friends know when I am dealing with it because I become a hermit.  Between PTSD, depression and anxiety, I was once a basket case and a half (possibly still am ).  WIth a family set that I have, although not nearly as bad as some on here, they do make my DH want to throttle them pretty often.  I hope you can find something soothing.  I might also recommend swimming, I do enjoy a good leisurely swim when I am stressed because I can completely focus on my arm and leg movements.  Of course, a pool is not always accessible. So that's when I get out my music and headphones, my black incognito baseball cap and sunglasses and start walking briskly.  People don't recognize me in that combo, maybe that's an option to find something that hides your face and eyes?

Lynann I hope you start feeling better, have you considered some of the safer herbal alternatives for the insomnia?  I know that is also one of my beginning signs that I am headed for a bad time.  I've been struggling myself with this recently.

CoBabyMaker, your DD is too cute.  And I thought mine was the only one to talk to her clothing...she once saw this commercial when she was 4 for laundry detergent where the shirt was speaking with a mouth on it and she looked down at her shirt expectantly.  It was truly hilarious the way she kept eyeing her shirt like it should start talking!

BaileyB, maybe you should try it next time while she is distracted?  Like watching TV or doing something with someone else?  DD is also very sensitive on these things, but laughter seems to distract her from pain, and she is very ticklish.  Are you still doing the acupuncture?

AmandaLynn, I don't know how you haven't cut her off yet.  I did cut off my family at one point for several months, I just could not handle their issues and my own.  Your mother should be grateful, but well we all know that will never happen.  I have no advice in dealing with family drama although I was able to convince my mother to get on an antidepressant which I monitor pretty carefully and she improved a lot.  But she wanted to improve and that makes a difference.  Now, if only I could get my older brother to want to improve his relationships...therapy sure would help him a lot.

Timesaway It will pass, I seem to be going through some high MS days and then low days.  I thought I was through it since I had 8 blissful days....but no such luck, it is back and stronger then ever.  Keep that ex at a distance it doesn't sound like you need any more stress in your life and he will surely be a source for years to come since you also have a baby together.

My house is a disaster and has been for about a month.  We were supposed to host 2 or 3 dinners this month and it is not happening.  I am too tired and it is all we can manage to wash the dishes when we need them and cook 3 meals a day.  DH has been incredibly supportive.  At least I manage to wash the clothes and vacuum once a week.  The apartment management comes in once a month to do a walk through (the joys of living in corporate housing) so we will have to clean up this weekend as the date will be sometime next week most likely.  Lets hope they are not early as they were last month, that sent me into a panic because DH was away in the US when they came.

I am sleeping a lot, 10.5 hours last night but I don't know that all of it is really sleeping.  I think my anxiety is starting to interfere again and I may have to do something more proactive about it.  Not really looking forward to that since I already am low on the energy.  I've also noticed my energy levels are way down, even when I sleep well.  Oh to have a full 8 hour sleep and wake up well rested!

[nstewart]

Originally Posted by CoBabyMaker 

DD2 has been so ready to learn to go on the potty but I just didn't have the energy.   I decided to bite the bullet today and just do it.  So we went to Target so she could pick out some undies and she chose Hello Kitty.  I told her Hello Kitty didn't want to have peepee on her so we needed to go on the potty to keep her dry.  On the way home she was sitting in her seat, holding the package of underwear and I hear, " I won't Hello Kitty, I p-womise.  I wont, I p-womise Hello Kitty....Uh oh!  She's not talking to me!"     Silly little girl,  she cracks me up!  Making promises to her underwear and wondering why it's not responding. 

That is soooo cute!  I hope that potty learning goes well for you.  Do you have a particular method you are planning to use?  I've heard the panty thing can really work (ie: wanting to wear pretty panties and not diapers).

Originally Posted by jacquelinej 

Lynann I hope you start feeling better, have you considered some of the safer herbal alternatives for the insomnia?  I know that is also one of my beginning signs that I am headed for a bad time.  I've been struggling myself with this recently.

