I"ve discovered that stbx has been having a very close long distance "friendship" with another woman. This has been taking place since last November (although they have known each other longer). I am deeply hurt. A lot makes more sense now (like why he wants the divorce asap). He won't pursue an actual relationship with her until the divorce, although it has already been a very emotionally intimate relationship.
What sucks is that I didn't know. It sucks this was happening while I was pregnant. And I didn't get on with the separation agreement quickly enough to have it wrapped up.
Now I have to wait until we legalize the agreement before I confront him about it. Emotionally I want to bring this out into the open and let him know that I know. If it was just me, I would have already done that. But I have to put aside my feelings and look at taking care of my girls. I can't risk upsetting the apple cart before we have our agreement in place.
The other woman will be in town next month for a conference that they are both attending (DH is organizing it). I REALLY REALLY want/NEED to bring this into the open before then. I am hoping I can find a lawyer today who can see me to look over our agreement points. I wonder if it is realistic to get an agreement finished in a week. We have agreed to all of the things we want in it.
I'm a mess, though. I am getting through but I'm not eating, can't think clearly. I drove home yesterday, 45 minutes on the highway, only to discover that I hadn't finished buckling my 3 month old in her car seat! Then, later, I almost drove away without buckling my 4.5 y.o. in (at least she could tell me I had forgotten!).
I can feel all of the stress hormones running in my body and I feel so bad that my baby is just drinking all of that in through my milk. She has been an easy baby but is clearly more fussy, won't let me put her down, not sleeping well, etc. I HATE HATE HATE that this all is taking place while she is so young and vulnerable. I can send my older daughter off to the grandparents or friends while I cry, or meet with therapists, or lawyers, etc. But the baby is going everywhere and just taking it all in. I feel so guilty about it. I'm really in survival mode, here, though.
It just really really sucks.