When and how are you telling? « Back to Group Discussions

[BabySmurf]

Are you going to wait until the "safe" zone, or are you just announcing? Do you have any clever ideas for announcements?

For my DH with our first I had horrible morning sickness, and he kept saying "you are sooooo pregnant!", and I kept saying, "there is no way!"....I took a test, but it was not the brand I usually bought.  Usually the result was a + or -, but this test any line was a positive...I thought it was a neg result.  So I told my DH "sorry!"...then ran into the bathroom to puke.  As I was throwing up, I saw the empty test box in the trash and realized that I had misread the results.  My DH just laughed at me. 

With this one I took a test offhandedly, not really thinking I was pregnant, and I was on my way out the door to babysit my friends kids.  I hit the ceiling when it popped positive, and I almost just called my DH right there and then.  Instead I put a bun in our oven and when we came home last night, I told him I left something in the oven, and asked him to check on it.  He open it up and said "You left a bun in the oven!(like you goober!)".  I watched him for a full minute to see if it would click...nothing.  So I said, "yeah, um I guess I do have a BUN in the OVEN" and kind of pointed to my belly.  It was hysterical and awesome to see his reaction and the range of emotion! He was floored and excited.  So that was fun.

We will probably announce it to everyone this weekend, since we are having a big family gathering anyway.  I want to think of a fun way to do it, but I don't want to go overboard either...second babies are more "expected", I feel like. 

What are your stories??

[amlikam]

So far I've told my sisters (4), my niece (my doula), 3 people at work, and 7 friends (3 of which are midwives).... I figure regardless of the income, I will need support for those closest to me.

Oh and of course DH - we are no good at hiding these kind of things from one another.

We are both excited.

I realize it is a risk so early on (we've had a few losses), but I am trusting this process regardless of the outcome -though I wish to have a snuggly baby next summer

This is how I told many of them:

The journey started a few weeks ago, when the moon was dark, I often have visions of her coming into my womb and crying into it, filling me with her tears. My connection with the moon at times is very intense, as I am a full moon bleeder. This month when I went to greet my blood and the full moon, I realized she didn’t come this time for me, but rather stayed nestled in the layers of my womb.
And looking down I could see the small fire from the sun seed taking roots, the skin felt cold from the sea water protecting the moon while she slept. There was nothing else to do in that moment but sit and watch, awestruck my breath slowed... into a lullaby of life and my heart fell into time with the heartbeat of the earth.
This was creation and it was being born in me to steward its growth and nurture its path. I was not resigned but rather assigned by the universe to accept and be in the throws of ecstasy; I received my task with humbled reverence and joy filled trust.

What I share now my sweet sister with no pretense: I carry a life in my womb, I am pregnant.

[laura-belle]

BabySmurf -- Bun in the Oven, I love that.

amlikam -- I'm glad that I'm not the only one who has already told pretty widely.

I have already told DH (obviously--I woke him up at 5am to look at two lines on the little test), both of my parents, all three of my siblings, my in-laws, my grandmother, one cousin to whom I gave permission to tell her siblings and father, my mom told her best friend (who is basically another Aunt), and I told another full set of close family friends (honorary Aunt and Uncle, two honorary cousins and a spouse of one of the cousins). I am trying to keep it to the above huge list, but given that there is a large extended family party next weekend, and that everyone knows that we were trying IVF again, I am pretty sure that someone is going to slip.

[BabySmurf]

That's awesome that you have a lot of people! I think it's fun either way.  I agree that if things are to take a turn for the worst that having loved ones support would be important.  I also know that as soon as I tell my Mom that my entire extended family and many family friends will also know, pretty much instantaneously! Word travels quick in these parts :)

Anyway, congrats you two! And I hope that we all have healthy babies! Amlikam, I love your prose!

[jr'smom]

I always show DH the test sticks right away.  He never sees the line because I always test so early that it is very faint.  But by now he trusts that I'm right, since I always am and this is number 5. 

