How long did you wait to have baby no. 2 after a preemie?

[avismama24]

Hi All,

I am a mama to my now 11 month old son, 8 months corrected as he was born just shy of 28 weeks. He is absolutely incredible and we are having an amazing time together. 

I am wondering if any other moms of significantly premature babies new when, if ever that they were ready to have another baby. I never imagined myself as a person who only has one baby. We are a blended family so he does have siblings, but they are much older at ages 10 and 13. I want him to have a partner in crime, as I cherish the relationship I have with my brother, but I am scared to have another preemie. It was SUCH a huge challenge to our family. I had no prexsisting conditions and they have no clue why I went into premature labor. Also I struggle with feeling guilty about wanting another baby....like we already got so lucky to have this beautiful, healthy, amazing little boy, why push our luck. 

Anyone else feeling this way?

[Bokonon]

My first wasn't quite as premature as yours (32 weeks) but was pretty sick at first and spent 6 weeks in the NICU.  I was also very sick with severe preeclampsia.

I thought I wanted 2 but was so spooked by our experience (and severe morning sickness for the duration of my pregnancy) that it took a good 2 years after DS's birth for me to consider having a second, and then we weren't ready to try for #2 until DS was over 3 years old.

I did end up with hyperemesis and severe pre-e again, and was on bedrest in and out of the hospital for several weeks, so our concerns were justified, but I made it to 34 weeks and brought home a healthy baby girl after 2 weeks in the NICU.

I'm not doing it again, LOL, but it was worth it for the 2 kids I felt our family was meant to have.

Best wishes to you whatever decision you make!

[avismama24]

Thanks! I just have this gut feeling that we will go through the same process to achieve the next little one, and I'm not sure that is in the best interest of anyone, but I know many families who had multiple preemies or complicated pregnancies such as your self and the mom will loook me in the eye and tell you that their children were worth every second of pain, anxiety, etc.

Thanks again for sharing your story.....I appreciate it :)
 

[Ratchet]

I also had a 27+3 weeker due to chorio.  I plan on scheduling a preconception appointment with the high risk OB practice I would have to see next time.  Talk about the chances of recurrance, what they would do to decrease the chance, what kind of monitoing you would go through, etc.  Ask them a good recommended interpregnancy interval.  Of course, you may meet with the and find it doesn't really change your decision.  But I'm looking forward to getting all the facts out on the table.  If someone told me it was a 100% chance of a 27 weeker again I wouldn't do it, but I'm sure it won't be so clear-cut.  I don't know what chances of recurrance would scare me away but I want to hear it.  Plus, if they recommend stopping work earlier or bed rest or super frequent appointments I would space things out further (to deal with money and work issues) than if it would be routine until proven otherwise. I have heard that 18 months is generally a good interpregnancy interval from the perspective of general health, so I'm going to sched my preconception visit for at least that far out.

[liberal_chick]

I would've gotten pregnant again very quickly b/c I had such an internal desire to "do it right."  I felt really broken and wanted to prove I could carry and deliver a baby.

We ended up having our second just shy of ds1 turning 4; my dh was the reason we delayed so long.  My first was premature due to PPROM at 20 weeks.  Prior to getting pregnant, I went to see my old OB (we had moved by this point) and talk about why it happened, chances of recurrence, etc, but she felt that the rupture was a freak thing.  I decided to see a midwife and have a HB the second time around and she was great about recommending things to make a strong sac of water and grow a big baby, so I took supplements in addition to my prenatal vitamin.  I also saw an OB concurrently, just in case something happened again, and had him run tests for BV (which can cause PPROM) at the very beginning of my pregnancy.  Things went beautifully and ds2 was born at home, full term.

[MadelinesMama]

I won't be having another.  I had mild pre-e with my first child and delivered at 37 weeks.  With my second I had severe pre-e, 27 weeks and spent 10 days in ICU myself after delivery.  No one in this family could handle an experience similar to what happened last time.  It was INCREDIBLY hard doing the whole NICU thing while trying to parent an older child at the same time.  I pretty much checked out from life for the 3 months my son with in the NICU.  I would like to have a third, but I'm content with our family as it is now. 
 

[zebra15]

My son is 12yrs old .  I had Pre-e with him and spent a week in ICU myself.  DS spent the first 10 yrs of life drastically underweight, he still suffers from severe asthma.  At this point in my life while I would love another child, and I've always wanted more children, the risk is just too great.  FWIW, he was born just over 5lbs.

*i think this is my 1st post in this section!

[avismama24]

This is such a great point, and i think my biggest fear. During our 70 day stay in the NICU I kept thinkning that the only thing that would make this harder would be if I had another older child to try to take care of, like many of the other mother's did. It just doesn't seem right to put a toddler through that. On the other hand there is always a good chance that this WONT happen to me again and I cold go on the have a healthy, full term pregnancy. Since they really have no idea why I went into spontaneous labor, the best they can tell me is that I have a 50/50 chance.
 

[Ratchet]

Originally Posted by liberal_chick 

I would've gotten pregnant again very quickly b/c I had such an internal desire to "do it right."  I felt really broken and wanted to prove I could carry and deliver a baby.

