October Chat Thread - Page 11 « Back to Group Discussions

[BaileyB]

Originally Posted by Quinalla 

Hey everyone! For those who didn't catch it in the other threads, OMG I am having twins Not been posting much as my sister's wedding was the weekend. Was mostly fun with some frustrations surrounding my parents and their spoiling of my DD and unrealistic expectations and not respecting me and DH as adults/parents at times, but we've decided we are going to address it with them (again) and then just do whatever we need to do. My brother who is right after me in age is also going to talk to them as they tend to listen to him better than the rest of us. I don't want to bore you all, but DH has decided for now he is not coming back for Thanksgiving as he needs a break from their BS and I can't blame them. He said he is fine with me and Sydney going, even though he is bummed to miss out on Thanksgiving with us, but he just can't take it. He may change his mind depending on the outcome of my brother talking to my parents, but I doubt it. Anyway, lots of fun...but twins, wow! I'm mostly over the shock and full on into research mode as that is one of the ways I deal the best with new things. The OB is confident (and so am I from the U/S we saw) that they are di/di, separate sacs, separate placentas, so the lowest risk twins. Probably fraternal (DZ) as those run in the family, but can't tell for sure yet.

For Halloween, DD's daycare always does a trick or treat in the daycare, either out of people's trunks if the weather is nice or inside their gym if not. So I'll go to that with Sydney tomorrow and she's going to be Captain America as that is her current favorite, she's been wearing the costume nearly everyday since I brought it home. We won't do regular trick or treat as with her allergies (peanuts & tree nuts) there is just so much of the treats that I would have to take away and she is too young to understand that yet. When she's older, we'll work out a trade system so she can get something she can eat for the stuff she can't.

For pregnancy symptoms, all of a sudden I'm into the OMG hungry mode I was in for most of my first pregnancy. Which is good honeslty as I need to eat more than I have been for twin, especially more protein. I did a quick grocery store run today at lunch to stock up on protein heavy snacks for work (peanut butter & cheese bread, greek yogurt and PB&Cheese crackers) and I'll pick up some eggs to make hard-boiled ones tonight along with whatever else I can think of that is peanut/treenut free for home, definitely some yogurt and string cheese or other cheese snack for home. I'm already getting into that it's hard to get comfortable to sleep time that I didn't really get into until at least half-way through last time. I'm going to be breaking out pillows soon!

Twins! How did I miss that!? Congrats!

I will be back to read more and write more tomorrow. I was gone all day today.

[moriahmoonstar]

TimesAway-Thanks for your kinds words, your right that's exactly how it makes you feel. You must be feeling that even more with that nasty ex, I'm so sorry your dealing with that :( Don't you wish we could have completely stress free pregnancies? Thats why its so important to do self care and do things we love.

MegMoira-I have felt the same thing listening to the debates, its absurd what they are saying about women and rape victims, yuck.

NIA is a type of aerobic class that mixes dance, yoga, and martial arts. There are routines and fantastic music with some guided free dance. It may sound crazy but trust me its so fun! Im always laughing and sweating by the end. You can definitely just drop in or go deeper in it as well. A lot of gyms and ymcas in cities have it. Go to nianow.com to find classes by you.

Quinalla- I remember seeing your picture where you thought you looks the same size as your 1st child so early, now it must make sense! Thats so exciting, congrast!

Thanks for letting me vent earlier, it really helped. Working long erratic hours is so much harder pregnant and makes my emotions even more volatile. But I'm enjoying the process. I'm actually on call for a twin homebirth that a midwife has asked me to assist and I am praying they come tomorrow so I can sleep tonight! She is really close. Night ladies

[Quinalla]

Originally Posted by Megmoira 

Quinala! Congratulations! (also, best wishes to all of your health, and for extra hands as needed when they show up!)

And for some Happy News! 

I got a job, and I enjoy it so far! Hooray!

Congrats and thank you!