We told our kids the next day at dinner.  We always write on an index card what each of our favorite thing is each day (and look back to the same date the last 2 years that we've been doing this.)  I told them my favorite thing is telling them that we're having another baby.  My two oldest children had the best reactions.  One just turned red and hung his mouth open with a cute smile.  The other said, "Oh yay, I've been praying for another baby!"  So sweet!

I told my 2 sisters that day too but asked them not to tell my dad yet.  (My mom would have been the first to know but she passed away 3 years ago.  I still miss not being able to tell her everything.)

This weekend we're going to my sister-in-law's house where my MIL and stepFIL will also be.  I am making a t-shirt for our 17 month old to wear that says "Big Sister."  I know that's over done but still effective. 

I'm waiting to tell my dad in person next time I see him.  My other thought was sending a postcard from Disneyland (we'll be there in 2 weeks) with a picture of all of us and a message that says...

Postcard from Disney ... $15

Stamp to mail it   ...         $0.33

Knowing that there are 7 (last name)'s in the photo ...  priceless

I don't think he'd get it though.

(Disclaimer...that was not my original idea. I stole it from somewhere.)

I thought of sending it to my FIL too, but I don't think he'd get it either. 

[SweetMama34]

Telling DH was very anti-climatic this morning. He's actually on set to be an extra for Grimm - and was so stinking excited about that, that I'm not even sure he understands what's going on.

I told him yesterday that I'd be testing this morning. He asked how come, and I wasn't sure to answer. End of conversation.

POAS bright and early this morning - took him the stick and told him to get a bright light. He said, "I see two. I think I see two." Lots of smiles, a hug and a kiss and off he ran to become a famous movie star....LOL.

I think the moment it sinks in for us will be that first heartbeat via u/s...hopefully in a few weeks. Then, I'll be okay sharing with the world. Until then, I don't want to deal with the judgements of "wow, so soon?" or whatever. Plus, in case this isn't a sticky baby, I don't want the world to know what we're going through again.

Oh - I did text my best friend a photo and said, "how many lines do you see?" She was SHOCKED. So were we. So very blessed and grateful, though.

[LittleBlackBug]

We would like to wait until 12 weeks, but we will be at an event a few weeks prior where drinking is almost expected. I am also showing more than DD so we will see how long I can hide it. Last time we photoshopped a picture of Knocked Up the movie with our faces and posted to Facebook. I think we will do a Knocked Up 2 poster with DD in it and 'Coming June 2013!'.

[cadybh]

Originally Posted by amlikam 

So far I've told my sisters (4), my niece (my doula), 3 people at work, and 7 friends (3 of which are midwives).... I figure regardless of the income, I will need support for those closest to me.

Oh and of course DH - we are no good at hiding these kind of things from one another.

We are both excited.

I realize it is a risk so early on (we've had a few losses), but I am trusting this process regardless of the outcome -though I wish to have a snuggly baby next summer

This is how I told many of them:

The journey started a few weeks ago, when the moon was dark, I often have visions of her coming into my womb and crying into it, filling me with her tears. My connection with the moon at times is very intense, as I am a full moon bleeder. This month when I went to greet my blood and the full moon, I realized she didn’t come this time for me, but rather stayed nestled in the layers of my womb.
And looking down I could see the small fire from the sun seed taking roots, the skin felt cold from the sea water protecting the moon while she slept. There was nothing else to do in that moment but sit and watch, awestruck my breath slowed... into a lullaby of life and my heart fell into time with the heartbeat of the earth.
This was creation and it was being born in me to steward its growth and nurture its path. I was not resigned but rather assigned by the universe to accept and be in the throws of ecstasy; I received my task with humbled reverence and joy filled trust.

What I share now my sweet sister with no pretense: I carry a life in my womb, I am pregnant.

Your writing here is beautiful!

