Resources for managing challenging behaviour in preschooler - Page 2

[RachelCK]

I don't have any answers,I just want to say that this sounds extremely familiar. My daughter is 3 1/2 and a handful. I noticed you got a few replies saying these behaviors are not related to giftedness, and maybe that's true, but they certainly seem to go together. My daughter hasn't been tested yet, and other than how it relates to resources later I don't care if she is officially gifted or not. However, the descriptions of the gifted, highly sensitive child describe her so well. I think it's easy for people to say it's a parenting deficiency but we don't have it easy. Conventional rewards/consequences are useless to her. It's hard to explain but the best I can do is to say that she sees through it. In other words, any artificial system of rewards and consequences is instantly about me and her because she knows that I'm the one making it up and could just as easily do it another way. Not to say there are no behavior consequences, but I've had to really focus on natural, logical consequences so she understands that her behavior has consequences and not because I'm doing it to her. Also, it's definitely a case of choose your battles, as I don't have the energy to engage in every little thing. Big stuff like we use good manners, gentle touch, etc. I try to focus on helping her to internalize some core values rather than adhere to a list of external rules. She's not "bad" most of the time, and is very sweet, just requires massive amounts of energy and attention. I know, all kids do and it sounds like I'm being ridiculous, which is why I don't talk about it a lot, but it's pretty clear to anyone who spends time with her. As for the eating struggles, we have those, too, but definitely not to the degree you describe. For us, the similar issue is with potty training and pooping in particular. When she had just turned 1, she had a stomach bug with diarrhea. It upset her that she couldn't stop it, and she basically decided she wasn't going to go anymore. I mentioned it to our doctor who said kids that age don't have that kind of control. After horrible cycles of refusing to go and painful bowel movements she is on miralax and doing ok. However, she absolutely will not use the potty. She'll play going on the potty but has not even once actually sat down and gone. I tried the 3 day "boot camp" approach, which obviously didn't work, but the big improvement is that she now will talk about going where she was in denial before about ever needing to go. After writing this all out it seems more difficult than it really is (and I didn't mention half of it :-) but it's definitely not all bad! Her personality was so forceful? even pre-birth that I always knew she was going to be difficult and really fun at the same time. So I guess I'm just saying that you're not alone and not imagining or causing it!
Edited by RachelCK - 10/24/12 at 9:54pm

[pitchfork]

Only someone who has experienced something like a kid like this can get how blurry the lines of discipline can be in a situation like this.

I have read the aforementioned books, and found them somewhat helpful. Two books I resisted reading for a long time because of their titles, but that I found helpful were "the Explosive Child" and "the Difficult Child." both have some good information and techniques if you can get past the titles. Ross Greene, author of the explosive child has a good website herehttp://www.livesinthebalance.org/

Also,food issues *can* be very tricky,- a Dr or Drs who says there aren't any, or they are "just" behavioral, is not of so much help to you. I had issues with eating as a child, and it was handled with power struggle,not particularly helpful to me. I now have a son, also gifted, for whom eating is tricky, and who also lives on yogurt. We are not to the bottom of it yet either, but we have made great progress using the Ross Greene method.

I also find there are times that feeding my almost 7 year old is ok with me as a way to nurture him *and* nourish him but only when I am in the nurturing place, not the power struggle place.

Good luck Mama trust your "gut" - pun intended and let us know what works,