Jackie, do you know of anything in particular that is safe?  I've been struggling with insomnia too and I am so so so tired!  I bought DH some melatonin, but the container says that it is not safe to use during pregnancy.  My friend said it must be underlying anxiety (he suffers a great deal from anxiety and depression) but I don't know what about (although as I understand from him it doesn't have to be anxiety about anything, just anxiety).  I just lay there, thinking about nothing in particular, unable to fall asleep even if I'm exhausted.  Maybe it's just hormones?

BaileyB, maybe you should try it next time while she is distracted?  Like watching TV or doing something with someone else?  DD is also very sensitive on these things, but laughter seems to distract her from pain, and she is very ticklish.  Are you still doing the acupuncture?

My Aunt had a really good trick for taking out splinters, which was to very gently blow on your finger while she pulled it out.  I think part of it was her telling you it wouldn't hurt, etc. and then the little breeze giving you a different sensation to focus on.  Maybe that can help?

I am sleeping a lot, 10.5 hours last night but I don't know that all of it is really sleeping.  I think my anxiety is starting to interfere again and I may have to do something more proactive about it.  Not really looking forward to that since I already am low on the energy.  I've also noticed my energy levels are way down, even when I sleep well.  Oh to have a full 8 hour sleep and wake up well rested!  Amen!  I'm wondering if maybe I need some iron supplements?  I've never had low iron, but my midwife mentioned at my last appointment that it can be related to fatigue.  Have you considered iron levels at all?

So who has kidlets going out trick or treating tomorrow?  I've been working on finishing up DSs robot costume with some help from my DH.  There is snow on the ground here so I'm glad I made it big enough for him to wear a warm jacket underneath!  DS is only 2, so I think our trick or treating will be a short outing, but it'll be fun anyway.  And we'll have to make a trip to my moms so she can see his costume too.  Fortunetely she lives close by.  Anyone else have Halloween plans?

[adventuregirl]

We'll be trick-or-treating! DD is 8 and is sooooooooooooooo excited for Halloween. We are carving pumpkins tonight and there is a parade/party at school tomorrow. DD is dressing as a bat. I made her wings attached to a shirt, which I have to repair tonight as she trashed it a bit at a Halloween party on Saturday. I'll be walking around with the kids in the neighborhood, which will be fun. It supposed to be in the 50's here tomorrow evening, so not too cold, but I will be sure to be carrying a warm beverage for myself to enjoy.

Awesome to get everyone's updates, take care all of you who are struggling!

Things here are good, I feel a little lest exhausted than in previous weeks, hooray! Still just waiting for time to pass so I can let everyone in my life know what's up! I'm 11 wks now, so getting so close.

[timesway]

Originally Posted by jacquelinej 

Timesaway It will pass, I seem to be going through some high MS days and then low days.  I thought I was through it since I had 8 blissful days....but no such luck, it is back and stronger then ever.  Keep that ex at a distance it doesn't sound like you need any more stress in your life and he will surely be a source for years to come since you also have a baby together.

thankyou.. i hope so.. its become awful at night.. the colds not helping, but i cant get to sleep, and then like you, when i do sleep, im sleeping for hours and hours..  im like a teenage boy ;) haha dont get out of bed til 2/3pm!!!

No babys yet to go out trick or treating with.. cant wait til mines old enough, my mum never let us go and ive always wanted to go out.. or even just have a trick or treater knock on my door.. but since i left the *HALLOWeEN IS eviL* house, noone trick or treats round where ive lived.. rubbish!!!

[Ghislaine]

Originally Posted by nstewart 

So who has kidlets going out trick or treating tomorrow?  I've been working on finishing up DSs robot costume with some help from my DH.  There is snow on the ground here so I'm glad I made it big enough for him to wear a warm jacket underneath!  DS is only 2, so I think our trick or treating will be a short outing, but it'll be fun anyway.  And we'll have to make a trip to my moms so she can see his costume too.  Fortunetely she lives close by.  Anyone else have Halloween plans?