We haven't told many people yet at all.  We're going to tell our parents on the phone this weekend.  I ran my first marathon at 4 weeks and my MIL would have FLIPPED OUT (despite being employed as a nurse, she doesn't believe running while pregnant is safe - a bride I'll cross with her when I have to, but since we don't live in the same state I may have some time).  We also are planning a home birth and are not sure we'll tell either set of parents and don't want surprise visitors before I've given birth, so we want to "pad" my due date by 2 weeks.  Though I'll be 6 weeks this weekend, we'll tell them we're 4.  I have told my SIL (she ran the last few miles of the marathon with me) and my two closest friends, who helped me decide whether I wanted to try for baby #2 in the first place.  They're all keeping mum for me for now.  We'll wait till we hear the heartbeat at our first prenatal at week 13 to tell widely - unless I'm already showing by then, which is possible.

[BabySmurf]

Originally Posted by jr'smom 

I always show DH the test sticks right away.  He never sees the line because I always test so early that it is very faint.  But by now he trusts that I'm right, since I always am and this is number 5. 

We told our kids the next day at dinner.  We always write on an index card what each of our favorite thing is each day (and look back to the same date the last 2 years that we've been doing this.)  I told them my favorite thing is telling them that we're having another baby.  My two oldest children had the best reactions.  One just turned red and hung his mouth open with a cute smile.  The other said, "Oh yay, I've been praying for another baby!"  So sweet!

I told my 2 sisters that day too but asked them not to tell my dad yet.  (My mom would have been the first to know but she passed away 3 years ago.  I still miss not being able to tell her everything.)

This weekend we're going to my sister-in-law's house where my MIL and stepFIL will also be.  I am making a t-shirt for our 17 month old to wear that says "Big Sister."  I know that's over done but still effective. 

I'm waiting to tell my dad in person next time I see him.  My other thought was sending a postcard from Disneyland (we'll be there in 2 weeks) with a picture of all of us and a message that says...

Postcard from Disney ... $15

Stamp to mail it   ...         $0.33

Knowing that there are 7 (last name)'s in the photo ...  priceless

I don't think he'd get it though.

(Disclaimer...that was not my original idea. I stole it from somewhere.)

I thought of sending it to my FIL too, but I don't think he'd get it either. 

OMG, that is so cute!

[BabySmurf]

It's amazing the draw that Hollywood has

I can understand waiting for sure; and your right it really does feel surreal until you hear that heartbeat...I even retook a test this morning because I still couldn't quite believe it!

[BabySmurf]

Originally Posted by cadybh 

Your writing here is beautiful!

We haven't told many people yet at all.  We're going to tell our parents on the phone this weekend.  I ran my first marathon at 4 weeks and my MIL would have FLIPPED OUT (despite being employed as a nurse, she doesn't believe running while pregnant is safe - a bride I'll cross with her when I have to, but since we don't live in the same state I may have some time).  We also are planning a home birth and are not sure we'll tell either set of parents and don't want surprise visitors before I've given birth, so we want to "pad" my due date by 2 weeks.  Though I'll be 6 weeks this weekend, we'll tell them we're 4.  I have told my SIL (she ran the last few miles of the marathon with me) and my two closest friends, who helped me decide whether I wanted to try for baby #2 in the first place.  They're all keeping mum for me for now.  We'll wait till we hear the heartbeat at our first prenatal at week 13 to tell widely - unless I'm already showing by then, which is possible.

It is tough when your family's ideas don't agree with your own...we have only mild issues and it's still tough to work around.  I'm trying so hard to wait to hear the heartbeat to tell "everyone"....but I have a hard time keeping secrets, lol! Which is why family will find out this weekend.  Well, I already told my Mom, so that means most of my family already knows...it's just DH's family that we will tell this weekend at the family party. 

[althara]

I've told a few people so far: my partner, my parents and brother, and my boss. I'll be waiting until Thanksgiving-ish to make the general announcement.

[cadybh]

Originally Posted by BabySmurf 

It is tough when your family's ideas don't agree with your own...we have only mild issues and it's still tough to work around.  I'm trying so hard to wait to hear the heartbeat to tell "everyone"....but I have a hard time keeping secrets, lol! Which is why family will find out this weekend.  Well, I already told my Mom, so that means most of my family already knows...it's just DH's family that we will tell this weekend at the family party. 

