Weekly Chat October 8-14 - Page 4 « Back to Group Discussions

[Princessjules]

Hey mamas, DH had to go back to work this week and left me at home alone with our kids... what's wrong with him?! lol it actually went well I got DS1 to sleep all week this week w/o nursing! He still nurses btwn naps but I am beyond excited that he doesn't need to nurse to sleep!!

CIO - I will never let my babies CIO even our 1yo still wakes at night and needs us to get him back to sleep. I can't ignore my child when he is crying, I won't. I want my kids to trust me. My parents always responded to us as children. I am shocked when people allow new infants to CIO. I also read about brain damage that CIO causes and am convinced that's why people are so stupid today! I had friends who let their infant CIO because he didnt "need" to nurse and I was heartbroken for that baby to have such selfish parents... you seriously cant put your child first? I hope to God they don't have anymore kids! ugh i HATE CIO!

[mole]

So many hearts and thank yous to everyone who cheared for me when I was worried about S not gaining enough weight. We went for a meeting with the nurse who is actually assigned to us and S gained 240 g in four days! So he is doing perfectly. Our assgned nurse just kept saying how great his weight gain is and we should do exactly like we are doing. No mention of formula! She said that because he gets so frustrated waiting for my letdown, I can if I want to pump five minutes before he nurses to try and get the letdown faster or she wrote me a prescription for a nose spray that I can use five minutes before he nurses to make get the letdown faster. Both are my choice, only if I think its too hard for S to wait. Having this validation means so much too me. Today it was like the first time I could really see how much S has grown since his birth, how much sturdier and stronger he is. I was very tired today, so instead of buying groceries we all just laid on the bed and turned up the heat so S could have some naked booty time. I love my family. AND Im actually feeling amorous again! Looking forward to when sweetheart and I can take a shower together again. Someday!

Motomom, that photo is fantastic. Your lo is 10 days older than S, so Im hoping that in a week I will be able to ride my bicycle! Did you get any stitches? I still have my stiches, so I dont think I can ride yet.

CIO, I dont think it makes any logical sense at all. babies are helpless. they cant feed themselves, they cant change their diapers, they cant move themselves when they are bored, and they cant cuddle themselves. They communicate all their needs to us via their very limited means. A person who ignores someone who depends on them completey, has some serious lack of empathy going on. Thats not to say theres times when you need to deal with the crying until you have the ability to help the baby. But to not respond when you can as a conscious choice? So mean.   

Nighttime, S sleeps in a sidecarred crib next to me. I wake up when he starts stirring, I wake Sweetheart up who changes Ss diaper, then I feed S, and if he pooped while eating I wake Sweetheart up again to change him again. I dont change him at night because then I would have to wash my hands before feeding him (he needs me to hold the breast in a sandwich almost the whole time, and I do a lot of compressions). Cant imagine changing him, washing my hands, feeding him, changing him again... Im so thankful to be partnered to someone who does half the work.

[MadiMamacita]

Originally Posted by MissE 

that's when the grunting usually kicks in, arms thrown around, legs kicking etc. I sometimes lay her on my chest and we drift back off or i nurse her until she falls off the breast or whatever works.

a lot of that movement is involuntary and swaddling arms might help her stay asleep!

[MadiMamacita]

Originally Posted by Jend1002 


It's hard that we are having such a bad time- so please DH, it's the OPPOSITE of freaking helpful and supportive to say we should just use formula!!! And then 5 minutes later when I ask you to hold our grunting, writhing baby so I can get an hour of sleep, do not say how having just one was perfect! I could punch him. I don't care how tired we are- that's not ok.

so sorry mama. i hope he snaps out of it! have you been able to talk to him calmly about these things?? especially feeling unsupported?

Originally Posted by mole 

So many hearts and thank yous to everyone who cheared for me when I was worried about S not gaining enough weight. We went for a meeting with the nurse who is actually assigned to us and S gained 240 g in four days! So he is doing perfectly.

[Carlin]

CIO - I agree with everyone. It's such an unnatural, illogical thing to do. I don't know why our culture is so hellbent on getting babies to be "independent" when they are physically incapable of it. I always feel so bad for parents who have been brainwashed into thinking it's something we have to do. It's so damaging to everyone - the child who learns that no one will respond to their needs, and the parent who learns to totally ignore their own instincts. :(

Cloth diapers - we've used cloth since day 1. We have the older style kissaluvs 0s, and a few awesome Judy made diapers that worked great until the chord fell off. After that I added my small motherease sandy's. I personally have hated disposables the few times I've used them and am so happy with my cloth.