We are taking my daughter trick or treating tomorrow night.  Every year since she could walk we've taken her over to my husband's cousin's house so that she and the cousin's kids can go around their neighborhood together.  We live fairly rural so it we'd practically have to drive the car for house to house if we were to try to do it here!  We actually took my daughter trick or treating on Saturday since my Belgian relatives were here and it was arranged as part of an event downtown to trick or treat at the stores.  The Belgians are kinda fascinated by trick or treating since it's something that's only just starting to be done in Europe.  They were amazed that kids wore costumes that weren't just ghosts, witches, and that type of thing.

I, too, have noticed that MS isn't as bad as long as I make sure I don't get hungry.  It's the two colds I've had so far with a lingering cough and the fatigue that's getting to me right now!

[Quinalla]

Hey everyone! For those who didn't catch it in the other threads, OMG I am having twins Not been posting much as my sister's wedding was the weekend. Was mostly fun with some frustrations surrounding my parents and their spoiling of my DD and unrealistic expectations and not respecting me and DH as adults/parents at times, but we've decided we are going to address it with them (again) and then just do whatever we need to do. My brother who is right after me in age is also going to talk to them as they tend to listen to him better than the rest of us. I don't want to bore you all, but DH has decided for now he is not coming back for Thanksgiving as he needs a break from their BS and I can't blame them. He said he is fine with me and Sydney going, even though he is bummed to miss out on Thanksgiving with us, but he just can't take it. He may change his mind depending on the outcome of my brother talking to my parents, but I doubt it. Anyway, lots of fun...but twins, wow! I'm mostly over the shock and full on into research mode as that is one of the ways I deal the best with new things. The OB is confident (and so am I from the U/S we saw) that they are di/di, separate sacs, separate placentas, so the lowest risk twins. Probably fraternal (DZ) as those run in the family, but can't tell for sure yet.

For Halloween, DD's daycare always does a trick or treat in the daycare, either out of people's trunks if the weather is nice or inside their gym if not. So I'll go to that with Sydney tomorrow and she's going to be Captain America as that is her current favorite, she's been wearing the costume nearly everyday since I brought it home. We won't do regular trick or treat as with her allergies (peanuts & tree nuts) there is just so much of the treats that I would have to take away and she is too young to understand that yet. When she's older, we'll work out a trade system so she can get something she can eat for the stuff she can't.

For pregnancy symptoms, all of a sudden I'm into the OMG hungry mode I was in for most of my first pregnancy. Which is good honeslty as I need to eat more than I have been for twin, especially more protein. I did a quick grocery store run today at lunch to stock up on protein heavy snacks for work (peanut butter & cheese bread, greek yogurt and PB&Cheese crackers) and I'll pick up some eggs to make hard-boiled ones tonight along with whatever else I can think of that is peanut/treenut free for home, definitely some yogurt and string cheese or other cheese snack for home. I'm already getting into that it's hard to get comfortable to sleep time that I didn't really get into until at least half-way through last time. I'm going to be breaking out pillows soon!

[CoBabyMaker]

Do you have a particular method you are planning to use?  I've heard the panty thing can really work (ie: wanting to wear pretty panties and not diapers).

Eh, not really.  We just let them pick out undies(cause they need them) and put them on the potty frequently, high five for going pee, tiny piece of chocolate for poop.  DD is so ready, she only had one accident yesterday and even pooped on the potty.  I put her in a diaper for nap but she woke up dry.   DD1 learned at about the same age but wasn't as ready so this time feels much easier.  I only did it that soon with DD1 because she kept hiding after she pooped and then would get a rash. 

BaileyB, Hope the appt. goes well tomorrow!

I think the insomnia is largely hormone related for me.  I suppose I do have a lot to be anxious about right now but I have been praying a lot and most of the time I don't feel anxious.  Last night I woke and I had to eat before I could go back to sleep.  I hate eating in the middle of the night-it feels so weird! 