[BaileyB]

Originally Posted by timesway 

oh gosh, i can imagine that must be horrible.. HA.. that sounds like the kind of thing my ex says (oh and my mum) .. woo.. its nice when narcissiistic self indulged manipulative people tell you that YOU are the problem isnt it? .. makes u kind of want to murder someone.. only.. u wouldnt do that.. because your kind and nice and everything your dad is not.. have some *hugs* sounds like u need some.. your dad is selfish and stuck up his own rear end.. dont listen to him.. he is toxic to you.!!  something i've been taught a lot lately is often what this kind of person says about us.. is how they feel about themselves and they are just projecting.. the sooner you come to terms with this prospect the easier it will be to take.. you arent a bad person.. and you certainly dont sound toxic.. much love xxx
 

"Narcissistic, self indulgent, manipulative people. Yes, that describes them perfectly!

Jaq - I feel like I am sleeping a lot too but yet still tired. Today I woke up, made breakfast for everyone (for the first time in like a month), made Dh a lunch, turned on the cartoons, and put myself back to sleep on the couch.

Cobabymaker - We are just about 100% potty trained for daytime. She still has one accident a week during the day and sleeps in diapers but I would say it's close enough for me. She gets into which "unnees" she gets to wear too.

And lol, in a sad way, about your DD muttering about allergies and candy. We are not big into halloween either. Mostly it's for the grandmas to see her dressed up.

nstewart - We are trick or treating tonight as well, although we are rural so we are going to great grandma's house in town, then to grandma's house down the road from us, and then to 1 neighbor's house and that's it. DD got to wear her costume to her mommy and me class lastnite but they didn't even get candy! I thought she totally got ripped off. They did get stickers though.

Timesaway - I say you should dress up tonight and go trick or treating! Get some free candy!

Ghislaine - Hi . I find I am able to manage me MS pretty well, too. Now I am having to get rid of my lovely heartburn.

Quinalla - Wow, again on your twins! I am fascinated by twins! I was going to say the same thing about being in eating mode. I get one thing done. Eat. Get another thing done. Eat. I have already eaten 3 times today and it's not even lunch time. I think my DD will gain some sympathy weight with my pregnancy. haha. She mooches everything I eat. Cheese has one of my staples of snacks lately. Sugar makes me sick, so a lot of cheese and crackers.

Amandalynn - Sorry about your migraines. I only get migraines when I am pregnant BUT luckily for me it is always early on, like before 8 weeks even. Since I never get headaches, though, I always think I am dying from them when I am pregnant. Basically I get them right before MS kicks in. Fun fun. Your mom sounds like mine as far as not interested in changing or getting help. Not even the thought of never seeing her only grandchild made her think about changing. I flat out told her that if she wanted to be a part of our lives she would have to get counseling. And well, were still waiting more than a year later....

Moriahmoonstar - I am doing chiro, acupuncture, and hopefully massage this pregnancy too. It is so nice.

Megmoira - I justnoticed your siggy. That's cute!

I can't believe I didn't figure out what you were talking about before. I must not have been paying that much attention. haha. I started catching on to what you meant after your first post about your PTSD when I started listening a little more. I can see how a bunch of men talking about hypothetical rape victims they have never met and making decisions and accusations can be frustrating and piss you off. I would be pissed off too.

Well aren't all of our families just a big ball of crazy. It's funny how common issues like this are. DH and I are finding out how many many people in this world are actually narcissists.

As far as DD's finger update. Other than the fact that the clinic was running 30 minutes late and she had to have another xray, everything went fine. She got her stitches out and her finger is healing well. The bone is starting to heal a little, too. Now I have to listen to her tell me it is itchy. Apparently itchier than with the stitches in, which I am hoping means it is healing. Also, she has figured out how to get her brace and bandage off so I have to watch her or I will be re-wrapping all day. One thing we are dealing with now is that she hasn't been sleeping well since her finger injury. I guess I didn't really take the ER doctor seriously when he said she might have nightmares from having to be held down for stitches and xray, etc. She has been waking up 1 - 3 times a night crying and screaming, and then falling back to sleep after a minute or so. Not helping my insomnia at all but I can't blame her. Lastnite/this morning at 5 she ended up in our bed and DH ended up on the couch (since we have a queen bed). I wonder how long this will last or what I can really do for her. I tried asking her this morning if she had been thinking about the doctors office but she went babbling on about riding the escalators at the mall, so I don't know if she even remembers her nightmares when she wakes up.

