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Support issues with toddler twins

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 

My girls are 16 months old and I'm having trouble finding support. The nearest twins group is 45 minutes away on Friday nights and it's just too far to go, and at bed time. I go to LLL meetings or other non-multiples support groups and I end up feeling like another species. And my girls aren't really even walking full time yet. It's just going to get harder. I'm just feeling tired and lonely and a little overwhelmed.

post #2 of 11

grouphug.gif

I'm not a twin mom yet, but I've found some pretty awesome twin mom's here. Maybe you should start a thread specifically for twin mom's with toddlers so that you can all talk about what's going up with your kiddos. (I would so love to lurk on that :) ) 

post #3 of 11

i hear yeah, so many folks talk about the logistics of newborn twins, but for me it was when they both got to walking that life was finally turned upside down. and yeah i felt even further apart from my mom of singlets.  heck before they started walking i wanted two more!

post #4 of 11
Thread Starter 

I still want another, as stupid as that sounds. But I am so so so overwhelmed. And the walking is only a periodic hobby at this point. I'm feeling kind of crushed, and they've been sick, so the constant wakeups at night have been even more frequent. (I have one who wakes once when not sick and lots when sick, and one who wakes about every two hours. They're awesome. Both just terrific, but I feel like I've been hit by a truck. And like I'm just going to feel like a failure forever.

post #5 of 11

from about 13-18 months i was feeling very much like a failure on even pretty good days,

now they hug each other when something goes wrong,

and they are starting to be able to tell me what they need and what hurts.

and when im having a hard day ,my girl will pat ME on the pack and show how much she cares for me.

i can see it getting so much better.

heck a few nights ago i almost started to entertain the thought of another one too.

 

so i think the feeling comes in waves, and "this too shall pass" is the motto to stick with.

 

 

 

the verge of walking was really hard, it came with bad sleep and clingy babies in my house. and my girl walked at 13m and my boy not till 16m so it was a pretty drawn out process for us.  once they both get it down, it opens up another level of play and adventure and independence that is refreshing.  hang in there

post #6 of 11
*hugs* I know how you feel! I am lucky to have a lll group in my area for multiples and it makes such a difference for me to go and be around other mamas who are really like me, even if its only once a month. I have connected with moms through there. But most moms groups just kind of gape in awe as I tandem nurse or otherwise wrangle two toddlers. They just can't relate. There is a group on fb that's very active "naturally parenting twins" I know online support isn't the same as real life people though greensad.gif
post #7 of 11

I felt really misunderstood and alone at that point, too--when my twins were about 15-16 months.  It's like you've made it through the "hard first year", but it's STILL hard.  And nobody really "gets" it.  I felt SO alone.

 

Don't have much to say, except be gentle on yourself and know that you're not alone.  Twin toddlers is just as hard as twin infants (IMO)--just in different ways, and so it's okay to feel frustrated, sad, discouraged, etc.  You're doing a great job--try to remember that!!!  And as my very loving OB said, "Humans were not supposed to have 2 babies at once."  For some reason, that stuck with me in validating how hard it can be to have multiple infants/toddlers...

 

Hugs!

post #8 of 11
Thread Starter 

Both are walking now, and it is indeed a new world, both of independence (and playing while I check email sometimes) and of work (they run in different directions, and we're going through another biting phase).

 

And I love that I can check in here for support.

post #9 of 11
I know this is 2 weeks old...but I just had to tell you all how comforting I found this thread to be.

It's nice to know that other mamas find the toddler stage can be just as challenging as the newborn stage. I just told my DH the other day that I just really had no idea that having my twins would be this hard ... this much ... for this long.

And I completely agree that singleton moms/friends just don't fully understand. We are our own breed! :-)

Sending smiles to each of you!
post #10 of 11

I remember taking toddler twins and three year old to the library.  I think the other parents thought I was crazy.  I was constantly running after one or the other and checking all exits, taking non-board books away and redirecting the twins during circle time.  Yeah, toddler age was not fun.  Now that they're almost 2.5 it's so much better.  In fact just the other day I was at the library, sitting down no less!, and think about how I would never have been able to relax even 6 months ago.  Don't get me wrong they're still a lot of work but they're entertained for longer chunks of time now and don't try to run out of every available door.  It gets better.

post #11 of 11

I haven't posted in quite some time, but reading this thread reminds me of why I loved Mothering.com so much.  It is nice to hear the voices of folks that understand just how challenging it is to parent toddler twins.

 

My little guys are 21 months old and it seems as if we used to really go everywhere before they started walking.  They are becoming so much more independent, but it means that I am chasing them everywhere now.

 

I have found it difficult to find support too, and when I go out now a days, I am also sure that we stick out as I run around after my little guys all day.  The bright side is that my 6 year old finds it humorous, most of the time.

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