I'm wondering what everyone's plans are for having/not having a doula for labor. Part of me is really interested. Part of me is concerned about having to "manage" another person that has their own ideas about what I should want and how/when I need it. Around here, to get a professional doula it runs $550-$1200. Also, what's with no male doulas?
Anyhow, I'm interested in where others are in the decision-making process. Have you used a doula before? What worked? What didn't?
I wanted a doula to labor with me at home during my first birth, but I ended up not getting one because I was living with my in-laws and thought an awkward situation would be even worse if I brought another person into the house.
I considered and interviewed a woman for this pregnancy, but ultimately decided against it. During my last labor I didn't want anyone touching, talking to, or looking at me, and if this goes the same I would prefer to have the money rather than another person in the room trying to help me when I just want to be left alone. Mostly I just wanted the security of having someone I could call if my husband is at work and can't get someone to cover for him. He works nights as a nurse, we have only one car, and he can't leave his patients until someone comes in to cover them. Instead I'm going to make a doodle poll with two weeks of dates my husband is working and send it to close friends who can sign up to be my person to call in the middle of the night to get my toddler to another friend and me to the hospital in case I need that. If I end using one of them I'll use some of the doula fee to buy a nice thank you gift.
Have you looked for doulas who are working on certification? The woman I interviewed was only asking for $300 because she hasn't completed her three births and client reviews. I just had to sign that I would be willing to let her write about my labor for her certification and complete a simple review of her services. What would you like a doula to do for you? Do you have any people i your life who might be happy to offer that service for free?
Before I post, a little background is necessary. I have an autoimmune disorder that completely throws me into the "way too many interventions" tribe.
First Baby, induction that was HORRIBLE - they pried the baby out of me and it was excruciating however it did end in vaginal birth.
Second Baby - threatened induction - I *freaked* because this induction IMO was not medically necessary where as the previous had some merit. I called a midwife who had some suggestions for me and I went into labor on my own. She also was hired as last minute doula. The baby ended up getting stuck on a swollen cervical lip and was posterior. I was at a 9 and had to have a csection. It was bad and midwife said it was time to get her out. During the section my uterus tore down into my cervix and they had to put me out for intense repairs. I woke up in recovery alone with no baby, no husband, and no doula. BAD. I do not think I will ever process that. In hindsight, I wish I would have had the csection *much* sooner as Ophelia has mild cerebral palsy and at 4 is finally running like a champ after nearly 3 years of physical therapy. Her neuro swears that the CP is not related to her birth but I am not convinced. Midwife has also said she didn't see a reason the birth caused the CP but as Mom I worry.
This baby.. most likely a scheduled csection for reasons I completely agree with and some I do not. Birth is hard of my body because of my illness, the physical pressure of pushing/pressure is a trigger point for a huge lupus like flare. I have also had two emotionally terrifying births.My birth team feels if they completely avoid any vaginal exams and do not have me push, it will prevent the chain reaction that causes the flaring. My husband is not wanting to go through another birth where the lingering csection is there and my health is all over the place. A scheduled c section seems like the way to go. We will have a doula. The same doula we had with us for our second baby. We completely trust her and will hope that she is able to advocate for us for a family centered csection.
I think having a doula is amazing. It has rubbed my husband the wrong way a few times and has stepped on his feelings. That is just how he is. However after the last birth and him seeing how validating she was for me; he said "If you want her - that is ok with me" He and I are also somewhat isolated as a couple. I don't have a large network of friends so having a doula is a way for me to have "my person" too.
I'm lucky to have a good friend who's a labor and delivery nurse and has studied midwifery. She was my doula for DD and will be again. I also have another friend who's an RN and is studying to be a midwife, and she's agreed to be my back-up doula. The only situation that I can imagine not needing a doula would be if you have a midwife attending your birth (either hospital or home). Midwives will be with you throughout your labor whereas a doctor will only check in every once in a while if you're lucky and then show up at the end to catch the baby. You never know what sort of nurses you will end up with and it really helps to have someone experienced with hospital policy to advocate for your wishes with the staff. Some husbands may be able to do this, especially if they educate themselves really well, but even a very assertive husband may have difficulty keeping a straight head and making good decisions when someone they love is in pain.
I don't personally plan on having a doula because A) I am planning a homebirth, and while I think a doula could certainly be helpful, I'll have sooooo many other coping mechanisms and be in a much more relaxed, non-combative environment that I don't think it's as necessary and B) my husband is extremely supportive, not the least squeamish and (relatively) knowledgeable, to the point of working out and taking a couples-birth-yoga class with me specifically to make sure he is up to all the counterpressure/etc. labor tasks. I know that's not the whole job of the doula or anything, and I get that a doula could STILL make a great adjunct to our team... I just feel like it's more of a nice-to-have than a necessity in our case. Plus, my mom (a supportive MD who had 2 hospital NCBs, and is awesome in these scenarios) will also likely be there. And I don't want loads of "extra" folks around, if possible. So I think this is a good decision for us.
That said? If I were giving birth in a hospital, even with HCPs I felt were very supportive of natural birth, I would definitely get a good doula. No question in my mind. And that's with a husband who has total faith in me, is not easy to manipulate, knows a LOT about NCB and interventions (to the point of dispelling myths for his friends-- apparently he's been listening to me all these years, LOL) and a mom who is an allopathic MD and would advocate for me. I just think having a doula in a less-conducive environment like a hospital would be totally worth the money for me, personally. Especially for a first time mom like me who hasn't actually been through the hospital motions yet.
I had a doula for my VBAC and she was incredibly helpful and I know made the birthing process easier for me. I also don't like to be touched a lot but toward the end of labor she did the most crucial massages on my back that helped me get through. DH wouldn't have been able to do that.