It's very tough, you're right!  We're still unsure how much if anything we'll share with them.  I know my parents have the potential to be huge negative drains on our plans.  They tried to talk me out of being a vegetarian in high school, stating it wasn't safe and was a horrible idea for an athlete as there was no way to get all of the essential amino acids, yada yada.  I can just hear what they'd say about a home birth.  And then I imagine telling my MIL, who doesn't think it's safe for me to be running, and I can't see that going well either....  Time will tell.  DH is thinking about what he wants to do with his parents, I told him that's up to him if he does want to try to tell them.  I really hate not being 100% honest because I stand by our decisions completely, but for now this feels like the best course of action.

[horsecrazy100]

We are having a home birth too.. I have thought about padding the due date by about 2 weeks as well. However, I would likely forget and just let it slip how many weeks I really am lol.. 

[MayasMama88]

I found out I was pregnant yesterday, and told just about everyone I know (except for a few extended family members who I don't talk to often) the same day, lol! I don't feel the need to wait three months. I have to say I didn't do anything clever when I made the announcement... I was so shocked and suddenly nervous and a mess of emotions that when I told the first four people (hubby, two best friends, and my mom) I was shaking and either on the verge of tears or actually crying).

So.... yeah. Today, I am past the fear and nervousness, and now I'm just excited. Although I'm not so excited about the nausea already. I didn't throw up with my last pregnancy, and I'm praying the same is true for this one!

[jr'smom]

We told DH's fmily when we saw them yesterday.  I made a Big Sister shirt from my 17 month old.  First we went to a parade and she was wearing a jacket so nobody saw it until we went back to SIL's house.  MIL saw it first and while she was surprised, she didn't seem THAT surprised.  It was cute though and it's nice that they all know. (Even an aunt and great aunt were there.)

I called my dad when we got home and told him since I was feeling guilty that so much of DH's family knew and I wouldn't be seeing my dad for at least 3 more weeks.  Actually my oldest son called and told him.  My dad was VERY surprised.  Not sure why.  My sisters weren't that surprised when I told them.  Everyone is happy for us though.

I hope not to tell anyone at work for quite a while.  My goal is to make it until at least November and possibly longer before telling them.  It shouldn't be too hard because we are traveling this week for 2 1/2 weeks.  I'll be over 8 weeks along before we get back.  DH thinks I'll be showing by then especially since this is our 5th baby.  Maybe... but I'm big enough that most people who would guess would be embarrased to ask.  They could just think I ate too much on my trip! 

[KDTBabyS613]

We will tell our families on Thanksgiving.  Older son will find out the day before.  I will be 10 weeks on Thanksgiving Day, and both of our families live out of town, so the timing is close enough for us.

[KDTBabyS613]

We are planning a homebirth, as well.  Honestly, I just don't care what anyone has to say about it.  I am very good at politely but firmly shutting down any chatter.  Criticisms not accepted; sorry!  :)

[mLeroux]

I've told two of my friends, I don't really have many I keep in touch with anymore.  I don't have family to tell either, just my grandmother and she said she would disown me if I had more kids after my 4th.  Needless to say I will not be telling her, she can guess when she sees me with my huge belly. My husbands family is pretty cool about the whole thing, but I wouldn't know how to bring in up since I think everyone thinks we're just about done since our 4th is 8 years old.  I think I'll let them figure it out when my belly is poking out too. 

I'm having a homebirth again as with the others.  My DH's family doesn't really agree with HB, but they have given up with me already so they know the deal.  

[jillyofthevalley]

We're trying to hold off as long as possible.  We know our families won't be very supportive (they all think 2 was enough, 6 will just bring a whole lot of criticism) so we wanted to make sure this baby is going to stick before saying anything.  No point in going through all the negativity for nothing.  Things are moving along well though with lots of symptoms so I think we'll be making that announcement in the next couple of weeks.  I'm not looking forward to it though.  I wish people could just smile and say "congrats" rather than say unsupportive garbage.  The last three announcements were met with an "again?" and my brother got a "well that was stupid" when him and his girlfriend got pregnant.    It should be really interesting when they find out I want to go the midwife/homebirth route with this one.  Maybe I won't say anything and just mention it after the baby is born. LOL