Less than ideal living situations « Back to Group Discussions

[jeanblu]

I'm not sure how many of you, if any, this will apply to, but I thought I'd reach out anyway.

Long story short, my husband and I are sharing an apartment with my little girl's dad (and have been for several months).  I should preface my whining with the fact that it's actually not terrible, and I'm surprised by how well everyone is getting along -- especially husband and ex; they are practically best friends!  Little one loves that everyone is together, too.

So now it just sounds like I'm complaining for no reason, LOL.  But really, it's just time that everyone has their own space.  My ex's lack of cleanliness is a big problem, and husband does not want to "go there" with him (understandably so).  The apartment is two bedrooms, so for now, wee one's bed is in her dad's bedroom.  She is turning five next month and very much showing signs of needing her own room, but she is patient and sweet as can be most of the time.

My husband and I have the smaller bedroom, and it is just terribly cramped.  With a baby on the way, we are trying to sort through our stuff and sell/donate the vast majority of it, but doing it in this confined little closet of a room is next to impossible, and we for whatever reason feel guilty about spreading the mess into the living room.  In fact, we feel kind of awkward ever being in the living room or kitchen, and I'm not positive why. 

The good news is that we're set to be in our own place within a couple of months, but every day seems like a mess of everyone's school and work schedules on top of trying to keep my little girl feeling secure.  Again, I know that I am blessed to have had this option when all of us were in bad financial positions, and I am extremely happy that everyone gets along -- I get SO many "that's weird!" comments, but oh well.  I'm just ready for some separation.

Anyone else feeling a little nutty about their home environment?

[cadybh]

You seem so calm about it all!  Good for you!  Does ex know you're planning on moving out?  What will happen with your little one?  Will you be nearby ex?  It definitely sounds like you are in need of more of your own space, if you don't feel comfortable truly living in the living areas, you know?  Seems like a good move for sure.  

We're in a house I wish were bigger (1 bathroom, that's the main problem), but of course it's fine.  We may get something bigger in the future when we can (stuck for financial reasons, the market dropped here and I think it's impossible for us to move just yet).  In general in life, I try to be happy in the moment.  I'm trying to enjoy the coziness and relatively small space where cleaning's concerned.  Some days that mental pep talk works better than others.  :)

[Lynann]

When we got pregnant with DS2 we had literally just moved. (He was conceived that first weekend.) We had downsized from a large 3 bed 2.5 bath single family home into a tiny 2 bed 2 bath apartment. Our furniture was all too big for the new space but we somehow managed to get most of it squeezed in. It made the apartment feel very cramped and cluttered, which I hated. We had next to no storage space for food etc and kept a lot of it in plastic tubs under tables etc. It certainly wasn't ideal, but we made it work for the year we lived there.

It certainly sounds like you need a place of your own if you don't feel comfortable in the communal areas. Try to focus on what you can and do feel comfortable with while you wait to move. The next few months will go by quickly and then you'll be in your own place where you can feel comfortable using the whole space. Hang in there mama.

[timesway]

Oh gosh, that sounds very stressful, my ex has just moved out after he lost the plot when he found out i was pregnant,we had been living seperated though ffor a few months previously. Not ideal of course, and we kept on sleeping together (hense me being pregnant) which is what complicated. I have learnt though i think, no matter how ok it seems, i dont believe its really ok in the long run to live with ex's. Allso it would seeem important to me that a 5 year old girl would not be sharing a room with her daddy (obviously only if its viable) there are all sorts of issues there, making it sound all round like you need to move.. how do you think your ex would react if you did? Do you think he will be upset to not live with his daughter anymore?

I live in a 2 bed flat with a small patio garden, but tbh for just me and a baby, or even me, one other person and a baby its not too bad, the rooms are quite spatious and i have a big open plan living/kitchen area which is nice. Dont think i'd want to move any time soon.
 

[jeanblu]

Thanks for the feedback, ladies. :)  I am happy to announce that we are moving out either late this month or early next!  Just in time for second trimester, so hopefully I have a bit of energy back.

Originally Posted by cadybh 

Does ex know you're planning on moving out?  What will happen with your little one?  Will you be nearby ex?

He definitely knows (and is supportive/in agreement), and since we will be moving within the same apartment community, taking care of little one will be very convenient.  She can hop from momma's to daddy's pretty much as she pleases, though I am sure we will come up with a more "structured" schedule.  A couple of people have hinted at that I will regret living so close to him, but I can't imagine why.  We live in a big city, and we both love this community and area of town, so I think it will make life easier on everyone, really.  We're not the type to linger at each other's places, so it's not like we will be suffocating because of the proximity.  That's just silly.

timesway, I doubt that you meant any harm, but I don't see any "issues" with my daughter sharing a bedroom with her dad.  That has uncomfortable implications.  Also, he will still live with her half the time.

[timesway]

no i meant just as she gets older, issues can come about through lack of privacy.. 5 years old is the begginning of her being a proper little person i think, rather then a baby/toddler. Sorry you took it in a different light, i certainly didnt mean to cause upset.. glad it is all going smoothly :) the new setup sounds ideal :)