Ill start off by saying I am just as my user name states.... lost. I feel like my entire life has been put on huge hold and is spinning out of my control in a way that I may never regain control. I understand this is an exaggeration and I'm sure at some point control will be regained. But I am living through my BF's divorce and custody battle. His ex, two years ago, took their child (now 4) and moved several hours away, announced that she did not want to be with him (he was kicked out of the house and living with is parents.) He was obviously hurt and felt powerless. He has several family members that fought and lost hard in a custody battle and was terrified to go through it.
Without going into too many details well just fast forward two years, We have been friends for several years as we work together and had several friends in common. I don't know why but he felt powerless and was basically living as her punching bag. He gave her all his money (he works two jobs) and basically lived to see his son on the weekends when he made the drive several hours to them. During his visits she makes him take them places, out to eat, movies, games, fairs, zoos and the like. He pays for everything and in the end has never been allowed real alone time with his child, by the end of his visit she is yelling telling him he is the worst thing that ever happened to her, that he is trash and well... every bad word there is.
When she found out about us, 1 month after we started seeing eachother... really casually. She freaked out. He had moved back into the house and was paying all the bills. Her house... she drove out here threw all of his things on the front porch in the rain. That was 4 months ago. We have since moved into our own apartment and they filed for divorce a month ago. She refers to me as his whore. I understand the anger but really she abandoned him over two years ago and took his child, seriously, was he supposed to just be her puppy for ever!?
My largest problem at this point is I am struggling with feelings of dislike (never wanna say hate) for his child. The kid is only 4 and an innocent in all of this. I met his son a year ago when he came to work with my Bf. We were just friends at the time, I spent a few min talking to him and I get along with children just fine (I am an art teacher)
But My Bf has said from the beginning that I will always loose, his son comes first and he will always win. I expressed to him that saying things like that are hurtful because I am not in competition with him. The love he has for his son is not the love I want and if his son did not come first I would not love him like I do. But during the move He came across his photo album of when his son was born. I now have burned into my mind the visual of my Bf, his newborn son laying in his Ex's arms... His hand on hers looking lovingly into her face holding her in his arms..... It kills me! I cant even look at a picture of his son now! They make me angry! It feels irrational and nonsensical. But I just don't know what to do!
His son still thinks he lives with "grandma and grandpa" IE.. my bf's son thinks he lives with his parents. He does not know his father has his own apartment, in which there is a room set up just for him, I tried to make it comfy. I got toys, kids sheets, a bright colored lamp. The main bathroom is also decorated just for him in a cars theme... I'm trying to do everything I can think of so his son has a safe comfy place to come and I didn't even know his son had no clue about the apartment!!!! I haven't even met him as "daddy's friend" and now, after the pictures and emotions that came with it I'm dreading it.
I cant tell my Bf this, i know it will crush him... I really needed someplace to vent. I thank you so much and sorry for the length. I really want to make this work. I just cant help but feel like his son is going to hate me because I'm sure his Ex just wont be able to help herself but call me names in front of him. I even gave my Bf the option.... when she kicked him out of her house she tried to act all hurt like he was cheating on her. I know that legally they are married so yes legally its true. But not emotionally. They had not been together for years. I told him I would give him no guilt, I would walk away and be the supportive friend if he wanted to work on his relationship and family... I made the offer several times as a matter of fact, But he said no. He found his wife and it isn't her. That is sweet but hurts at the same time..... she is still legally his wife. I'm so lost.