Mole - so glad everything is working out and that your new nurse knows what she's talking about!

Motomom - I love that picture too!

AFM - Ember's still pretty easy but I'm pretty sure she's hitting a growth spurt so she's not sleeping quite as well as she did the first couple weeks. I'm so happy we've figured out nursing side lying. It's so much easier than  actually getting up at night!

Off topic, but my SIL is in town for a couple days. Despite my issues with her, I was looking forward to her daughter and mine getting a chance to play and get to know each other a bit ( they are 9 days apart in age.) We saw them yesterday afternoon and Sylvan was so excited to see her cousin. Unfortunately her cousin either wouldn't play at all or was really nasty to her all evening. I hate having my super friendly little girl subjected to that kind of treatment. They are supposed to spend the afternoon together again today and I hope it goes better. I think we'll try to have some more structured activities for them to do and hope that helps.

[nukuspot]

Ascher, we are like Mama soulmates. I have the same diapering issues. 4 weeks today and baby is still in sposies due to belly button issues. Her BB is still red and gets yellow crusties. I called the ped to ask what I should do and they said clean it out well with a Qtip soaked on rubbing alchohol with each diaper change. That sounded excessive so I've been doing it 3xday. I hate doing it but I really need her BB to get better so we can use our cloth diapers! I also have the KL0s and even though they are the only cloth diapers I can use that don't rub the BB, I find they soak through in a minute after putting them on. I really don't like that, it's why I don't use prefolds and prefer pocket diapers. I change her often but sometimes I just need that extra few minutes before I go back to the changing table for the 20000 time, and I don't get that with the diapers that soak through like the KL0s. So if anyone wants to buy a set of 6 of them I'm open! I can't wait to use the pockets soon....

[nukuspot]

Swaddling: Yes, we are definitely swaddle for sleep here. I don't know how we would get sleep without it. Even in the swaddle she grunts and kicks, if she could move her arms she would be smacking herself awake every minute all night. We use Eden and anais swaddles. I'm hopeless at it, it's one of DHs jobs. He's a good swaddler.

CIO: It's child abuse IMO. End of story.

PP weight loss: 14 lbs over PPW and scale hadn't budged since 1 day PP. it's horrible. I feel do gross even though everyone tells me I "look great.". I have insane breastfeeding hunger, so I'm sure that's not helping. I'm trying to go for walks every day but it just started raining here, it's hard to get motivated in the freezing drizzle. I never did bottles with DD1 but might with DD2 soon just do u can start going back to the gym in the next few months.

My dad and stepmom are visiting and they ate the sort of people who need entertaining. It's rough. The saving grace is that DH is gone with me. He list his job when I was 39 weeks pregnant and even though we are living on savings I am so so happy about it

[nukuspot]

I also have been alternating between happy and sad that this is my last baby/birth/pregnancy. The choice is made for me; My body tries to kill me when I'm pregnant. I get severe hyperemesis, in and out of hospital, severe nutritional deficiencies, inability to care for myself, the works. Since HG gets worse each subsequent pregnancy I can't risk it ever again. And I'm really so happy with 2 girls. I don't want any more, really. But I still get sad sometimes!? I can't quite define it. DH was going to get a vasectomy, he even had the appointment but then I said no, just wait. But why? I won't even DTD because I'm so scared of getting pregnant so we need to just get the snip, but it just seems so....Final.

[Jend1002]

Nukuspot - I know what you mean. I gave away a bunch of maternity clothes last week and became really sad (what? Who loves maternity clothes, really??). I know we are absolutely done but I also declined have a tubal during my csection- just could not make that decision for some reason. DH was like- but they are already in there! Nope...

So today I nursed my boy at a farm! We went on a hayride to feed cows and to a pumpkin patch - I stopped at a picnic bench under a huge oak tree to feed DS and 3 (!) other women then joined me. I was so proud to set the stage for others. They each commented that when they saw me, they figured why not I'm proud of me- I didn't NIP with DS2 since I was glued to the pump.

[AnyaRose]

I'm coming from my phone today, so it's a bit too hard to reply to everyone ATM....

