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Any Single Mamas Who Choose Not to Date? - Page 3

post #41 of 43
Originally Posted by MsDivaMOM85 View Post

Well I'm a single mom (27). And I have a son who is 10 months, his dad and I broke up when he was 3months due to domestic violence in the relationship. Just to even think about dating makes me sick. Right now Im at the point where I HATE MEN (and hell no I'm not gay and u don't intend to go dipping in the lady pond ... no offense to anyone in that lifestyle..I believe you are free to love whoever you want to love). This last relationship changed my whole view on men. I believe they are all liers and manipulaters, and they are just out to please themselves whether its in the form of money, sex, etc.

I NEVER thought in a million years lol I would be that women who hates men. But sorry I ended up with a fool who changed my whole view.

My family says I'm still young and they encourage me to have an open heart and recieve love . They say my soul mate is out there, and no one is meant to be alone. Um NICE words but I will pass. Last time I open my heart to someone I ended up hurt and broken down to the point I didn't he know myself anymore. YES MY HEART IS BLACK. And its going to stay that way because that's the only way I can protect myself .

Yes. I'm raising a son but thank GOD I have positive male role models in my family.

I choose not to date because I'm suffering from a lot of hurt . Im bitter. Im mad. Im Angry. And right now the only LOVE I need is the LOVE my son gives me. Lol I think GOD himself would have to come to earth amd literally tell me it time to date again. So with this said, I Guess I will be a Single Mom forever !!!!!

Singlemoms ROCK !!!! :-D

I understand completely, I definitely jumped into dating too soon after my divorce. I think the longer i am single the pickier i become too. And with kids in the mix, it is no longer you ,but you and them you have to make decisions for. I dumped the guy i was dating back in the winter because it was like a crazy train. It was a learning lesson for me though, i am glad i dumped him my only concern is that i didn't do it sooner because he was throwing out red flags left and right. 2 months before i realized it was not a good thing. Of course with xdh it took me 8 years to finally call it quits and so much crap that i put up with, i am always disapointed i stayed longer, never regretting leaving any bad situation. Right now you need to take time and heal. I first separated from xdh when dd was 9 months, dating was the last thing on my list! 

post #42 of 43

I've never really been single, so this is odd for me.  Now that I'm out of a long and abusive marriage, I have NO desire for anyone else in my life other than my children.  I've had several guys trying to talk me into giving things a chance, but to my surprise, I just can't.  I briefly tried to reconnect with an old flame, but I had to end it; my standards are so high compared to what they once were, and men who seemed great a few years ago make me want to run the other way now.  That's good - I now know my patterns of abuse, and I can spot red flags.  But I do wonder, sometimes, if it will always be like this.  I'm fine with it for now, I'm so busy and stressed out and have nothing to give to a relationship.  I just get sad at times, when I'm alone after the kids are in bed, wondering if I'll ever get to have the whole "falling in love" thing, and finally a chance at a normal healthy relationship.  Still, I'm holding out for marriage material - I don't want to date a lot, I want to find "the one", and give us all stability, so it will probably be a LONG wait!  My kids deserve better than me bouncing from one man to another, especially when one has special needs and can't understand that kind of thing.  There's all of that, and I'm still so scarred from this marriage and have more healing to do than I imagined even a few months ago.  It's lonely at times, but I can wait.  The biological clock thing worries me a bit - I really want another baby, and to experience the whole thing with someone who loves me and wants to experience it all, but I'm willing to check out my friendly local sperm bank if it comes to that point.

post #43 of 43

I didn't for a long time, and then I did. The first two men I didn't introduce to my daughter, and boy, was that a good idea, because the first one was a cheat and the second one, I'm very sorry to say, committed suicide. The third one, whom I met about four years after the divorce, I introduced to my girl. I really regret that now. I was involved with him in an LDR with lots of visiting for about two years, and the longer it went, the nastier and more abusive and angry, even misogynistic, he became, and the more his own life fell apart: he ran from a PhD program and a giant fellowship to deep, prolonged unemployed poverty. Eventually I realized he has Asperger's, and genuinely doesn't understand what he's doing wrong when he's just been headspinningly awful -- but that still didn't mean I was going to let him come live here. Plus I can't even count all his contradictions; he's just a mass of panic, anger, and petty lies.  There were moments when he was great with my daughter, but there's just too much tension and bad stuff. I'm glad we live far apart and that her exposure to him was actually limited to a few weeks -- about half were good, but others not so much.


That one ended recently, and I'm not looking again. My job is great and very busy, and frankly I seem to have it much more together than all these guys, including my ex, who's decided to stop paying child support. I'm not anxious to bring another boyfriend into my daughter's life for years. One thing that came up during the last relationship, and I gather it's not unusual, was that he felt really put out that I was totally fine with my own company for sex, you know? I mean I can handle that far more reliably than almost any man I've been with can. But I think that a lot of the stigma attached to not dating is an underlying resentment that "you're saying you don't need a man"...and I think a lot of people find that threatening.

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