[moriahmoonstar]

Originally Posted by BaileyB 

Ghislaine - Hi . I find I am able to manage me MS pretty well, too. Now I am having to get rid of my lovely heartburn.

At week 10 my morning sickness mostly disappeared( Thank you acupuncture and chiropractic!) but was replaced with some really nasty heartburn. A client of mine gave me her extra homeopathic heartburn medicine and I am shocked by how well it works, I'm not sure what you've found to help it( please share if you have more tricks) but this also seems to help it. Its called Acidil from Boiron. Lifesaver for me. Supposedly papaya enzymes help too but I had a client that didn't agree and haven't tried them myself.

[CoBabyMaker]

Well, DD1 wants to go trick or treating with her cousin even though she can't have the candy.  We'll see how that goes.  He's seven and she's four so I think he will want to go much longer than she will.  We'll have safe treats for her back at the house.  So I am making some quick Shaun the Sheep costumes for the girls now.  I guess you just never know with kids!

BaileyB, I don't know if it will help in this case but when DD when through a period in which she was waking a lot we gave her a small spoon of honey before bed.  It really helped for her.  My SIL said that bananas and almonds are also supposed to be sleep inducing to they used to give my nephew a bowl of bananas with sliced almonds and honey drizzled on it.  Maybe it would help?  I don't know.  Hopefully it will settle down soon.

I'm sorry that everyone is having so many family issues!  That is SO frustrating.  I feel like I am actually doing ok with mine right now for the most part.  One of my SILs is having some very serious legal issues and I am having a hard time sorting out my feelings on all of it.  I am having a hard time trusting her and I don't want to be fake in my interactions with her but it's also not like I want to be mean and hateful.  My parents are coming to visit next week so we'll see how that goes.  My mom is well-intentioned but drives me (all of her kids and their spouses really) crazy.  It's a little tough because she really isn't being malicious, she just doesn't get boundaries.  She also tells the same stories over and over again which is scary at only 60.  If she can't remember what she said at 60 what do things look like in 5 years?  10 years?  Oh bless her, she means well.  Reading what everyone else is dealing with I should be grateful.

[AmandaLynnH]

Originally Posted by moriahmoonstar 
Oh and ladies I understand the family drama and am so grateful seeing it being discussed. My father is being released from prison in two days, the last we spoke was 2 days before I found out we were pregnant and the reality of his release hit me and it was a terrible explosive conversation. I had started to create this fantasy of what it would be like when he got out, having our family together for the holidays, introducing him to my husbands family....supposedly he has been doing constant work on himself for the last three years and has experienced a lot of healing. but that fantasy broke when he reacted terribly to my wedding which he had previously given his blessing for and since my wedding in May he had been ignoring me. It was because I FINALLY spoke up. The day of my wedding I got this letter that I thought was a poem to be read during the ceremony and instead it was telling my how horrible I was for not waiting for him. So after that I went off, everythiin I had ever thought about him came out. I had been saying for years I forgave him for my scary/ unsafe extremely violent childhood and that wasnt true, so I told him. Everything came out and he couldnt deal with it. Then 4months later he called for my birthday Sept 18th to tell me he cherishes me but he hasnt spoken with me because I am toxic for him and he needs to have bounderies with me, with ME! Anyways I called my mom and sister hysterical and came to the conclusion that he is not healthy for me, then when i found out I was pregnant it brought up so many more emotions and this strong desire to protect my baby and not have him ever touch it. He will be living with my grandmother whom I love, but I still havent told her about the baby because I'm not ready for him to know. And to be honest I'm terrified of his release. Its been so safe having him locked up, I know how bad that sounds.

Anyways, I was up all night at a birth because I just started working for a local midwife and I am beyond exhausted and emotional. Seeing these posts and everything you ladies are going through made me think of his release and I am really grateful for a place to share. Most people IRL don't know about my dad.

Yuck.

I hope you are all doing really well today.Thanks for that.