I'm exhausted. Nico has been so good, in my opinion... But my doula keeps asking me if I need anything and how he's doing and "looks like he's starting to get a personality" when he cries in front of her.... And seriously every time I go up there he starts sobbing and I feel so embarrassed. He's really REALLY good, just not in front of them. And I don't know how to calm him down other than nursing him, which I can't do with her teenage boys hanging around and my suuuuuper leaky boobs.

And he suddenly started crying more lately. Like in the past 24 hours. He sleeps for like, an hour then gets up nurses and gets all gassy and sobs then nurses again etc. trouble is, it wakes him up if I burp him after eating, but if I don't, he gets gassy. :/ he still gives me at least a full 5 hours of straight rest every 24 hours, but it's still really hard doing this alone... All day.

And then I had the realisation that this was going to be the way it is going to be for a long long time... I feel SO alone. I mean, my doula would hold him for me if I needed a break, but I only feel overwhelmed when he's awake and during those times he only wants to nurse... So she can't really help. I don't know........... Then I get to thinking about the daddy and it makes me so sick with pain that he's not here. I know he screwed me over pretty hard, but it still makes me feel like throwing up every time I think about it.

I just need some confirmation that its okay that I don't know how to fix all my baby's problems. I mean, I nurse constantly, he's always diaper checked, burped and mommy time'd... Sometimes he just cries........ And frankly, I feel like I can't show any weakness IRL because everyone thinks I'm sooooo strong and I don't want to disappoint...

:/ ::overwhelmed::


Edit: I know this is sobby and long winded... I'm sorry.

Also. If baby starts lached correctly then at let down moves to only nipple in his mouth, is that okay? It doesn't make me sore, but is he getting everything he needs that way?

[MIrandaM]

Anyarose, it's completely understandable to feel tired, overwhelmed and like you have to appear strong and perfect at mothering, I think we've all felt this way to some degree. It's hard having people around when the baby is fussy and just wants to nurse and sleep in short segments. And it's hard caring for the baby yourself 24-7! Give yourself a big pat on the back and know that you have nothing to prove, you've already proven it! I felt a lot of what you've described and getting together with my friend who has a baby just a month older than James really helped- she was going through everything I was and we laughed so hard sharing stories, so rejuvenating! Regarding let down, we had the same problem except that it would be painful of he was nursing a lot - my LC suggests latching sitting up then leaning back into a semi-reclined position and that helped a lot, whether it's ok for Nico to just take the nipple I'm not sure. I read somewhere that it's like them drinking from a bent or crimped straw.

Mole, so glad to hear about the weight gain and new nurse! I haven't tried to ride my bike yet (no time!) but at five weeks pp and what felt like a long recovery stitches-wise I finally feel that I could ride, but not more than about 15 minutes or so and I wouldn't want to have too many groceries in my backpack! The 'seam' where I had stitches is still tender after prolonged contact like a stone bench or something.

Jend, love love love the image of several women all nursing under the oak tree!

Hyde, I'm so with you on the choke the girlfriend! Between houseguests and my mom on the telephone I am just SICK of people telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing and what is right for my baby! It's amazing that one of the most trying things about having a baby had been dealing with the total bullsh&t that everyone IRL besides my DH is spewing at the moment!! Wow I sound so bitter and angry! I'm actually not, it's just that i can really relate! Hope it goes better with your guests than it has for me.

Moto, you're awesome! Love the pic. I'm impressed that you can nurse Hank and leave the house for a couple hours to have dinner with friends. I never really know how long DS will sleep after nursing so I'm hesitant to go anywhere for long. You seem so good at balancing his needs and yours.

Re weight, like nuku I was up 10-12 lbs from 1 day pp and it hasn't budged at all. I look normal except just a bit chubbier - and I'm totally fine with it except that none of my jeans fit so I have nothing to wear and it's causing me some difficulty when I want to leave the house. Yoga pants are tough to pull off here, it's cold and people dress more formally. Normally if I'd gained weight I would wear dresses with leggings and boots until I fit into my jeans again, but with breast feeding that's out. I haven't actually tried to lose weight yet diet-wise but I have been walking a lot because the baby just sleeps the entire time we walk, so if I need a break I walk with him.

