I am not a single mother, but as the adult child of celibate single mother, I will share my thoughts if it's okay.
My father died of cancer when I was a preschooler. I also have a sister who is about a decade older than I am from a previous relationship of
our Mother's, though he was uninvolved in her life, and my father adopted her when my parents were married (after something like 8 years of being together).
My mother was adamant that my father was the love of her life, and that the part of her that needed a partner, died when he did. She never dated. My father was cannonized and my mom put everything she had into me (my sister was a teen and left for college a couple of years after he died). My mother did a good job raising me, she is a loving parent, but I think that her life would have better if it had not been solely devOted to me. Dont get me wrong, she had friends, hobbies, a work life she enjoyed (most of the time!) But I could always see a loneliness in her that she could never shake. And even though she never said or even implied that I should, I felt a need to fill that void for her. I was always worried about loving her enough, because I knew that I was all she really had. And when I got older and started Pulling away, as teens do to find their own sense of self, I was wracked with guilt when I would do something that made her upset with me. I think more guilt than was nessecary for doing "kid things." Our relationship was really strained for a few years when I was a young adult, because I had to get out from under all that guilt I made for myself but at the same time I felt terrible for leaving her all alone.
Relationships with men were difficult for me too. My mother raised me to be strong and an independent thinker, so it's not that I got into a ton of abusive relationships, but I had no model. I didn't understand the give and take of relationships. I had always been the sole focus of my mother's life, and I suppose that I expected my way to be the only way in my other relationships too. I also grew up with stories of the sun and the moon setting in my dad, and I tended to fall in love a little too easily and too hard. I think it would have been good for me to understand that it was okay to not expect "a love of my life."
I'm sure that had our communication about relationships been more honest, or heck- more existent, that I could have avoided some of the latter issues. And I am in no way saying that you need to go out and get yourself partner for the sake of your kids. I think making yourself okay after losing someone you love, or leaving an unhealthy relationship, is completely understandable. And I'm sure that can take a long long time for some. It certainly Is wonderful too, to focus on your kids, especially if your focus has been strained by difficulties in other relationships. But we can't be the best parent for our kids unless we focus on us too. I knew that I was everything to my mom, and it was a hard burden to bear, even though she never Expected me to bear it. I just thought I should. I loved my mom and wanted her to be happy. Our kids ultimately our their own, and they have to be free to be that. I didn't feel free to pull away gently into my own person, as it seemed others did at that age. But it had to happen, so it did, all at once and was a shock to both of us.
I really don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings, or minimize them. I guess my hope in sharing all this is that you leave your heart open to the possible. It would have been nice for my mom to find someone she could share her life with, I still wish she would have not shut that part of herself down. I don't think she was any happier for it. And I don't think my dad would have wanted that.