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Super picky 6 year old: give in or keep forcing the issue? - Page 3

post #41 of 45

See, and I think the OP is sensitive enough to her child to balance his need to control what he eats in the present and his need to learn good manners and competent self-care. I don't think she's going to force her kid to eat things that make him vomit and I don't think she's going to raise an ungrateful, ill-mannered person. 

 

There are a lot of things to keep in mind when we address this issue. Do you want to have a big conflict with your kids about food? My answer: not even in the short term, your answer may be different.  Do you feel put-upon if you have to cook different things for every member of the family? My answer is no, but many parents really hate doing this. Are you worried about allergies? Me: no, you, maybe yes.

 

Do you value raising your children to seem French, and are you willing to cook your way through Julia Child in order to make that happen? I don't want a French kid, no matter how much fun it would be to cook like that...I know that's not the point of the book, but I'm getting a little tired of trying to make my kid into a Parisian or an Amazonian hunter-gatherer. I want to raise him in my culture, thanks. For heaven's sake, I actually WANT him to be picky and not to eat foods he doesn't like. Seriously. It was not good for me that I ate whatever people asked me to eat when I was a child. He needs to learn to assert himself politely at the table without hurting the cook's feelings. That's also a skill. 

 

I think you have to look at yourself, and look at your kids, and decide which feels like the right way to you. I've seen both directions done badly and done well. It's really no fun to have a gathering with parents who expect children to eat everything if their kids don't want to do that. Yes, that can sometimes work but sometimes, it's just a lot of parent-kid bickering. Ick. 

post #42 of 45

What has been proposed concerning putting food in front of a child, demanding the child eat it, and *thank* the uncaring person who put it there infuriates me.

 

That would be really infuriating, if anybody had said that. But not even the poster who got all het up and had some of her posts deleted said that. In fact, she suggested that no notice whatsoever be paid to what a child does or does not eat when the family dines together. 

 

I require my children to try all foods that they are served, and to refrain from any negative comments to the chef. (Particularly when the chef is not me.) I'm sorry if you were forced to eat large portions of food you didn't like in childhood - but I'm not doing that. 

 

BTW, if I were uncaring, I'd just let my my kids eat whatever they wanted, because that would be very easy here in the land of cheap junk food. Cultivating a healthy palate is much harder. Anybody who is doing that for their children cares a whole heck of a lot about them. 

post #43 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smithie View Post

What has been proposed concerning putting food in front of a child, demanding the child eat it, and *thank* the uncaring person who put it there infuriates me.


That would be really infuriating, if anybody had said that. But not even the poster who got all het up and had some of her posts deleted said that. In fact, she suggested that no notice whatsoever be paid to what a child does or does not eat when the family dines together. 


I require my children to try all foods that they are served, and to refrain from any negative comments to the chef. (Particularly when the chef is not me.) I'm sorry if you were forced to eat large portions of food you didn't like in childhood - but I'm not doing that. 


BTW, if I were uncaring, I'd just let my my kids eat whatever they wanted, because that would be very easy here in the land of cheap junk food. Cultivating a healthy palate is much harder. Anybody who is doing that for their children cares a whole heck of a lot about them. 

Check your posts.

The poster who had her posts removed was abusive in her remarks.

I'd rather cultivate compassion by example than a palate. I believe everyone, when having equal opportunity to truely healthy foods (and I believe many are misguided in their beliefs of what is healthy) will choose a balanced diet over the course of a couple of weeks.
post #44 of 45

I didn't see any of the stuff that was deleted - I'm sure it was quite nasty and personal in order to draw moderator attention. But if she said that she berated her children at the table or forced them to eat particular things, then those bits contradicted her initial post significantly and were gone before I revisited this thread.

 

"Compassion" vs. "a palate" is a false dichotomy. It's our job as parents to cultivate BOTH. But I think that we do not actually disagree about this, because "I believe everyone, when having equal opportunity to truely healthy foods (and I believe many are misguided in their beliefs of what is healthy) will choose a balanced diet over the course of a couple of weeks" is pretty much exactly how I would describe my approach to child nutrition. My children are allowed to decline foods they don't want to eat. They just aren't allowed to be discourteous about it or to make their eating choices a focus of attention at the table, and they are not allowed to demand an alternate meal. 

post #45 of 45
There are some who clearly haven't understood what I was saying. I shall hope the OP understood. I believe the OP to be a caring mother, and I am certain *her* child is not vomiting, or even near vomiting. I am also certain she is compassionate. Therefore, I'm not going to say any more here.
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