I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old and am a SAHM. Here is some background: The last few years have been really rough--my husband and I started a business, I started a business, we had our sons, I closed my business to be with the kids more, we moved our business, my beloved dog passed away, we moved our home and business to one location, we've been remodeling our new home for the past two years off and on, and I lost a good friendship. All of this has been a huge amount of stress. I have had anxiety issues off and on and suffered from insomnia for the first six months of this year. I have had some pretty severe family of origin issues that I have needed to come to terms with and think I'm making a lot of progress. Consequently, I am not able to see my family that much. My husband's family is pretty busy as well, but we see them every few months.
I go out with my husband about once a week in the evening and we go out as a family quite a bit. We went on some vacations this summer, etc. I don't go out on my own really at all or drive by myself anywhere. I just don't want to or feel that I need to. I could if I wanted to or needed to. I have been doing a lot of inner work and reading, etc. I work out everyday and have been trying to take care of myself and recover from everything. We have our boys in childcare during weekday morning so that I can work (from home and I'm taking some online writing classes) and get our house put back together and organized. I have been feeling like I've made some major breakthroughs lately in being more true to myself.
Well, anyway, the reason for this post is that one of our employees asked my husband if I was agoraphobic! I talked with my husband and asked him if this bothered him and he said it didn't and that he understood that I had been through a lot. Lately, I feel that I am not so concerned with what everyone thinks, etc.( a big issue for me in the past). But, this is bothering me. First, I am an introvert and sensitive and I hate being pestered about it (childhood issues here--and probably the reason I feel like breaking down and crying over this). Second, it bothers me that we have the business on our property and that there is a lack of privacy (sometimes this really bothers me).
My husband and I are really close. We've had a lot of issues and stresses and I feel like we've come through them and things are much better. We renewed our vows this summer with our families and friends. I don't want this to cause problems between us.
I just don't want to feel like there is a microscope on me and what I'm doing. I don't want to feel that I need to be concerned what our employees are saying or thinking about me or us. I want to be able to trust them and be respected. I want to have my family and be at peace and not feel like I or we are being judged. I feel like our circumstances can be difficult but was trying to come to terms with them and focus on the benefits of having my husband work so close.
Any advice or insight?