I posted before about my stepmother. Known her for 26 years and we're not close. I am very uncomfortable around her, and spend most of the year avoiding her as she causes me tons of anxiety. I tolerate her for my dad's sake and do a good acting job at least pretending to be friendly towards her. I am married and have a 6 month old baby.
My dad has never spent Thanksgiving with his family(my aunts, uncles, cousins). He's always gone to his wife's family out of town. I used to go some when I was younger, and I went a few years ago before I was married but usually I spend the holiday with my mom. Sometimes we would just go to a restraunt. SM's family unlike her are very nice people. I even have some of them on my Facebook. SM wants me, DH and our baby to make the 2 hour drive to spend Tday with her family. Well then that leaves out seeing my mom and inlaws entirely. Plus we want to start having our own Thanksgiving. So we are having Tday at our house with my mom and inlaws. I told Dad that he and his wife are welcome to come, but of course I know she won't cause spending time with her family(her parents and siblings) is always top priority and I totally get that cause seeing my mom for holidays is also my top priority. SM called me telling me she wants her family to see my baby. Let me take a guess here, so she can put on the "grandma show" and show off my baby to her relatives cause as she has said in the past how it killed her that she's the only one of her siblings that isn't a grandma. I won't be letting her use my baby so she can be the center of attention. I slightly feel bad about going years and years without seeing SM's family. They truly are such caring people, but I just don't have the time to see them around the holidays anymore since I now have 3 families to consider.
Then we have Christmas drama. I have always spent Christmas Eve with my mom. Mom has no other family but me. Xmas Eve is also the day my dad, stepmother and stepsister go to her family (2 hours away). As a kid I would spend Xmas Eve with Mom and Xmas Day with Dad. That worked for a long time, up until my paternal grandmother's death this past year. Now my stepmother doesn't see a point of spending Xmas Day just DH, me, my baby, Dad & SM, and my stepsister. So I guess having Christmas at my dad's was only for my grandma's benefit? Again she wants me to drive 2 hours to see her family. And while her family are nice people they aren't MY family.
So here's our plan for Christmas. We will spend Christmas Eve with my Mom like always. Then Christmas we will alternate between Inlaws and Dad and whoever doesn't get Christmas Day we'll spend New Years Eve with for a belated Christmas or if we have time whoever didn't get Christmas Day (either Dad or inlaws) we'll go over Christmas evening even if other relatives have already left by then. But thats still not good enough for SM. She just can't seem to understand that my husband and I even though we like SM's family feel like outsiders there. So its best for us to spend Christmas Day over at Dad's house with just Dad, SM, and maybe my stepsister. SM's argument is that my stepsister won't want to do Christmas 2 days in a row and how both of us (stepsister and I) need to celebrate together. Stepsis and I have no relationship either. The only time we see eachother is if she shows up for Christmas. The rest of the year i never see her. I'm so tired of my stepmother trying to force everyone to be a big happy blended family which we aren't.
I am sticking to my holiday decisions and if she doesn't like them too bad. I think she's upset cause as a kid I would never stand up for myself and she walked all over me. Now as an adult I stand up for myself and set boundaries and don't just agree to what she wants to do, and she always has to have complete control over holiday plans or she's miserable.
But SM needs to respect that she has 1 family to think about around the holidays. I have my mom, dad, and inlaws trying to fit in seeing everyone and its enough stress to cause me to burst into tears. SM also doesn't think its fair that my mom gets every Christams eve whereas we'll be alternating with Dad and inlaws. Well Dad/SM and Inlaws are married and have other children (my stepsister and then DH has siblings). My mom never remarried and has nobody but me. I think because of that its completely fair to see her every year so she never spends a Christmas alone.