Stop telling women that it's easy. - Page 3

[Lucy Alden]

Originally Posted by foreverinbluejeans 

Breastfeeding is easy. It feels good. If it isn't or it doesn't then you know something is wrong.

Seriously!?!! 

There just are no words.

[MrsGregory]

Hooray nursing mothers!

I personally found breastfeeding easy, as in convenient and natural, but it was painful, and there wasn't a "problem", it was just painful for me.  The pain subsided, but, and I think I've mentioned this before on this very board, I was completely distraught and remembering that "If it hurts there is something wrong." until a fabulous nurse told me that intense pain on let-down is totally normal for some people and will subside.  I'll tell that story to everyone that will listen.  I wish someone had told me breastfeeding might hurt, I could have saved myself several days of intense worry and upset.

[skycheattraffic]

Nursing for me is easy. Now. 18 months pp. It was impossible, infuriating, frustrating, painful, drag-the-last-ounce-of-life-out-of-me miserable in the beginning. I had an almost 8lb 41week healthy baby, no tongue tie, no palate problems, healthy breasts, reasonably shaped nipples, not a huge amount of pain, vaginal delivery. DD would. not. latch. She was mucusy, stopped breathing a couple of times and started screaming each time she saw my breast. The nurses on the ward were clueless how to help: they'd grab my boob, grab crying baby and shove them together . I pumped for ten weeks, bottle fed and started slowly transitioning baby back to the breast. Nothing was wrong, I just had no support of nursing mothers to rely on and no experience. I totally agree with pps that our generation of mothers mostly didn't grow up in a nursing community. It's like trying to learn how to ride a bike when no one in your family knows how to ride one and has never seen a person on a bicycle. I can ask my mom for advice on mealtime, diapering, discipline, etc but she has no experience to help me with nursing. I had to learn how to nurse and how to HELP Dd learn how to nurse too. I will be more prepared with the second one but I feel guilty that DD was my guinea pig. No one told me that initially it can be very hard and that there is a steep learning curve to nursing. Maybe if someone did, I wouldn't have felt so guilty and inadequate.

[AdinaL]

Originally Posted by MrsGregory 

Hooray nursing mothers!

I personally found breastfeeding easy, as in convenient and natural, but it was painful, and there wasn't a "problem", it was just painful for me.  The pain subsided, but, and I think I've mentioned this before on this very board, I was completely distraught and remembering that "If it hurts there is something wrong." until a fabulous nurse told me that intense pain on let-down is totally normal for some people and will subside.  I'll tell that story to everyone that will listen.  I wish someone had told me breastfeeding might hurt, I could have saved myself several days of intense worry and upset.

Yes! My first DD was 2 before someone told me that their let-down *didn't* hurt.  I was flabbergasted because mine always did. Nothing wrong, just have one hell of a let down apparently, but it always hurt.  Hurts with kiddo number 2 as well, just the way I am built.

[tropicana]

this is obviously a touchy topic. 

i have been on both "sides" of the breastfeeding scenario. with my 1st child, it was sooooooooooooooo hard. i truly suffered. for ten weeks. then had a breakthrough, and although she was never "exclusively" breastfed, we went on to nurse long and proud. with my 2nd, i had already nursed through his pregnancy, and tandemed. his nursing was easy and exclusively breastfed.

i will have to say that the two perspectives on this topic both have legitimacy. breastfeeding can be very very easy!! it can also be very very hard!!

we do not live in a breastfeeding culture, so there is the dynamic of that overlaying all of our experiences (the good and the bad).

from the perspective of my first breastfeeding experience, i persevered through a lot of adversity, and a lot of what got me by was the advice i found here on MDC, mainly from women who had successful ("easy") breastfeeding experiences. if you can stay open to it, you can receive a lot of good information, even when it is personally frustrating to hear because you are still in the throes of the hardship.

just sayin'. 

[kayleesmom]

Sending hugs to all.

[Cynthia Mosher]

Youngfrankenstein, please edit your post to remove the personally attacking words. Many posters have managed to express their strong disagreement with foreverinbluejeans' post without attacking her personally. I'm sure you can do the same. So please edit to avoid receiving an infraction and removal of your posting privileges. 

[ancoda]

  With my first it was horrible. I went to 3 different LC and they could not find anything wrong, but it took months to get decent BF established.  With my second baby he would only nurse on one side. We tried different positions and that did nothing.  We took him to get adjustments with a chiropractor thinking it was a neck thing, that did nothing to change it.  I ended up having to just nurse him on the one side and pump the other side.  With my 3rd it was actually rather easy compared to the other two, but really I don't think it had anything to do with me knowing better what I was doing.  His birth was easy and he was really a rather easy baby all around.

[contactmaya]

Originally Posted by ancoda 
   With my 3rd it was actually rather easy compared to the other two, but really I don't think it had anything to do with me knowing better what I was doing.  

I wonder if our bodies just figure it out in some way, smooth out the creases so to speak

[Mulvah]

I am glad I posted this, as I have enjoyed reading the various perspectives, stories, and advice.

Originally Posted by kathymuggle 

I agree with FIBJ that if BFing is difficult, something often is wrong.  This would certainly hold true on a medical level - if you get Mastitis over and over again, thrush, etc…something probably is wrong.   I am not touching or judging emotional reasons BFing might be difficult with a 10 foot pole, lol.

That being said, there is no way on earth I would say this to a woman who was struggling with BF.  When you are struggling with BF, it is hard.  Going on about the natural, easy bliss of BFing when the woman in front of you is on the verge of emotion and physical breakdown is not compassionate or helpful. 

You just did. 