Well it's 2:30 in the morning here, baby's done nursing and is snoring on my chest

[ascher21]

weight: wow, I'm jealous of those who only have 12 lbs to lose! I think I have something staggering like 23?!?

Painful let down: Yes, I have painful letdown. Any thoughts? He isn't gagging a lot. It seems to be only one boob he gets overwhelmed with, so I make it so his head is higher than the breast. Does the painful letdown go away?

Nukuspot: my midwife gave me a cord care powder that has goldenseal root and a few other things in it. I've been pouring it on the wet part of the belly button and it seems to be helping. It's called Herbal Cord Care Powder (by wishgarden herbs).

AFM: we changed our fitted sheet on our bed three times this morning. Once for explosive poo while I was changing DS, second for the same thing, only pee, and third for spit up that oozed all the way down my back!! I don't think I quite understood the amount of fluids that would be coming and going in this home! We now have no more clean fitted sheets, so I will be doing some laundry. I'm starting to think elimination communication might not be such a bad idea, since he loves to go to the bathroom while I'm changing him!

[Princessjules]

Originally Posted by ascher21 

Painful let down: Yes, I have painful letdown. Any thoughts? He isn't gagging a lot. It seems to be only one boob he gets overwhelmed with, so I make it so his head is higher than the breast. Does the painful letdown go away?

AFM: we changed our fitted sheet on our bed three times this morning. Once for explosive poo while I was changing DS, second for the same thing, only pee, and third for spit up that oozed all the way down my back!! I don't think I quite understood the amount of fluids that would be coming and going in this home! We now have no more clean fitted sheets, so I will be doing some laundry. I'm starting to think elimination communication might not be such a bad idea, since he loves to go to the bathroom while I'm changing him!

Yes the painful letdown goes away and you're probably close. Hang in there!

Sheets - I am so lazy I just throw  towel over the wet or dirty spot but you might want to buy a waterproof mattress pad if you haven't already.

AFM -  David was up from 1 - 5 last night and has been so restless all morning. DH took him after I was sure he didn't want to nurse anymore and got him to sleep so I got a couple of hours after that but I am so tired... idk what his deal is... Is it too early for my diet to be effecting him? I didn't think that started for at least another week (he's only two weeks old)

[Carlin]

Jend  - I'm sorry your DH is being so negative. Hopefully he'll settle into the routine soon and realize how unhelpful being resentful of a baby is.

PrincessJules - I don't think it's too early for your diet to affect David, but I also don't think there's any reason to jump to conclusions if this is a one time thing. Ember had one morning at about a week old where she was awake and fussy from about 3 to 8 but it hasn't repeated so it's not something I'll worry about.

AnyaRose - you are doing a really tough job and you're doing it by yourself. There's absolutely no shame in asking for a little help or admitting you're overwhelmed at times.

Nuku - I know how you feel. I'm feeling quite comfortable with being done at this point (way more so than I was while still pregnant even) but I still can't quite make a commitment to doing something permanent about it. Maybe in a few months...

Weight - I'm down 30 lbs as of today, but still have about 12 left, plus as my toddler points out, I'm still pretty "squishy." :D I think I'll take one more week of taking it quite easy as I'm still bleeding quite a bit, then I need to get back into a workout routine as much for my mental wellbeing as my physical wellbeing.

Other stuff - DH drove FIL to the airport this morning, and my SIL and her kids leave tomorrow. I know it's horrible, but I pretty much can't wait until they are all gone and we can have a week with just us.

[AnyaRose]

Hey guys... First of all, I'm sorry for all my depressing notes lately!! The last two posts have definitely caught me in my low points. They happen of course... And what you two mamas said really helped! It's so nice to have this ddc of encouragement. (: I'm feeling totally better. It's easy to get caught up in a moment, but even just looking back now, I need to remember that these rough points are just a few hours long. That's not much time at all! Just like labouring, it will be okay so long as you remember to relax and take a breather during the breaks. (:

cio totally agree with everyone.... It's crazy to think about just leaving a newborn to helplessness.

DHs I can't imagine how tough it must be on some parts of having another mindset/pair of hands in the helping of a new baby. I know it's very helpful, but I can imagine it to be frustrating for some of you. I'm sorry! Keep your chins up and talk it through, if you can.