We ended up having our second just shy of ds1 turning 4; my dh was the reason we delayed so long.  My first was premature due to PPROM at 20 weeks.  Prior to getting pregnant, I went to see my old OB (we had moved by this point) and talk about why it happened, chances of recurrence, etc, but she felt that the rupture was a freak thing.  I decided to see a midwife and have a HB the second time around and she was great about recommending things to make a strong sac of water and grow a big baby, so I took supplements in addition to my prenatal vitamin.  I also saw an OB concurrently, just in case something happened again, and had him run tests for BV (which can cause PPROM) at the very beginning of my pregnancy.  Things went beautifully and ds2 was born at home, full term.

Right after my daughter was born- I immediatly felt that need to do it again right- although now that she's 1 it's less of a thing... I like the idea of seeing my midwife during an upcoming pregnancy- I would hope to transfer from the high risk OB if I made it (at least close) to term to give birth closer home- I was seeing a home birth midwife for my 1st pregnancy- I love the idea of maybe setting up frequent consultation type visits with her before and during the pregnancy and maybe transfer...  

and avismama24 - is that really the number?  I thought that with a previous preterm birth for whatever reason the risk of a 2nd preterm birth (or maybe at least before 34 weeks?) was about 30%, and with progesterone shots it could go down to like 15-20% as compared to the "general population" which is about 10+% I don't think these numbers are exact but I remember it from reading about PG shots... 

[Justmee]

I think going to the doctor to find out chances of reoccurance is a good idea.

Unless it's something likely to repeat itself, I would say you never know. My twins were 35 weeks (PROM) and spent 7 & 10 days in the NICU. Not terrible. I thought I was done with NICU parenting. Well surprise ds came along at 40 weeks with a congenital heart defect requiring open heart surgery and spent a week in the NICU (pre-surgery), another 5 days in the PICU, and over a week on the general ward. I was in the hospital 19 days with him and it was very hard on a lot of levels, especially having 4 other kids 8 and under at home.

So I think it comes down to man plans, G/d (or whatever force you believe in), laughs.  

Good luck. Crazy as though it seems, I'm going through the same thoughts myself. I'm 37, so if I want another I don't want to wait too long. The chances of me having another newborn in the NICU are pretty small, but then again the heart defect ds was born with is 1 in 15 - 20,000... you just never know. 

[Justmee]

double post, sorry about that :)

[avismama24]

You probaby have the very specific numbers correct, I have not sat down and had a full on consultation since my son is only 11 months old, 8 corrected, but while we were in the hospital it was said 50/50 bc what else can they say if they don't know why it happened in the first place.

On a different note, I find it interesting that so many of us feel like we want to do it again so soon becasue "we want to do it right", myself included. Where is this pressure coming from to have the ideal, natural, homebirth? I know i am still struggiling with what I perceive to be a loss of an experience and an expectation, even though my son is thriving and I thnk my lucky stars everyday for him and his HEALTH! I am working hard to embrace MY birth experience for what it is/was. Anyone else have thoughts on this?

[Ratchet]

Hmmm... maybe 'right' isn't exactly it... when I think of the birth, it's not that I regret decisions or anything like that.  I do feel like the experience has become just another part of the story of how we got to where we are-- but every day there are reminders of how our start was so not physiologic or not normal- so, to be able to hold your newborn after she's born, and go home together in a few days, to have your first feeding (especially breastfeeding) experiences be positive and not medical, just all the things we missed out on, I want my shot at it!

[avismama24]

Totally agree!
 

[liberal_chick]

Originally Posted by Ratchet 

Hmmm... maybe 'right' isn't exactly it... when I think of the birth, it's not that I regret decisions or anything like that.  I do feel like the experience has become just another part of the story of how we got to where we are-- but every day there are reminders of how our start was so not physiologic or not normal- so, to be able to hold your newborn after she's born, and go home together in a few days, to have your first feeding (especially breastfeeding) experiences be positive and not medical, just all the things we missed out on, I want my shot at it!

For me, this is what it was.  I didn't even decide on homebirth until right before ds2 was conceived, so for years it wasn't the homebirth I was after.  It was a hot, wet baby on my chest and nursing and chubby thighs.

[VocalMinority]

I waited 12 years, after my 24-weeker twins.

Part of that was because their dad and I split up and I didn't find my current husband for several more years.  But part of it was that I was afraid it wouldn't be fair to the twins, if I had a "normal", "easy" sibling.  Feeling that way was a big surprise for me, because I come from a big, Catholic family and always assumed I'd have a ton of kids and then be a foster parent when they all grew up and moved away.

But something about falling in love again made me feel like it was OK for me to have more in my life than just the twins, and I trusted that bringing more people I loved into their lives would enhance them, not detract from them.  I'm pretty sure that's been true.

[avismama24]

Such thoughtful responses by all. It is such a personal decision. I ADORE my son and thank my little fairies every day that things have turned out how they have. I am just trying to stay in the moment with him as his mama, and be openly optimistic to his future siblings
 

[VocalMinority]

Originally Posted by liberal_chick 

... a hot, wet baby on my chest and nursing and chubby thighs.

  Nice wordsmithing.