I'm still waffling about a doula this time around as I'm having a homebirth. I don't want the space to feel too crowded. The midwife will have an assistant with her and of course DH will be there. Depending on how it's going, my mom and kids will be there on and off. I have a friend who has offered to be my doula (she's been doing it for years and is now studying midwifery) but I wonder if she's "necessary"? She's an absolutely wonderful and calming presence in general and I want her there, but I also wonder if there will just be too many people there and I won't be comfortable. So I'm still thinking about it.
My midwife is working in a team with a Doula. I think my combined fee for them is $3-4K but I'm not sure how that breaks down. It includes all my appointments and consults all the way through. The scale relates to the cost if we transfer and the team has to spend a bunch of time at the hospital. Insurance covers about 1/2 of it. They work together so one can zoom over earlier if the other is attending another birth. Not that they could ever really be more than 10-30 min away without being on a boat. ;) I like knowing I have that back-up plan in place.
I wish i would have hired a doula for my hospital births (1st 2 births) - it would have been really helpful in the hospital..
For my 3rd/homebirth it wasn't necessary and i won't be hiring one this time either - i have 2 midwifes plus DH attending this birth.. they were with me every second last time, i don't know where we'd even put a doula..
Thanks to everyone who has responded. It is good to hear that there isn't a consensus on everyone having a doula. I guess for me there's the obvious cost issue, but then there's also the issue of getting to know someone new in the "care team". I am using the local nurse midwifery practice and there are 4 or 5 different midwives that share rotation so I'm meeting with each of them and will have at least one of them attend the birth.
I know that the hospital I'm delivering at is known for being very pro-woman directed birth so I'm not too too worried about lots of intervention. Mostly I'm looking for a little extra support. My husband is going to be with me and I can't imagine doing this without him. I've considered friends as additional support and so far I can only come up with my good friend Don, even though he's said he'll only come if he doesn't have to look at my vulva, which could be challenging.
Right now we are struggling with the reality of losing our dog in the near future, so I am perhaps sensitive to wanting support. At the same time I also feel like I'd rather direct the $$ to celebrating her presence in our life rather than spending more on the baby. There's just too much to take into consideration.
I think a lot of it depends on your personality. I, personally, like to process things internally. Having a doula there would completely through off my labor mojo. I need less people, not more (regardless of their role). No doula for me.
I was thinking about this the other day and came up with a theory. Some people when they get sick/need help reach out to others for support. Other people just want to deal with it themselves and can't imagine asking for or wanting help. I fall into the latter category. Let's say you're a teenager and you're drunk for the first time at a party and find yourself puking in the bathroom. Do you want a friend to hold back your hair, rub your back, and tell you you're going to be fine? Or would you rather just be sick by yourself and having someone be there with you would just be annoying? I realize labor is different on a lot of levels... but I kind of like my theory! That's why I'm leaning toward no doula this time around.
i won't be having a doula for my first pregnancy/labor experience. i am also a private pain person and would prefer just my doctor and fiance in the room with me. i already expect to have nurses shoving their hands up my privates, and that will be enough people stress for me.
I also like to labor alone.... DH can be with me for the really intense parts, but really, I just like to work through by myself.
That being said, I wish I had a doula for my first birth, in the hospital. Not so much for the support, although, I think I would have been able to handle my pit augmented birth without an epidural if I had a doula, I wish I had one so that my wishes would have been better articulated by someone not emotionally wrapped up in the birth. DH and I were just so unprepared for what it was actually going to be like, even though I took a lamaze class and a hypnobirthing class.
People can have 'natural' hospital births, and do all the time, but if I could do it again, I would have a doula for sure. DH was just as frazzled and overwhelmed as I was... it was not fair for me to think he could be everything that I needed at the birth.
All of that said, I have a friend who is training to be a doula and she will be at this birth. I am not sure how she is going to fit in to it all, since I like to labor alone on the toilet.... but, she has one more birth to attend to be certified and I invited her to be a part of our birth. Since she is still training, she is doing it at no cost.
I am a doula and I am choosing not to have one. Doula's aren't for everyone. I do highly recommend a doula for first time mothers that birthing in the hospital, or for a vbac in the hospital.
The past two times I have given birth, it was a my rural hospital, and it was just me and DH. They do maybe 3-5 births a week, and have a pretty small staff. DH felt pretty confidant that he wanted to be my primary support person, and so we decided to go at it alone. We wanted it to be just the two of us for most of the time- and it was. The nurses stayed out of the way, and the doctor had not yet arrived by the time DS was born, so DH delivered him and then we called for the nurses.
We decided to have a doula upon finding out that I was pregnant with twins. With our past two births, the nurses did the APGAR test with the baby in my arms or DH's arms, but basically when we found out we were pregnant with twins, we couldnt figure out the logistics of being able to keep both babies with us (pending that there is no need for them to go away for medical treatment). We basically decided to get a doula so that there would be someone there after delivery to hold a baby and someone to advocate for us in case of emergency c-section, so that DH could either stay with me or stay with the babies.
I searched for a doula and talked with a few, and then decided that we'd rather use my very, very good friend who is also a homebirth midwife. She's been there through some of the best and worst times of our lives, and I think she will be perfect to have there for the twins birth. Ill gladly hand one of my babies to her while Im delivering the other :) Plus, Im sure she will be great for encouragement throughout the labor, as well as awesome at giving a second opinion medically.
I wish hospitals had doulas on call :) Everything was fine for my past two births, but when I was laboring with DD there were about 3 hours where DH could have seriously used some support. He was exhausted and out of ideas. But, we really liked being alone for most of it- just someone there for those three hours would have been great.
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