Quinalla, I'm sorry family drama is messing with Thanksgiving for you and DH!  That is SO crappy!  I don't know if I would have the guts to just not go.

As far as Halloween goes I think we are going to snuggle up with a movie and our own treats.  We're Christians and I don't love Halloween but I am not of the "It's so evil to go trick or treating" camp either.  Our kids also have allergies so the candy isn't really an option for them so trick or treating seems lame.  Last year I made safe candy and gave it to the person running the game at our church party but our church  isn't doing a party this year.  I took DD trick or treating to our neighbors house but I think she was just confused and left saying, "I got some candy for Daddy!" since she can't have it due to allergies.    I feel scroogy not getting candy for the trick or treaters but last time we did that DD stood over the bowl looking sad and muttering about corn and dairy.  It was just so sad. 

[AmandaLynnH]

Originally Posted by BaileyB 

Amanda Lynn - when I was pregnant with my first I had strep throat right away before I even had time to get any MS. I was only like 4-5-6 weeks something like that, so we weren't really wanting to tell anyone. Every time I said I wasn't going somewhere because of strep throat DH's family would roll their eyes and say 'Yea,"strep throat" sure....' Then when we did announce they all thought they had called my bluff. I got so mad! Like, I'm not frickin' lying people I did have strep throat!

Anyway, we are having a really low key Monday. I am just finally starting to get around to picking up the house and doing some laundry. Other than that we painted our nails today, fed our animals, and that's it! Also, I took a look at DD's smashed finger to try and determine if her stitches were ready to be taken out. I took out one of three. The other 2 didn't really look like they were 100% ready. Boy did DD NOT appreciate the one I pulled out, though. And I was really gentle and just pulled it out smoothly. I think the sensation of feeling it come out freaked her out, too. She has an appt on Wed now to have her finger looked at again.

Yea, apparently when we become pregnant we either become stupid or fibbers.  I mean, I know sometimes I played up the cold instead of saying I was tired because I'm pregnant but I'm very clear on which symptoms were from which.  

Hope the rest of DD's stitches come out easily and pain free for her!

Originally Posted by timesway 

Has anyones symptoms suddenly worsened heading into 2nd trimester? i have a cold which isnt helping, but omg my BOOOOBS OUCH.. and sudddenly im doubly sick, doubly itchy.. yum...

a mob? ah yes.. that woould be wonderful, every day i think it has become a little bit better he suprisses me by following it with a day of 10xworse!!! Alsoo.. talking about mothers telling people without asking u first :S (can we use the mob for our mums too?!!)

todays been lovely with my neice. .we told her i was preg and she was soooo excited :D eee.. we got a pic with her, my tummy, my scan and me.. she was excited (at 5) to have first pic with the baby :) <3 love my niecey so much, made my day :)
 

I thought maybe I was having a slight m/s regression this morning but I think I'm just kinda migraine-y.  Fortunately the pain hasn't kicked in and doesn't seem like it will, just a little sensitive to light and extra sensitive to smell and my stomach is a bit off.  Happily my midwife okayed my tea and that always helps and I'm taking it easy working from home today.  

And sure, I can get the mob my mom's address and send them toward her.  We'll have to lay out the path that makes the most sense between your ex (and um, I say tell whoever YOU want when YOU want to, not let him dictate it), your mom, my mom, and a few other mom's here.  

Your day with your niece sounds lovely.  Glad you had a good day!

Originally Posted by CoBabyMaker 

AmandaLynn, I am glad you are over your cold!  Hopefully the migraines will let up soon.  Did you have migraines pre-pregnancy also?

Still dealing with MS here but at least the Zofran is keeping me from puking most of the time and I can sort of function.  I just are half a spaghetti squash.  I feel like I am needing to eat a fair amount not to feel sick but I still don't have any appetite so it's not that fun.  Oh well, I'm just glad I'm not puking all day long and can actually care for my kids.