Glad that we can share our family issues freely.  So many people don't understand how toxic familial relationships can be and just expect you to bow down because you're related to people and take it and have no idea how invalidating that is to people who have experienced abuse at the hands of a family member.  Do what you need to do to protect yourself and your family.  Sometimes more family isn't better if they're bad family.  <hugs>

Originally Posted by Megmoira 

Quinala! Congratulations! (also, best wishes to all of your health, and for extra hands as needed when they show up!)

And for some Happy News! 

I got a job, and I enjoy it so far! Hooray!

Congrats on the job!  Glad you're enjoying it!

Originally Posted by BaileyB 

Amandalynn - Sorry about your migraines. I only get migraines when I am pregnant BUT luckily for me it is always early on, like before 8 weeks even. Since I never get headaches, though, I always think I am dying from them when I am pregnant. Basically I get them right before MS kicks in. Fun fun. Your mom sounds like mine as far as not interested in changing or getting help. Not even the thought of never seeing her only grandchild made her think about changing. I flat out told her that if she wanted to be a part of our lives she would have to get counseling. And well, were still waiting more than a year later....

As far as DD's finger update. Other than the fact that the clinic was running 30 minutes late and she had to have another xray, everything went fine. She got her stitches out and her finger is healing well. The bone is starting to heal a little, too. Now I have to listen to her tell me it is itchy. Apparently itchier than with the stitches in, which I am hoping means it is healing. Also, she has figured out how to get her brace and bandage off so I have to watch her or I will be re-wrapping all day. One thing we are dealing with now is that she hasn't been sleeping well since her finger injury. I guess I didn't really take the ER doctor seriously when he said she might have nightmares from having to be held down for stitches and xray, etc. She has been waking up 1 - 3 times a night crying and screaming, and then falling back to sleep after a minute or so. Not helping my insomnia at all but I can't blame her. Lastnite/this morning at 5 she ended up in our bed and DH ended up on the couch (since we have a queen bed). I wonder how long this will last or what I can really do for her. I tried asking her this morning if she had been thinking about the doctors office but she went babbling on about riding the escalators at the mall, so I don't know if she even remembers her nightmares when she wakes up.

Well at least I'm used to dealing with them.  Now if only I could take my excedrin migraine then I'd be a happy camper.  

Glad DD's finger is doing better!  Itchy is good!

The kids at the daycare here are trick or treating and it's just so stinkin cute!  It may be the only reason I dragged myself into work today.  The fatigue is back with a vengance but that could be due to the headache as much as the pregnancy.  

Got some sad news today that a cat I found in high school and that went to live at my dad's shop passed away today.  Appropriate since it's Halloween and he's a black cat.  I guess he's had thyroid issues that were being treated well with medication but then he developed a respiratory infection and wasn't doing so well.  He went over to my Dad today and was a bit disoriented so Dad sat on the floor with him and petted him and he just stopped breathing.  I'm glad he got to go when he was ready and with his person.  He was a funny cat and he'll be missed.  Thankfully a class full of trick or treaters went through shortly after I saw the news so that helped as it's not appropriate to cry at work.  

Heh, pregnancy is making me more...um, we'll call it assertive.  I had a coworker trying to push something that she shouldn't have been and I had to tell her no.  Had no problem doing it several times until she finally got the message.  She's pissed but I'm proud of myself.  I always try to be diplomatic but sometimes you just need to shoot straight and I no longer feel bad about it.  I'm all 'lady, get in line, I only have so much energy and I'm not wasting it feeling bad.'

Hope everyone here with kids has fun and is safe tonight.  And if you sneak some candy from their buckets, I won't tell...

[BaileyB]

Originally Posted by AmandaLynnH 

Heh, pregnancy is making me more...um, we'll call it assertive.  I had a coworker trying to push something that she shouldn't have been and I had to tell her no.  Had no problem doing it several times until she finally got the message.  She's pissed but I'm proud of myself.  I always try to be diplomatic but sometimes you just need to shoot straight and I no longer feel bad about it.  I'm all 'lady, get in line, I only have so much energy and I'm not wasting it feeling bad.'

Hope everyone here with kids has fun and is safe tonight.  And if you sneak some candy from their buckets, I won't tell...

I'm exactly the same way. Very don't mess with me!

