Voluntary Simplicity - a lifestyle shift and older kids - Page 2

[worthy]

Boredom is part of the transition when you make this kind of change.  They whine and carry on, and so you set limits -- like if you need to whine and complain, it needs to be done out of earshot of Mom.  Have a (family) complaint book where they can write down how they feel when they are frustrated.  Or maybe a once-weekly "complaint hour" where they can voice all their complaints at once and then they have to be done until the next "hearing."  I refuse to listen to complaining/whining but they can tell me how they feel in a respectful tone of voice and I will listen to that.

My kids come back from their dad's house telling me they are bored.  We have no TV, no video games, only very minimal Internet use and not for my girls (8 and 10).  At their dad's there are a ton of neighborhood kids and they eat junk and convenience food.  They go there for two 4-day stretches a month.

I just don't engage with their drama.  If they complain, I reflect it back "I hear that you're bored; you wish we had TV here; you wish you had more kids around; you wish I was less strict about (fill in the blank)" and then I affirm my strong belief that they will figure out something to do.  "Boredom is an opportunity; you will find something to do." It works -- nothing is more boring than lying on your back and looking up at the ceiling. Eventually they decide it's stupid and get up and do something else.

My standard line, which they all know well enough to say for me:  "If you're bored, lie on your back, on your bed or the floor or the grass, and look up at the sky or the ceiling, and clear your mind.  Eventually something will come to you and you'll figure out something to do." 

I would also begin regularly culling (with them) their toys and things, if you feel they have too many.  (Unless you think you can get away with culling the stuff they never use/notice/remember first.)  Either donate a box to charity every 3 months (or month or some other timeframe), or make a rule that when something comes in something else has to go out, or do a twice-yearly purge before birthdays/Christmas, or whatever.  Some schedule you and your kids can remember and stick to.  If it's too hard to donate stuff yet, put it in a "holding bin" in storage where you can find it easily but the kids can't...if they don't ask for any of that stuff back in 3 months, it goes.

That sort of thing helped our family a lot in the early days. 

If your kids need "reasons," make it about clutter, giving to those who are less fortunate (and there are so many), etc.  They might not dig your personal simplicity agenda, but a family commitment to a clutter-free house and generous giving is harder to argue with.

Is your spouse on board?  That makes a really big difference.  It can be done either way, but if the two of you are on the same page first, you can both model things well for the kids.

Good luck!

[EarthyMamaofDaisy]

You could hold a yard sale and let the kids decide what they want to sell.  You could say that the money you make will go to some sort of fun family event like camping or a trip to an art museum or whatever it is you'd think they'd enjoy.  I bet the motivation for a fun event would help them to let go of more items.  As for introducing your kids to nature you could find some kind of walking trails near you and hold a scavenger hunt on the trail for things to find on the list.  This would help them learn about tree and flower identification and too. 

[lanamommyphd07]

Having gone down the voluntary simplicity path for several years now, I can say with certainty that nothing really happened overnight...even though I'm the type to say "okay! Radical change! Right now!".

Choosing a simpler life doesn't have to involve not taking trips, or not spending on the trips. Some people choose V.S because they want more time and money to travel, or they want to get the kiddos involved in more lessons and the like. It doesn't have to mean living in a tiny house with one outlet. It doesn't have to mean shutting off the internet or throwing out the TV or trading the cars for a horse and buggy. It's just that as you roll along with really mindful choices in terms of what to do with money, time, energy...sometimes the things that bug you naturally fall away, or they become useful tools...the things that are truly important to you will be more apparent.

In the beginning, I had a 4 bedroom Victorian, a huge yard, and all the necessary trappings. 5000 books or so...the list goes on. Now my dd, dog, and I live in a 24-foot travel trailer. Half of the space is a bed, so I really don't count that as living space, so to speak. It didn't happen overnight, but I was able to change our lives dramatically. I work about 1/5 of the time I used to, I own probably 1/100 of the "stuff" I used to, I have 4 pairs of shoes (tennies, dress flats, flipflops, hiking boots..at one time I had about 100 pairs!), and I downsized kitchen goods considerably when I quit most of my cooking and baking (I was making terrible things with all those contraptions..once the Kitchenaid mixer was out, a whole lot followed). The simple life really works for me...but among all people living voluntary simplicity lives, there is a lot of variation in how we define what that means. There are no rules, just a mindset.

