no hassles from guys with expectations
free to do our own thing
and make the most of life
I'm with you
Im so used this beautiful unconditional love i give my kids and they give to me. I cant go back to that 'conditional' thing they call romantic love. It just strikes me as inferior. Thats what i really think. I dont particularly respect the married couple as an institution. I believe romantic love is fraught with faultlines that doom it to failure in many cases (divorce statisitics back me up on this)
That doesnt mean you have to deny yourself friends, or even companionship that goes beyond that, but it has to fit into the family schedule.
My mom chose not to date and I am so grateful she made that choice. She was always working so hard I don't know how she could have even fit in time for a man.
Oh good gravy. So I'm not the only one??? I'm so relieved! My ex left 5 1/2 years ago and I have had a single one-night-stand since then. I have not dated or even attempted to date. I'm scared to in some respects because it HAS been so long and I bring a lot of baggage to the table but I'm also really apprehensive about having to deal with someone else's feelings/needs in a relationship. I've got enough on my plate already just handling my own life/kids/issues/finances without having to add someone else's on top of that stack. So I've chosen to keep myself out of the game, even though I've had interest. I pretty much shut everyone down right away. Admittedly, I AM lonely. But I get sweaty palms and racing heart thinking of entering the dating world so I think it's gonna be a bit longer. I want what you want Basylica. That's about it. Why isn't there a service that you can call for that?????
AND another thing is, how do you keep things separate? I mean, I don't want my kids getting attached to someone and having them leave us or me leave them and having the kids be devastated. But I get precious little time away from them and I don't think it's enough to keep a relationship going either.
I think my favorite has been, "What kind of a mother leaves her 4 month old baby with her husband to go off to school?"
My answer would have been, "The kind of mother who sees the way the wind is blowing and knows she's going to have to be supporting herself and her kids soon."
I am just enjoying my time with my son right now. Honestly, my life is so busy that I don't even think about it. I do flirt and that is fun but nothing close to even dating. I have been asked out once and I turned him down. I am in such a happy place and I am building my life again. I don't want any other distractions right now.Maybe down the road..don't know. I do know I will never get married again. That is FOR SURE!!!
I too, came from a single parent home, raised by mom, dad a ONS sperm donor pretty much, doesn't know I exist. I have an older sister with the same circumstances. My mom only brought 1 guys around us my whole life and that was just a couple times. She never really dated, she had the one BF that I remember, and had ONS etc. but guys were not brought around. I had uncles in my life but not the same as a father figure or seeing the dynamics of a romatnic relationship. I was extremely attached to my mom she died when I was 21. By 22 I was married to xdh. I married the first serious boyfriend I had ever had, very quickly. I had no guide and no one to tell me not to. No one in my family ever suggested I was doing something haste. Xdh and I barely knew each other when we married. I too was used to getting my way all the time, my mom did everything for me and my sister. I did not know anything about marriage, nothing. And things were pretty dysfunctional.
I am now single and my greatest fear is that my kids will never see a healthy relationship modeled for them and they will grow up and have dysfunctional relationships as well. I hope to someday in the near future have a healthy relationship with a man that leads to an eventual marriage. But for now I am choosing to be single. I tried to date during and just after my divorce and dating someone who was way too clingy and needy. I realized pretty fast I could not handle that emtional strain. I have chosen to work on myself so that down the road I will attract healthier more emotionally stable men. I am getting my life in order, going to school and taking care of 2 kids i have 5/6 days a week and no I am not lonely, but sometimes I do miss the sex and intimacy and companionship but it isn't as bad as more time goes by.
I had some nibbles but they were always in portland where I was for work about a week out of every few months.
I never dated much and to be honest the thought of a "date" makes me weak and sweaty. LOL.
I generally argued that nibbles in PDX were bad idea because of distance and all that.
I also suspect that i'm WAAAYY hotter in portland than here in texas. but I also worked from home and seldom saw adults, and I really don't have friends since I was working 20hrs a day a lot of the time and the kids. So it's not like I got out and met people.
I dunno....part of me isn't getting any cuter and the TWO men i've dated (first bf and ex) never wanted sex. So would be nice to make up for lost time. But all the men i've been with were whiny and depressed and just put all their crap on ME. I'm very happy with the kids and I can do whatever I want and not have to answer to any adults for moving a bookcase etc.
What really drives me nuts though is my younger sister is totally uptight and granny panty wearing chick who cannot be alone. She gloms onto men and gets all wrapped up in them emotionally. She says she needs a night of space and then calls me crying because GUY didn't come over, call or text....or obsess about how they don't love her as much as she loves them, or says how they fawn over how she's so sexy/pretty but she doesn't know if they REALLY mean it.
(i've been subject to hours and hours and hours of this, if you hadn't guessed)
The last guy left his WIFE for her, and then after ehh...maybe a year? she dumped him and then tried to kill herself over him.
Now she's txting me (they broke up maybe 8 months ago, she's been doing a couple "dates" and only got out of loony bin in may?) about how I don't understand because i'm "frigid" and she's really horny and I just don't have as high of a sex drive.
Meanwhile i'm worried i'm going to break my hitachi and my tastes vary quite a bit past vanilla. I think the people who know me well enough would say that I have a *really* high sex drive.
I'm about *this* close to unhinging on my sis to be honest, I just feel ....I dunno, insulted because she assumes that because I have I dunno...standards and I don't NEED a man to make myself feel good about myself (emotionally) that i'm FRIGID? ugh!
I had a bit of a dalience immediately after seperation, but it's been gosh....close to 4yrs since I've even kissed anyone.
Between dates freaking me out and whole independence/kids issue....I dunno. I really don't.
I met a guy in portland actually, about 2.5 years ago. he was a sales rep, actually. and we had a INSTANT connection. Never felt like that about anyone...ever. He begged me to go out with him but I was nervous, heading back to tx, and had issue with considering dating LD. a girl from his past re-appeared before I'd returned to PDX and I got (really tactfully done I must say) tossed aside. Didn't speak to him for gosh....6+ months, then met him for lunch....and everytime I was in town he'd take me out to dinner etc.
There was long lingering hugs, staring into my eyes, gushing over my intel/body/etc, sharing of food and drinks (we split a beer even...hehe) and the last time I saw him he circled the block for an hour or more trying to convince me I ought to sleep with him, and convince himself it was the wrong thing to do.
He was still dating girl, which he didn't mention until later, but I couldn't cut off communication because he was our sales rep....
I keep pondering a CL ad asking a guy to come over and bang me like screen door in hurricaine and take the trash to the curb on his way out. LOL. thats about all I want from a guy right now anyway.....heh.
Lol I personally loved this post, especially the bolded.
Anyway I'm going to be a single mom soon and I will not date until my youngest is at least 12 and that's only if I find someone...perfect. Lol so not likely. I'm looking forward to my freedom.