Early 20s and just diagnosed.

[Amber Bowman]

Hello ladies! I'm looking for any and all advice to help me get through this crazy mess.

First, a little about myself and my situation, my name is Amber I'm 22 years old and have one four year old daughter already. The hubster and I have been actively trying to conceive for a little over a year now. I have never ever ever had a normal period and ALL of my doctors since I was 16 were never bothered by this. I used to literally have two periods a year, now I haven't had a "period" in four years. Yes, FOUR. I had abnormal bleeding from having my IUD removed, I was told the lack of period for three out of four years was due to this as well as the abnormal bleeding which lasted a wonderful 3 long months of heavy disgustingness. Also, I got pregnant at 17 with my daughter while I was on birth control pills, hence the IUD. None of my family has ever had problems with infertility, on either side. My grandmother had 12 children, and my cousin just got pregnant with her fourth AFTER having her tubes tied.

Anyway, as stated, I was literally told two days ago that I am infertile. Dr. wants me to get an HSG, since there is no reason as to why I don't have a normal period or ovulation (all bloodwork and ultrasounds have came back clean), to find out if my tubes are closed, then he plans on giving me provera and clomid for 6 cycles, letting me do at home OPKs and I guess then reassessing and sending me for IVF which we can't afford on a military salary and our insurance will not cover any part of it besides some of the medication. 

I was just looking for some people that I could relate to bc this is extremely upsetting for me and my husband. This would be our first child together and I've had baby fever ever since we got married. 

Thanks for your help. (this vent was pretty sweet)

[monkeyscience]

Hmm... well, I'd be curious to know exactly what sorts of bloodwork/ultrasounds you've had done. I'm guessing the diagnosis of "infertile" is just based on not conceiving within the past year, since they haven't found any systemic cause? I know there are some ladies around here (both who have successfully conceived with treatment, and who haven't) who have never found any cause for their infertility. Also, has your dh had his sperm checked? Male infertility is just as likely as female infertility, so the problem could lie with him. If he hasn't had a semen analysis done, he should get one, pronto. And if your RE is going ahead with testing you without insisting he be tested, I would get a new RE. Any RE worth his or her salt will want a semen analysis before going forward, since it's a very easy, non-invasive test, and, again, just as likely that the infertility is male-factor as female-factor. Especially since you've already had some testing done on you.

Also, just want to lend some empathy/anger to doctors totally ignoring menstrual irregularity. I never, ever had regular periods. Doctors completely dismissed it as probably normal, and later, as probably not "normal", but not of any concern until I wanted to get pregnant. Finally, a couple of months before I got married, I found a doctor who actually sort of cared that I was not ovulating, ordered some bloodwork, and pretty quickly figured out I have PCOS. That doctor turned out to not be the greatest in many regards, but getting the PCOS diagnosis was at least a step forward for me.

Speaking of ovulation - have you tried tracking your fertility signs at all to get an idea of what's going on in your body? I highly, highly recommend Toni Weschler's Taking Charge of Your Fertility, if you haven't already read it. I had no clue there was a fairly straightforward way to find out if I was ovulating (answer: nope, almost never) until someone recommended that book to me.

Also, if and when you choose to share your struggles with others, be prepared for a lot of stupid, ignorant comments.

-"Well, you already have a kid, so you can't really be infertile."

Yeah, it's called secondary infertility, geniuses, and it happens all the time. There are quite a number of ladies on these forums who had "oops" or very easily conceived first babies who have struggled (or are still struggling, after YEARS) to conceive a second. Plus, as mentioned above, fertility has two components - you and your dh. Since your dd isn't your dh's biokid, you don't have any fertile history as a couple.

-"You're too young to be infertile!"

I hate this one, and I faced it when dealing with fertility issues at 26. I can only imagine it's worse at a younger age. Fertility knows no age limits, so don't let anyone tell you you're "too young" to be infertile.

-"Relax! You're young, you have plenty of time!"

This is probably the most infuriating. Don't let anyone tell you you don't have a right to feel sad about not being able to get pregnant easily, no matter your age. And truthfully, you may have more years left to try before menopause than many women, but it's no guarantee. And it's especially frustrating to deal with infertility during what should be your  most fertile years.

Despite the stupid comments, though, I'm definitely glad I told more people as opposed to fewer about our struggles, because it stopped people from constantly (and painfully) asking us when we were going to have kids.

Also, there are a lot of great ladies (including some younger ones) on the Infertility One Thread who are great for support and answering questions. So you might want to check that out, too.

Good luck!!

[Amber Bowman]

Thank you for responding, I will definitely check out the other page for advice as well. Yes, I have already gotten those comments from family and friends. They just don't seem to understand the whole being fertile when not wanting kids vs. when you actually do want/are ready for kids, I guess. And yes, that was the reasoning for saying infertile I believe. 