DD2 has been so ready to learn to go on the potty but I just didn't have the energy.   I decided to bite the bullet today and just do it.  So we went to Target so she could pick out some undies and she chose Hello Kitty.  I told her Hello Kitty didn't want to have peepee on her so we needed to go on the potty to keep her dry.  On the way home she was sitting in her seat, holding the package of underwear and I hear, " I won't Hello Kitty, I p-womise.  I wont, I p-womise Hello Kitty....Uh oh!  She's not talking to me!"     Silly little girl,  she cracks me up!  Making promises to her underwear and wondering why it's not responding. 

I did have hormonal ones prior to getting pregnant.  I was promised they'd go away either around age 30 (turned 30 in July) or when I have kids.  I'm now 30 and pregnant and want my money back, lol.  Fortunately this seems to be a light experience so far <knock wood>, just the secondary symptoms rather than the pain so that's nice at least.  And my boss is gone for another week so that helps too as I can work from home really easily.  

Too cute about your DD!

Originally Posted by jacquelinej 

AmandaLynn, I don't know how you haven't cut her off yet.  I did cut off my family at one point for several months, I just could not handle their issues and my own.  Your mother should be grateful, but well we all know that will never happen.  I have no advice in dealing with family drama although I was able to convince my mother to get on an antidepressant which I monitor pretty carefully and she improved a lot.  But she wanted to improve and that makes a difference.  Now, if only I could get my older brother to want to improve his relationships...therapy sure would help him a lot.

My house is a disaster and has been for about a month.  We were supposed to host 2 or 3 dinners this month and it is not happening.  I am too tired and it is all we can manage to wash the dishes when we need them and cook 3 meals a day.  DH has been incredibly supportive.  At least I manage to wash the clothes and vacuum once a week.  The apartment management comes in once a month to do a walk through (the joys of living in corporate housing) so we will have to clean up this weekend as the date will be sometime next week most likely.  Lets hope they are not early as they were last month, that sent me into a panic because DH was away in the US when they came.

Yea, when I cut her off it'll be for good.  She has no interest in getting help.  I suggested it several times during our last conversation.  She mentions feeling so overwhelmed and constantly worried (about things she could change but that's another story) and talks about doing what she has to do so she stays sane and doesn't kill herself and I just sit there and go, 'yea, clearly you're handling this well....'  But it's not my job to take care of her emotionally and I cannot save her (despite what she's tried to indoctrinate into me for 30 years).  She's responsible for her life and her choices and if she won't get help and something happens, that's on her.  I've done all I can and now it's time to protect myself and my family from getting drawn into the dysfunction I had no choice to be a part of.

So I'm guessing it's too soon to take my little one trick or treating?  Especially since I'm not showing at all?  Drat, guess I'll have to buy my own Halloween candy this year.  The daycare at my workplace will trick or treat through the offices so I'm making sure I'm there tomorrow.  Hate to waste a day where it's expected I'll do nothing but look at the cute little kids in costume.  

[moriahmoonstar]

Originally Posted by Megmoira 

Hi! I've been lurking for a while, and I know I'm not the only person with drama here, but I could use some help. (AmandaLynnH, Timesaway, I'm sending good vibes your way, and I hope your respective problem people get struck by laryngitis, but only when they're being jerks.)

I have PTSD due to rape trauma, and the current political season has been very triggering for me.  For those of you who aren't familiar, being triggered is a involuntary response. It's not quite reflex, in that you can stuff it down and get to a safe place before losing your control, but it cannot be avoided.  Two of my most effective coping mechanisms aren't so great during pregnancy (Lifting weights until I'm physically exhausted is one of them, and the other is smoking half a cigarette. That's not healthy anytime, but it makes me embarrassed in a way that derails the reaction. There are some studies indicating that nicotine can act as a SSRI, so that may be helping, I don't really know, but it's not a risk I'm willing to accept right now.)

