Toddler prefers one mother over the other

[SplashingPuddle]

My 2.5 year old daughter has wanted my partner for everything for the last 3 months. If she's hurt, she definitely wants her. At night, she only wants her and tells me to go away. My partner is the genetic mother and I am the birth mother. At first, I enjoyed seeing their relationship get closer; however, now I am wishing my toddler wanted me as well sometimes.  We both work 1/2 time and share parenting equally, but if there is any chance for our toddler to have my partner, she will choose her. Does anyone else have experience with children having parent preferences? Did you do anything about it or just let it evolve with time? How long did the preferences last?

[seraf]

It's totally normal.  They go through stages where they want one parent and then different stages where they want the other.

I don't know when it ends (I can almost watch my kids go in and out of these phases, when all their friends are stuck on dad, my kids are more stuck on me). I just try to be available and fun. 

[osker]

Yep, totally normal.  It will evolve and change and you'll be in and out of favor over the years.  If it's really bothering you a lot, talk to your partner and see what she thinks. Maybe she can be just a little slower in swooping in when your daughter gets a boo boo, or let you start a special something that you do for boo boos, for example. E and I have an eskimo kiss thing that she wasn't so sure about at first, but now she loves and it always makes her giggle.  She'll run to me for boo boos if they're small (stubbed toes, etc), but she'll definitely run to Mama for big boo boos. But then again a few weeks ago she got nursemaids elbow and we had to go to the ER. Surprisingly, she wanted nothing to do with Mama (who was really freaked out) and would only stay with me (calm and okay about it all).  I think our reactions and feelings in situations can't be ignored, but it's hard to predict what kids will want/need in a particular moment.  I noticed it has again started to switch over to a Mommy phase this last weekend when we spent a lot of time just to two of us.  Last night she told Mama she was a "mean Mama" for not giving her a wipe when she wanted it! Silly girl! 

Just keep communication open between you and your partner and it should all be just fine. 

[Growbaby]

I am the non-gestational mother to our 2.5 year old son.  My partner stays home with him.  He has recently come off of a 3-4 month Mommy phase.  I am the Mommy and my partner is the Mama.  What we did to help this is just what you would think. I stopped getting to him first when I was around and he was upset.  If he demanded me, we told him Mama is helping him right now.  It is her turn and Mommy will be with him later.  I work 32 hours a week so I am a little bit novel also because of not always being around.  This worked after only about a week.  Good luck I know this sucks and feels personal.  But I think some of it is just having an opinion for the sake of having an opinion and seeing how much they can control things.  When they see their control is gone they stop the behavior.  At least that is what happened in our situation.  

[RStelle]

Totally, totally normal. Our DD had always preferred me and only recently has gotten just as attached to my wife. The thing that helped was that DW took over the nighttime duty when we did night-weening, and getting that extra comfort and spending that extra time together made a big difference in their relationship, and now she is equally bonded to each of us. I know it really was hard on my wife for a while, though. Maybe a special routine with lots of snuggles and bonding time with just the two of you could help even things out a little.