[CoBabyMaker]

This thread is really interesting to me.  I don't think I have ever heard anyone tell a mother that breastfeeding is easy as a general statement.    I have heard people say (and have said myself) that breastfeeding X child was easy in comparison to Y child but never in a general sense.  I do find it easier to have my breasts with me than to pack formula but that's not saying much overall.

DD1 was hard.  I still distinctly remember crying to DH in the middle of the night and saying, "This is why!  This is why people give up and quit!  I know why they do!"  The refusing to latch, nipple shields, weaning from the shield, being screamed at every.single.time, the nursing strikes, the reflux, the food allergies.  It wasn't easy.  I didn't have help because I was so turned off by the hospital LC that I was convinced other people would all do the same thing.  I found nipple shields because I had seen them on a random Tyra Banks talk show.  That is sad but they saved us.  I figured it out on my own and using online info.

DD2 was actually easy, she latched, it was good and it worked.   It was surreal.

Anyway, I am surprised that so many women have heard that it's easy.  I usually just try to give new/expectant moms information sources and offer support because it CAN BE VERY HARD! 

[kathymuggle]

nm 

[kathymuggle]

Originally Posted by CoBabyMaker 

This thread is really interesting to me.  I don't think I have ever heard anyone tell a mother that breastfeeding is easy as a general statement.    I have heard people say (and have said myself) that breastfeeding X child was easy in comparison to Y child but never in a general sense.  

Yeah, in the real world I usually hear about how hard breastfeeding is. I know several people who were swayed (or said they were swayed) away from nursing because so many people told them horror stories.  It is books, brochures and the like that go on about how easy it is.  I don't think going on about how hard breastfeeding is, is any better than promoting the idea that it comes naturally and is blissful and easy. Truth is best - it is work, often harder in the beginning, easier for some nursing couples than others, and while you can prepare for it, and do your best to ensure a successful path, you might still run into difficulties. 

[contactmaya]

Some difficulties in breastfeeding, such as repeated cases of mastitis, may reflect some health issue. But breastfeeding can be hard be hard for so many reasons. Refusal to latch? Was it that  the nurse offered ds formula? Either way, there was nothing wrong specifically with me or my child, and this is a common problem, milk supply goes down as a result, nothing 'wrong' with that, that is the normal reaction to decreased latch on.  Cracked and sore nipples? Very normal in breasts that are unused to breastfeeding. I discovered those nipple shields too, and they saved us for awhile.  Being woken up in the middle of the night when you are not used to it, and being exhausted, very normal.

The profuse sweat that accompanied let down was something unpleasant that noone warned me about (it was the middle of summer)

I do think that lactivists (im one of them) tend to omit the difficulties for fear of turning newbies off breastfeeding. I remember when pregnant being absolutely APPALLED that i had to breastfeed the baby at least every 2 hours. I silently thought to myself, i dont think i can do this, every two hours?! No way!!!! (as if that was actually the biggest challenge) 

[Rrrrrachel]

I didn't have any unusual problems, my milk came right in, no mastitis, baby latched mostly ok, etc, and it was STILL really hard for awhile. It does not come naturally, even setting aside all kinds of societal pressures and biases. I love the honesty of the op and women should say it out loud more often.

[Sharlla]

on the same token people need to stop saying how "hard" BFing is. i know that there could be challenges but thats not the norm and BFing should not hurt. i know women who chose not to BF after hearing so many horror stories.   i personally find BFing to be easy.
 

[contactmaya]

Originally Posted by Sharlla   BFing should not hurt.  

It may not hurt when you get used to it, but everything has its learning curve. Its like saying 'labor shouldn't hurt'.   Its normal to have difficulties at first, and normal for nipples who are still in training to feel pain when pressed and squeazed without a chance to heal.

Every woman is different though, some women actually orgasm during childbirth.

Maybe its better to be truthful about possible challenges, with the acknowledgement that some women may not have those challenges.

For me personally, pregnancy was a sinch 3x over. Birth was painful both in a hospital with pitocin, at home with a midwife, and at home virtually unassisted since midwife and doula arrived only 10mins before crowning. 

Breastfeeding only hurt the first time . But thats me.

[MrsGregory]

I think one of the best things women can do regarding communication about breastfeeding is just that; communicate about breastfeeding.  I understand the worry that some women will be scared off breastfeeding if they hear enough horror stories.  I get that.  I was certainly in no huge rush to have a child because of the horror stories I'd heard about pregnancy and labor.  So now that I'm armed with the knowledge that for me, let-down is a white hot screaming painful affair for a couple of weeks, am I not that thrilled to breastfeed again?  Of course!  That sucked.  But at least this time I know what I'm getting into.  When my daughter is having children, I'll tell her my experience.  If she chooses not to go through that pain, who am I to judge her?  But I would never tell her it was all magical, and then let her find out the hard way.  That seems cruel.  We're both women, if only for that reason, I owe her the truth.  And for us, the truth is, we struggle hard to birth our children, and it hurts like hell for us to nurse our newborns.  I'll also tell her we do it anyway, because we're a lot meaner than we look.  Why can't we all just have conversations like that?  I'm thrilled for women who find the whole affair easy and affirming.  I didn't. 

[Rrrrrachel]

Women stop breastfeeding early because they think there's something wrong when it's not a piece of cake. It goes both ways. I agree the best thing to do is be honest and open about the wide variety of experiences a healthy and normal breastfeeding relationship can give.

[pek64]

Part of the ease is the generally better health of the infant. Fewer ear infections. Fewer illnesses. And better bonding. At least that was my experience when comparing my child to those fed formula.