That leaves me with walking briskly... but not to the point of physical exhaustion. And while I can totally do that while pregnant, I'm a bit self conscious about walking around all teary faced. I'm not showing yet, but I have a neighborhood where walking around crying would get noticed and the neighbors would come talk to me. It's wonderful that they care, but I don't know how to pass it off as nothing to worry about.  Once I'm visibly pregnant, or even now, I suppose, I could just say I'm ok, its pregnancy hormones... but that's a little embarrassing too. I may be a delicate flower, but I'll be damned if I get treated like I'm not capable due to my pregnancy. That's just insulting to me.

Can anyone suggest some pregnancy safe high stress coping mechanisms? My midwife has offered to set me up with a social worker (I was also abused as a kid, and will not be passing that nightmare along), so I can ask for help next Friday, but until then, my best option is a complete media blackout, but that is no guarantee while I'm in public or at work.

Thanks for your help. 

Hi Megmoira. I would highly recommend Penny Simpkins book, When survivors give birth, it's really helpful for sexual abuse survivors and talks about potential triggers in pregnancy and ways to cope. I am an abuse survivor and have a lot of fear about re-creating patterns and have been very triggered recently. Besides reading all the books on conscious parenting I can I am finding self care to be extremely important. I have started seeing a chiropractor that specializes in pregnancy and I feel so relaxed after. I am also seeing an acupuncturist and I talk to her about my fears and how my abuse seems to be constantly triggered right now and she has been extremely helpful in recommending resources, giving me herbs for relaxation, and using points to ease tension and morning sickness. Mine disapeared at 10 weeks, I don't know if I can give her the credit or not. Massage is amazing too and I agree yoga is very relaxing and nourishing. Where I live people in the feild of pregnancy are very understanding of tight budgets but believe pregnant women need extra care and are very willing to work things out. I got my first 3 visits with the chiropractor free, so don't be afraid to ask so you can fit it in.

I love dance and do somethign called NIA, thats been my saving grace. twice a week and I feel like I can handle my life again. Hope that helps.

Oh and ladies I understand the family drama and am so grateful seeing it being discussed. My father is being released from prison in two days, the last we spoke was 2 days before I found out we were pregnant and the reality of his release hit me and it was a terrible explosive conversation. I had started to create this fantasy of what it would be like when he got out, having our family together for the holidays, introducing him to my husbands family....supposedly he has been doing constant work on himself for the last three years and has experienced a lot of healing. but that fantasy broke when he reacted terribly to my wedding which he had previously given his blessing for and since my wedding in May he had been ignoring me. It was because I FINALLY spoke up. The day of my wedding I got this letter that I thought was a poem to be read during the ceremony and instead it was telling my how horrible I was for not waiting for him. So after that I went off, everythiin I had ever thought about him came out. I had been saying for years I forgave him for my scary/ unsafe extremely violent childhood and that wasnt true, so I told him. Everything came out and he couldnt deal with it. Then 4months later he called for my birthday Sept 18th to tell me he cherishes me but he hasnt spoken with me because I am toxic for him and he needs to have bounderies with me, with ME! Anyways I called my mom and sister hysterical and came to the conclusion that he is not healthy for me, then when i found out I was pregnant it brought up so many more emotions and this strong desire to protect my baby and not have him ever touch it. He will be living with my grandmother whom I love, but I still havent told her about the baby because I'm not ready for him to know. And to be honest I'm terrified of his release. Its been so safe having him locked up, I know how bad that sounds.

Anyways, I was up all night at a birth because I just started working for a local midwife and I am beyond exhausted and emotional. Seeing these posts and everything you ladies are going through made me think of his release and I am really grateful for a place to share. Most people IRL don't know about my dad.

Yuck.

I hope you are all doing really well today.Thanks for that.