I've had a chance to feel "bored" recently. It was glorious. I got lost in thought in a way I haven't been able to in years and it was really great! At the cabin you have, simply announcing that you are "going on a blackberry hunt. Does anyone want to come?" might result in something happening. "somebody find me a recipe on Google for a nice blackberry pie/smoothie/something healthier ;-)"  "can anyone find out what this plant is"? My kiddo will always abandon her tech when something like that is afoot. But have I shut her off? Nah...tech is too much a part of my life, so by default it is also part of hers.

VS works great for me because I can't handle clutter. I don't like to dust things, I don't like a lot of objects around. I like a minimalist life. When I remember who I am, I don't bring more crud into the house, but alas, it sure is easy to get swept away at a store with pretty shiny stuff! 

With such a large house, it might be feasible to start shutting off parts of it. It's kind of amazing what happens when the space begins to shrink a bit. It worked for me back then! I shrunk us to the kitchen and dining room eventually, and noticed that I didn't really miss any of it. (but that was just a lady, a kid and a dog, however), and that was the beginning of realizing true VS for me. I had full rooms I never used. A whole floor of the house I never went in. A whole section of the yard that was never used except to mow....the list went on.

Hope that helps a bit! Good luck with your quest!

[accountclosed15]

WOW!!! We are very alike!!!When I downshifted, I was a little bit at a time kinda gal. But my tipping point came one day when I had spent the ENTIRE 3 day weekend cleaning and organizing, only to come home and have a complete disaster on my hands. I realized that the life I was living was not me. I wanted things to be so different and quickly. I purged 2 truckloads in 4 days. I started walking more and spending less time cleaning and organizing. I removed myself from Facebook and turned the TV off. It may have seemed radical at first but my son barely noticed the hiccup, other than the night I was purging into the wee hours of the night and I woke him up. It was a Friday in Saturday, so I made him so popcorn, turned on a favorite movie and cuddled with him on the couch. I knew right then and there I wanted more of THOSE moments and it kept me motivated. I guess my point is everyone adjusts at some point. It might take other longer, especially older kids, but they will be ok. I promise.

[mamarhu]

If I am not too late to join in here, I would suggest substituting experiences for things. In my family, a museum trip is appreciated as much as a new set of Legos, cooking together is as much fun as a restaurant meal, gardening together (seasonal, I know) at least as good as solo computer time. Although they are teens now, my kids still occasionally suggest a trip to the zoo or museum, to get some Mama time (they would never put it that way!) We have also had the experiences of living in Mexico and Costa Rica, and working in a local food pantry. I strongly recommend eye-opening experiences like these for everyone; kids and adults alike.

On the clutter subject - when my Dad died, no one else in the family wanted his huge collection of masks, trinkets, and statues from a lifetime of world travel. I took it all, because it was just so cool, and it was such a strong statement of who my Dad was, and my connection to him. But over time, I learned that I can feel that connection, remember my amazing father, with just one item. I saved one mask that really says "Dad" to me, and have gifted/donated the rest. I learned that I don't need to save every gift every received, every sentimental trinket. My living room now has 2 potted plants, one wooden mask, several framed photos, a couple paintings, and just the most basic furniture. I cannot adequately describe the way it was before this transformation - cluttered and busy are understatements. When the public area of the house was simplified, the kids sort of followed along. They were around the OP's kids ages at the time. I don't remember actively discouraging them from amassing more junk (YoungSon had 100s of action figures at one point; I don't know where they went, but they are gone). It just isn't an issue around here any more. I guess my point is that a gradual change of attitude had more impact than any sudden new rules would have had.