My mother would like to be involved in this birth and baby moon...I am not sure why although I have my suspicions. She has beaten all around the bush but not yet pushed into stating that she wants to be more involved in this birth and baby moon then she was with DD (who was an emergency c). It is probably for a selfish reason (like, if I need her help post-pregnancy she would have an opportunity to travel out of state/country). That being said, she is also not the type of person to prepare for anything and procrastinates EVERYTHING. Which drives me utterly insane. But I don't mind if she wants to be involved because it may offer her some advantage (and there is an advantage to me of course). I mind that she wants to be involved but does not want to do any work for it. Like, she wants a free vacation complete with 4 course meals. That has me concerned because sometimes her expectations are a bit over the top and we live on the cheap and cheap, especially when we are traveling. DH has said it is ultimately up to me whether I ask her to be involved, although he has also said he will not tolerate her lack of help because of the stress it puts on me. He will ship her home immediately, even if it is half way around the world! (LOL, DH is rightfully protective and I love him for it).
I have to set tasks before her because although she wants to do these things, she does not know how to prepare for them. She was supposed to have her passport soon since we initially planned that she would be visiting us in Japan in Spring so that she could take DD back for a visit with her father (child visitation requirements). With the pregnancy, a few things are still up in the air. She still has not gotten the passport, she says because our plans were not concrete although the deadline we set was not for another month or 2. The threat was that if she did not get her passport in time, then I had a back-up friend who would come pick up DD if I could not/did not want to make the extra trip (plus the friend would LOVE a trip to Japan and it is the same cost to fly me home and back as it is to fly someone to Japan and back). She was also supposed to have started walking as exercise but she has not started that and comes up with excuse after excuse. Right now, I don't think she could easily walk more then a short block in her neighborhood. She is not a fit woman, by any means. To get around in Japan, she has to be able to walk a few miles a day.
So I thought a good place to start preparing her would be a book or two to read about birth options and breastfeeding and other such things. She did not have the options we now have Its and she never breastfed. A lot has changed in the 40+ years since she had her first. It would be nice to have someone supportive in these skills instead of me trying to constantly ask and direct her to do specific tasks during the birth and after. I am not even sure she will read the books, but if she does then I will know how committed she really is. It would also end the constantly well-meaning yet irritating suggestions she made with DDs birth/baby moon. Things like "what's wrong with disposables?" and "Isn't formula better or equal to breastmilk?" or even "what's the difference between a plastic bottle and glass except that one will break when dropped?" I don't blame her for not knowing, but she needs a little education at the very least.
I would truly like to have her involved, but she brings a serious set of stressers (because of her procrastination) that I can not handle when I have to deal with my own DD and DH and future child too.
So any books that would cover the birthing/breastfeeding options? I generally just want her to understand how things go these days, not necessarily be an expert in them.
Any other ideas about how I can prepare her? I have thought about a class, but I am not sure about costs.