[timesway]

oh gosh, i can imagine that must be horrible.. HA.. that sounds like the kind of thing my ex says (oh and my mum) .. woo.. its nice when narcissiistic self indulged manipulative people tell you that YOU are the problem isnt it? .. makes u kind of want to murder someone.. only.. u wouldnt do that.. because your kind and nice and everything your dad is not.. have some *hugs* sounds like u need some.. your dad is selfish and stuck up his own rear end.. dont listen to him.. he is toxic to you.!!  something i've been taught a lot lately is often what this kind of person says about us.. is how they feel about themselves and they are just projecting.. the sooner you come to terms with this prospect the easier it will be to take.. you arent a bad person.. and you certainly dont sound toxic.. much love xxx
 

[Megmoira]

Quote:

Originally Posted by nstewart 

Megmoira, it's good to hear from you.  I'm can't imagine what you are going through, I am so sorry.  Have you tried yoga?  It can really really help with stress and anxiety. I have a friend that suffers very badly from depression and anxiety, and managed to convince him to attend yoga with me for a while.  He actually found it really helpful.  I don't know if that's a possibility for you or not.  Also, is there a reason that weight lifting is out?  Can you just not quite take it as far as you have before in terms of exhaustion?  As long as you aren't dizzy afterwards then it's totally fine.

Good luck, I hope you find some useful coping mechanisms and can get through this difficult time.

Thanks,  Nstewart,

I do yoga occasionally, I find it really relaxing. It doesn't seem to matter what I do for excercise, so long as I get some regularly. Weight lifting is out because I am really not good at finding moderation. Also, I quit the gym, so I'd be lifting boxes in the basement. Just not a good idea all around. I am going to give myself a yoga bedtime treat after I get offline.

@BaileyB

The thing that's been getting to me about the political season is the utter sincerity in the voices of the Republicans who are treating rape victims as if we are at fault, as well as (insomuch as the legislation proposed has been woman specific, not rape victim specific) worthy of less protection than other citizens. What none of these (really mean people, insert your favorite nasty-gross cussword here) seem to be able to internalize, is that, since it is not appropriate to blame a victim of robbery for being robbed ("It wouldn't have happened to you if you didn't have money" / "You don't have any money, so you don't deserve what little you have') than it isn't appropriate to blame the victim of ANY crime.  Those absurd comments about (imaginary) people who've been mugged lines up really well with 

Trigger Warning: Victim blaming (Click to show)

 

"you were dressed like you wanted it"/ "somebody needed to teach you how to please a man."   Several helpful half eigth-wits gave me either of these bullshit comments: One fuckstain gave me both of them. Because dear god, a child in windpants and a hoodie after a sporting event can either be asking for it or need to be taught a lesson.  Oh, and that second question? Please me first, I owe nobody nothing. GAH!!!!

Ok, that escalated. I'm sorry if I've triggered anyone else.  I think I'll never be done venting, but I look forward to being done with freaking out about it.

@MoriahMoonstar

Oooh, dance! I can totally throw myself an in home dance party for one! I usually end up giggling when I do that, so it seems *perfect* I'm totally gonna check out that Penny Simkins book, but I'd like to get myself in a better place first.  I'd hate to get distracted by the bad stuff happening to other people. I've got an appointment with my massage guy. What is NIA- Is it something you can drop in and do occasionally, or is it like a martial art, where you need to put in a bunch of work to progress? I'm on limited funds, but if I can find something that works I'm gonna find a way to afford it. 

@JacquilineJ

Thanks so much! I totally never would have thought of going incognito (hat & shades), at least while upset. That is something I hope the baby mush brain can remember, should I have the bad fortune as to be triggered again. Swimming is a possibility for me, we've got a local gym that is $20 a month, 24 hours, and has a pool.  Since I just started my job, I'll have to see if I can work it into the budget.

I 'm totally blaming the hallmark tears on a sudden attack of fall allergies, but thank you all for your support. It's so nice to have had suggestions and support.  (I had a mixed bag IRL, plenty of support, one asshat, but no real suggestions.)  I am getting some therapy help, because I just don't have enough variety in coping skills. 

[Megmoira]

Quinala! Congratulations! (also, best wishes to all of your health, and for extra hands as needed when they show up!)

And for some Happy News! 

I got a job, and I enjoy it so far! Hooray!