Guests oh man... Unwelcomed guests are so bothersome, not to mention having them do things to your new family that they know you don't like...? Aurgh. So irritating. I wouldn't be down for that. Thank goodness my doula and her family understand when I'm ready to have alone time with Nico.

post parnum body I have NO idea where I am on weight loss. Nobody weighed me on my first day non prego and I don't have a scale at the house. I don't mind not knowing though. I guess it's really nice to be single right now, because it doesn't feel so pressuring to get back to perfect body. That being said, I have a natural instinct to be eating healthier right now. And since I can't start working out anyways, there isn't anything more that I could do to "loose weight" anyways yet, so I am better off not worrying about it. Haha.

Let down I don't feel it at all. The only indication is Nico ripping his mouth off my nipple and having milk get every where. I literally unclothed him every time we nurse because we were going through so many clothes each day. Also, he does short bouts of nursing... Will he ever be able to go for longer? I mean, it'd be nice to cover back up and be covered for more than 5 minutes before he starts looking for a nipple again. Lol.

As for Nico, he's two weeks old today. That seems so young! I feel like he must be at least a month or two- I can hardly remember a time he wasn't here. Does anyone have any good links for good exercises to do with little ones to help development? Or maybe a link to know milestones (both physical and mental)?

[MadiMamacita]

Originally Posted by AnyaRose 

Does anyone have any good links for good exercises to do with little ones to help development? Or maybe a link to know milestones (both physical and mental)?

zer- to three is good http://www.zerotothree.org/

[Flower of Bliss]

Anya: I think I remember liking this development chart. There's a huge range in "normal" and rolling/sitting/crawling early or late aren't indicative of much of anything later in life.  I've never done exercises with little ones.  My babies always hated "tummy time" but they spent plenty of time chest to chest on me in a sling, which really uses the same muscles. 

[MissE]

Ugh. I had a crazy adverse reaction to MSGs and hydrolized soy protein that were ingredients in a spice mix that DH bought. The day before yesterday he bought cavenders greek spice mix and i tried a TINY amount while reading the ingredients. I saw that msg and the soy protein were in it but didn't think anything about it cause i never reacted to it before. Within minutes i started neezing and my throat hurt like hell. I couldn't even swallow it hurt so bad. First i thought i was getting the crud like everyone but this came on fast. I'm talking 10-15 minutes. I asked if anyone held a bunny, guinnea pig, cat etc cause i react a similar way to their hair. Then however my hands started to itch like crazy, my face became puffy and red, and i could feel my thriat swelling. I kinda flipped out right there. My mom and dh calmed me down and watched me closely and luckily it didn't get worse. I got hives on my arms and along my spine and i couldn't talk, my voice sounded like kermit, mixed with the swollen nasal passages, i was glad i could breathe.

I pumped and dumped that night and fed dd formula, since i didn't know if she might react too. Dh felt bad, threw the stuff out and swore to check ingredients better. I took a double dose zyrtec and my thoat hurt all day yesterday. I'm good today but that was really scary, considering the minute amount that i actually tried.

[Worldshakerz]

That's so scary MissE, I'm glad you are okay though!

I had to withdraw from the two online college classes I was taking this semester. With a new baby, the two older kids, and the suspected adrenal fatigue and other physical health stuff I am trying to figure out, it was a bit too ambitious of me and I have fallen far behind. Luckily its not too late for me to withdraw with a grade of "W". I know its best for me right now, but its disappointing none-the-less. We all still have this cold. It's been a week now and its still hanging on, ugggh. Benji has been in better spirits though, despite the cold. He is awake more and very interested in what is going on around him and he loves to be outside :) He's given a few half-smiles too, he is so sweet. Looks like we'll be Halloween costume shopping today - I'm trying to get 7yo DD to clean up her room a bit first though, and its like pulling teeth. 

[MadiMamacita]

Originally Posted by Flower of Bliss 

My babies always hated "tummy time" but they spent plenty of time chest to chest on me in a sling, which really uses the same muscles. 

. I took D's for his 3 week ped visit and the ped asked about tummy time (at three weeks? Really?) I told her no but a lot of baby wearingand she was like well that's good for keeping his head nice and round... my first never did "tummy time" and his neck is nice and strong g now.. I think the real reason for it is to make sure babies aren't left laying prone in baby contraptions all day. Which causes flat head and poor muscle development. So as long as baby isn't being g left in a swing/ carseat /whatever all day long I think you can safely omit tummy time. /rant