Also, I snuck some candy and then got home and threw it all up. I should've known better since sugar has made me sick this whole time.

[Kate&Joey]

Originally Posted by AmandaLynnH 

Got some sad news today that a cat I found in high school and that went to live at my dad's shop passed away today.  Appropriate since it's Halloween and he's a black cat.  I guess he's had thyroid issues that were being treated well with medication but then he developed a respiratory infection and wasn't doing so well.  He went over to my Dad today and was a bit disoriented so Dad sat on the floor with him and petted him and he just stopped breathing.  I'm glad he got to go when he was ready and with his person.  He was a funny cat and he'll be missed.  Thankfully a class full of trick or treaters went through shortly after I saw the news so that helped as it's not appropriate to cry at work.  

So sad, Amanda.  We have four pets, with three of them getting into the "senior" years.  It sounds like your kitty passed away in the best circumstances, being comforted by his human...I wish you peace. 

And to all of you with family issues.... 

As for Halloween, we went to a friend's house for pizza/drinks and then took five boys ToTing around their neighborhood.  We ended up at another friend's house for a nightcap (water for me!) and it was great to chit-chat while the boys were all hanging out.

[AmandaLynnH]

Thanks guys.  I know I didn't see him much anymore but it still made me tear up (and maybe a few fell out) at work.  He was such a little personality.  

Anyone have any big plans for the weekend?  We're supposed to register!  I know it's SUPPPPPPPPPER early but we'll probably (God willingly) only see my mom at Thanksgiving, and then DH's extended family at Christmas so we want to give people as much time as possible if they want to get us something and not have to worry about shipping it.  Plus my $20 target coupon when you start a registry is only good for a couple more weeks, hate to lose that extra $20.    I'll probably think it's an awesome idea for about 20 minutes and then get tuckered.

Hopefully DH will finish painting the patch in the kitchen this weekend too.  One of the previous owners must have used an oil based paint because we had bubbling.  So he cut that out, patched it, sanded it and repainted only to have it happen again.  So the 5 in area is now about 2 sq ft.  But hopefully he's gotten all of it and we won't have a nice, big white blob on our wall anymore.

The dresser is coming along nicely.  Needs another coat of white paint and we're ready for the turquiose paint too.  Now to find a nice bird stencil template.  It's going to look super cute when it's done.

Hope everyone has a nice weekend with an extra hour to relax (or, let's be honest, for most of us, sleep).

[jacquelinej]

Originally Posted by nstewart 

That is soooo cute!  I hope that potty learning goes well for you.  Do you have a particular method you are planning to use?  I've heard the panty thing can really work (ie: wanting to wear pretty panties and not diapers).

So who has kidlets going out trick or treating tomorrow?  I've been working on finishing up DSs robot costume with some help from my DH.  There is snow on the ground here so I'm glad I made it big enough for him to wear a warm jacket underneath!  DS is only 2, so I think our trick or treating will be a short outing, but it'll be fun anyway.  And we'll have to make a trip to my moms so she can see his costume too.  Fortunetely she lives close by.  Anyone else have Halloween plans?

Well, it didn't take all your reply and questions, so here's an effort:

Safe for 1st tri pregnancy is Chamomile and/or Passionflower for anxiety/helping with sleep.  Can use as a tea or a tincture.  I make my own tinctures and I buy whole leaf dried herbs from MountainRoseHerbs.com or OregonWildHarvest.com.  For tincture, I take 1-2 dropperfuls with water for taste.  You don't have to take it in water, but I do.  You can get tincture at any natural food stores, Whole Foods, or order it on Mountain Rose.  I recommend organic when possible if it's affordable. The passion flower: some people have issues with vivid dreams, I am one.  It won't hurt you, but if the dreams bother or disturb your sleep, just stick to chamomile.  Once we are clearly out of the first tri (week 14), we will have a few more options in herbs for other discomforts, sleeping and anxiety.

And yes, be wary of the melatonin in pregnancy and nursing.

