Twins Rant « Back to Group Discussions

[eminvc]

I just need to vent about some of the comments I'm getting since I'm expecting twin boys. I have gotten comments such as, "I feel sorry for you," "2 boys--that's trouble," "you'll never be able to breastfeed 2," "you'll never get to sleep again," etc.

I just want to say that I am really excited about having twins! My dad is a twin and this pregnancy has really allowed me to bond in a unique way with my grandmother, who has tons of grandkids & great-grandkids but no twins since my dad & his brother, her first children. She of course has not made any comments about breastfeeding 2--don't think there was an alternative in her day! But I am always surprised/hurt by the insensitive comments. I know people don't mean to be mean, but it's not very encouraging to hear things like "I feel sorry for you" or "that's trouble."

Twin pregnancy is hard. This is my first pregnancy as well. I am still getting occasional morning sickness at 20 weeks and yes, I am gaining more weight than in a typical pregnancy, which is also nobody's business! I just can't figure out why people can't stick to, "That's great!" "Wow, twice the love!" or "I hope you have very healthy baby boys!" That is all.

emilyinvc

[Chloe'sMama]

Sorry people are being so rude.  i don't have twins, so I have not dealt with those type of comments, but i can imagine how frustrated I would be.  People had comments when I was pregnant with DD2 and DD1 was just over 2 when she was born.... being two close, or hoping for a boy.  I think people just want to interject some 'wisdom'.  You are so lucky!  I really wanted this baby to be twins and what a wonderful blessing that both are boys!  I really think that all babies are blessings and whatever we are given is just perfect!  

Anyways, try not to let it get to you.  and I hope you feel better soon!

[Adaline'sMama]

 I got comments left and right and this past week I made a decision that Im done letting people bring me down. Ive had a lot of comments that have left me sitting in my car crying after leaving the grocery store. "Oh, Ill bet your husband wishes one was a boy", "oh, no, two girls?", and a ton of people telling me Ill never make it to term. 

Who's saying these things to you?

Is it people you know? If so, I've been responding with things like:

"That's encouraging- thanks it's just what I needed"

"I appreciate your input, Im glad Im the one who gets to make the decisions."

"Right now, Im only looking for support."

Is it people you dont know?

Dont tell them it's twins. Ive had some people who have asked me when Im due and when I tell them or I just dont. Ive even said to a few people, "Due for what?" You should see the way those people look as they walk away. It's going to get worse as we get closer, you cannot let these comments get to you this early on. Fight them back, lie to them, or ignore them- You dont need 20 weeks of people telling you that you cant do something!

Two boys are going to be trouble- so are two girls. So are a girl and a boy. Two babies at the same time is going to be hard, period. Here's the facts:

Its likely that you'll never sleep again like you did before. Most parents find this to be true. 

Its likely that you'll get better sleep after the boys come than you will in the third trimester when you cant sleep longer than 30 minutes on one side. 

You can absolutely breastfeed two- people do it all the time. People breastfeed three, and four! TONS of people tandem nurse their kids who are a year apart. One wallowing all over while the other is a newborn!

Life is about to get really hard. Life is really hard for every brand new mom Ive ever met- one kid or two. 

Just remember, people often say negative things when they have no idea how to be happy for other people. Screw 'em. 

[kellybeth]

i would be so excited!

people always have their 2 cents worth.

i hate to say it-i'm rude. i don't let anyone speak to me in any way that they wouldn't be spoken to. i cut them off if they even look at me funny, don't give them the time of day, especially since i'm vegan. i deal with enough with that. family or not.

two boys sounds amazing-and growing two babies in your amazing body is amazing! i'm a first-time mama, too. i'm awestruck by how awesome pregnancy is... mood swings and all.

[odinsmama]

Some people just focus on the negative, no matter what.
I have a couple people in my life like this and I finally decided that, rather than be frustrated or angry with them, I'm just going to be sad for them that their outlook on life is just so sucky all the time.

You can also tell people that women have breastfed twins with only ONE breast (after a mastectomy)!!! Yay, boob(s)!!

[LadyCatherine185]

so sorry mama.. I have gotten the "boys" comments, as I am pregnant now with my 3rd boy. we LOVE having boys!!!!! I agree with Odinsmama, I feel sad that people have that sucky of an outlook on life.

As far as the sleeping, yeah you probably won't sleep.. and nursing? yeah it will be a challenge. But that comes with the territory of having babies, and you know what-- THEY ARE WORTH IT!!!!!! I always had about 3-4 times the amount of milk I needed in the beginning, and know of several people who have successfully breastfed twins. If you want to do it, and have the right support, you can do it mama!

I would also just be honest with people, tell them you are only looking for support right now and you are excited about your babies! What a blessing to have twins! Not many people get to experience that!