I can't remember ALL of the bloodwork they did but I do know they checked thyroid, pituitary gland, FSH, LH, progesterone, testosterone, etc. they must have taken out around 12+ vials of blood. All perfectly fine. I had one ultrasound to check for any cysts or fibroids or just anything on the ovaries/uterus, doctor said they looked perfectly fine. He did order a semen analysis, we're waiting on the results of that but I really don't think it's him. At least, I'm hoping it's only just me, you know how that goes... if you keep saying it's not that then maybe somehow it won't be. I should have clarified earlier I was in a rush, sorry. :c

I have tried tracking ovulation but it is so disappointing to keep doing it every single month only to have a negative result staring you in the face, so I don't do it as often as I was. I bought a huge supply of the wondfo ovulation strips and was using them practically every single day for the past year. Nada. My husband started to think I was going crazy with them for a while. I heard about women checking their mucus, cervix, and "feeling" for the sharp like pain in the ovaries. None of that works for me. There's never any change in the mucus, cannot feel my cervix, and the only pain I've ever had in the ovaries was from a cyst my IUD caused and I only ever had one of them. 

[monkeyscience]

Just some advice, especially after some bad experiences by myself and others - make sure you get copies of your lab results. Actual numbers, not just something saying they're fine. Because a few people have found that their doctors said they were "fine", but, in actuality, they were NOT fine, upon review months or years later. It's also good to be aware that there's a fairly wide range of opinions about what "normal" thyroid levels are, so that's something you might want to look in.

And I totally understand the frustration of charting. It sounds like you've already confirmed one important thing from charting - you don't ovulate regularly - which makes sense, given the lack of periods. I gave up on charting anything other than my temperature, too, because my CM never seemed to change, and I couldn't tell any difference in my cervix, either. Which makes sense, given my lack of ovulation. When I did start ovulating again (after quitting my high-stress job), I never did see fertile cervical fluid, which led me to using PreSeed (a lubricant that mimics fertile cervical fluid), which I think helped in ultimately conceiving.

I remember having mixed feelings in waiting for the results of dh's semen analysis. On one hand (since I already knew I definitely had issues), it seemed like it would be simpler if we only had issues on one side, and I knew dh would take it really personally if he got poor results. On the other hand, I almost wished it wouldn't be just me, so it wouldn't be all my "fault". (Not that my dh did or ever would put it that way.) Anyway, it's good you're getting that checked out, so you know if that's an issue you need to address.

I'm sorry your friends and family aren't being more supportive. You might consider sharing with them something I shared on my Facebook page awhile back: Infertility Etiquette. And feel free to rant here - those of us who have been there/are there totally understand the need to vent!

[Amber Bowman]

Yeah, I understand what you're saying. Went through that with the OB i had with my daughter. She ended up being 1 month premature bc he never told me my bp was high until it was too high, turned into pre eclampsia, and then he rushed me into a cesarean which led to other complications. I'll ask for copies of everything else when I go in for the HSG. That being said, this is actually technically my "second opinion". Hubster's in the Army and we PCS'd to GA from NY in April. I went in to the GYN up there for the abnormal bleeding got my first set of tests dr. said all was fine probably just from the IUD and if we wanted to get pregnant to get on clomid bc I'd probably need it.

Anyway, I didn't pursue that any further since she was really vague and I figured since we were moving anyway it would be pointless to start anything else. Came down here and started to get set up asked the dr. about it and got a second set of tests done even though they could have gotten access to the previous test results. The Army is crazy but i'm glad they did the tests over. I told him what the previous GYN said and he cautioned me to take it at face value for the time being and wait the other six months so we'd have been trying for a year, we waited seven and he confirmed what the previous GYN had said. 

[planegreen]

Hi Amber,

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.  I am 29, had my first at 19 (I agree BCPs don't always work!!).  After that I had an IUD for 5 years, got pregnant with my second daughter 1 cycle after that was out.  My youngest is now turning 4 and no luck on conceiving another.  So I get a lot of your comments about having that first one so young and then being so frustrated when you want another and can't have it!  To go along with what monkeyscience said, I hate, hate, hate the comments that imply I already have two so be grateful.  Only you can say how many kids you want to have.  Also the one about having so much time to still have another.  Well yes but I wanted my kids close in age not each 5 years apart!!  I don't really want one in high school, one in middle school, and one in kindergarten!  

So anyway, I'm glad that you found this board to get a few things vented.  I recently found this place too and it has been a great place to say what I feel without people looking at me weird.  I hope you can find some answers or get going on a treatment that will work for you.  I wish the best for you and your DH!