You have what we refer to as a spinning mind, as in the wheels won't stop turning: one that does not stop even when you say "Stop".  Meditation may help, even when going to sleep.  I do this often and I've trained myself that when I catch myself with a spinning mind, I say "stop."  And then: "Breathe in, breathe out" and I focus on those 4 words over and over and don't let my mind wander to other things.  I do usually fall asleep pretty quick when I manage to stop the spinning mind.  Also, I do this in the middle of the day if I find I can't concentrate, although I've been really bad about catching myself lately!  There will be more herbal options later if this gets worse.  And anxiety does not have to be specific, and it can have no root or decisive cause.  It's called generalized when it is as you describe.  But it is still important to manage it so it doesn't get out of hand.

By the way, have you tried vitamin B12?  It works great for energy.  I am not anemic in the traditional sense although prior to finding out about my celiacs, I was megaloblastic anemic which is related to a B12 deficit.  Because of my undiagnosed celiacs I am very vitamin deficient in several minerals/vitamins.  The B12 comes in dissolvable tabs that are sublingual (under the tongue).  Many people are deficient in different vitamins (omega 3s, vit D3, b12 and complex B) and they sometimes exert themselves as low energy, or unbalances in the body.  Even if you are a perfect eater, you can still be deficient.  Still I'm low on the energy and I suspect it may be a deficiency due to my cessation of all vitamins/minerals when I found out I was pregnant as a precaution.  I will resume those in week 14.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Megmoira 

Quinala! Congratulations! (also, best wishes to all of your health, and for extra hands as needed when they show up!)

And for some Happy News! 

I got a job, and I enjoy it so far! Hooray!

Congrats Megmoira, that's absolutely fabulous news!

@moriahmoonstar:  We all have a history we would like to forget sometimes I think.  I have my own set of demons that I have ultimately managed to find a way to deal with.  I do wish I had known many years ago that my family was not a healthy part of my life.  A close older cousin of mine did try to tell me, but I just could not accept it.  She watched me and my brothers struggle through child abuse and (in my case) sexual abuse before I was a teenager.  She knew our history and as a social worker, also knew what I was facing in my future.  I owe her a really big thank you for saying it, and I expect I will get that opportunity one day very soon.  You need to do what you feel is best for you and the baby and if that means your father is out of the picture, it's because he made a poor decision, not you.  Don't ever down yourself for his decisions and mistakes.  

[moriahmoonstar]

Originally Posted by jacquelinej 

@moriahmoonstar:  We all have a history we would like to forget sometimes I think.  I have my own set of demons that I have ultimately managed to find a way to deal with.  I do wish I had known many years ago that my family was not a healthy part of my life.  A close older cousin of mine did try to tell me, but I just could not accept it.  She watched me and my brothers struggle through child abuse and (in my case) sexual abuse before I was a teenager.  She knew our history and as a social worker, also knew what I was facing in my future.  I owe her a really big thank you for saying it, and I expect I will get that opportunity one day very soon.  You need to do what you feel is best for you and the baby and if that means your father is out of the picture, it's because he made a poor decision, not you.  Don't ever down yourself for his decisions and mistakes.  

Thank you so much for your kind words jacquelinej, and congratulations on your healing journey, its inspiring to know other people have made it through trauma and are thriving. AmandaLynn is so right, it's incredibly disheartening to be told you must accept those you share blood with regardless of their actions. In my case I'm just coming to the realization that my subtle avoidance of my family except during Holidays is passive aggressive and not serving any of us, by confronting my dad I truly feel like I gave him a chance to own his actions but he didn't and is still not ready to face the reality of his actions so I'm not ready to be close with him. He says that he's sorry for the abuse but its strange he says the words but can't really own the responsibility of them or how they have affected hi children, he always ends with the good out weighed the bad. And during our last conversations I disagreed. So anyways my father is out, has been for two days, I have avoided hi one call and my poor sister who is in the same town hasn't seen him yet and hasn't been examining her relationship with him the way I am is having a melt down, the reality hit her that he is free and so she has asked to come stay with me for a week so she can gather herself.

Maybe I will bring her to my beloved therapist.

I will say I am grateful for the experiences that have led me to where I am now, and to the strength my struggles have equipped me with. That being said I don't wish for my child to struggle the way so many of here have expressed.

I'm feeling stronger and stronger in my choice for distance, thank you ladies. The support is such a gift.