[sweetestday]

I'm thinking of just not telling anyone we're having twins if I find out we are for certain. I don't think I'd likely put up very well with all the comments, especially since I have 4 boys already. I'm already getting the comments and questions about if we are stopping at this one, or how many are we going to have anyway? I can only imagine it would be worse if they knew I am having two. 

[eminvc]

Thanks everyone! Mostly people telling me these things seem to be people at work...such as in meetings or in the hallway or what have you. I remain excited about having twins! Just needed some support.

It is just so strange to me that people have such a poor outlook on life or feel entitled to judge others publicly...but that is a much bigger topic, I suppose.

[HouseofPeace]

i have a 3-legged dog, and then am expecting my 5th child in 7 years, and if i had only collected the comments since passing 2 kids.  people can be total idiots and totally insensitive!

even just walking the streets, people have to comment that me (with a baby on my back and 3 kids on foot, usually my son walking the dog) "wow- you have your hands full."  (yup- i do!)  "you done yet?"  (not by a long shot- just b/c what would i do w/out more comments?  and do you really want to know my plans for future reproduction?)  my favorite was a random man driving by when i WASN'T pregnant and he shook his head and said "snip-snip yet?"  um, WTF?  i mean, let's not mention that there are 4 chirpy happy kids out on foot enjoying life and chattering happily with these people, but why would anyone feel that saying these things is in ANYWAY beneficial to them or to me?

that said, i grin and say 'oh no!  this is so much fun, we're just getting started!'- or when i'm more snide "too many?  which one do you think we should send back?"  

i think the bigger topic is people's issues with having families.  i would take my happy, chaotic life any day over a 'normal' one!!!  i think it's the lack of illusions of control people have a big issue with.  we're supposed to at least pretend to care more about controlling all variables in our lives!  i've accepted i can control some things, and not others.  and i don't feel like my life is out of control at all!  but others need a tighter handle on everything just to survive.  i can't fault them, but am glad i have been changed so much by the life i have chosen.

[loveandgarbage]

I seriously did not realize the bizarre comments pregnant women have to endure until I was pregnant with my first. It blows my mind. And there's always something to pick on-- twins, having another of the same gender, being too large or too small, spacing of your kids, the list goes on and on. Just hang in there and take it in stride. You'll be an amazing twin mama.

[Gillmoro]

I always operate under the policy that the ONLY thing you should ever say to a pregnant women is: "What a beautiful belly you have, you look great!".  I don't know why people feel the need to interject their comments at the most vulnerable time and why they are usually negative.  I'm sorry you are dealing with this.  It is a wonderful thing that you are having twin boys.  I know several mamas with twin boys and there is so much love to go around.  Congratulations on your twin boys!!

[typebug]

People are such jerks! I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. I think twin boys are fantastic news. Congratulations. ;)

[whoabethy]

i go to school with a lot of folks in the 22 - 24 year old range. since it's law school, hardly any have kids of their own or have friends who've been pregnant. i like to think that i've been doing my part to inform them of tactful things to say to pregnant people.

i've said (kind of jokingly, kind of not) classmates, "just so you know, it's probably never appropriate to make unsolicited comments about someone's body. even if you think it's 'nice'." i've also told a few people (after multiple body comments), "from now on you're allowed to say to me either - you look great or how are you feeling - that's it."

of course i'm kind of a direct communicator and these are all said in kind of a joking manner, but they've gotten the message. i also have a little more practice at inadervently rude comments since my partner is a woman. ;)

[eminvc]

Originally Posted by whoabethy 

i've said (kind of jokingly, kind of not) classmates, "just so you know, it's probably never appropriate to make unsolicited comments about someone's body. even if you think it's 'nice'." i've also told a few people (after multiple body comments), "from now on you're allowed to say to me either - you look great or how are you feeling - that's it."

I'm totally stealing this! I have a coworker who told me 3 times last week, "Wow, you're getting big." Um, not from day-to-day. But yes, getting "big" would seem to be a natural & healthy part of pregnancy!

[Amor Rays]

I'm not having twins but I was suspicious in the begining because I was a little big.  Well now I'm very big and everyone thinks I'm having twins.  I'm not.  So I do get a lot of twin comments and I only have one in there.  I feel very annoyed.  To the point of giving dirty looks if someone asks me if I'm having twins, which happens anytime I go anywhere. 

[Chloe'sMama]

I am also not having twins, but I don't like it when people share the fact that I am growing fast... my MIL today said, 'you look more pregnant each time I see you."  Which is the case, right, I am more pregnant each day, so.....

I just wish people could all be nice and say, 'You look so great!' or 'Your belly is so beautiful', or 'You have that pregnancy glow!'

She even said something like, 'when you start getting really fat....' a few weeks ago.  

I stay pretty small for a long time, but I am going to start really showing soon and I am not looking forward to people sharing their thoughts.