I guess I don't know where to start. I'm here because I hope I can get support, or answers, or something... I'm pregnant and don't like kids, even worse, I really really don't like babies. The thought of having an infant around freaks me out, and I don't think I could ever bring myself to change a diaper.
A little history about myself: I grew up as a tomboy playing with my brother and all his friends. I've always been adventurous and "one of the guys." I love everything about the outdoors, and my daily activities are always outside in the woods, exploring.
I'm really scared about being pregnant. I have an amazing hubby who is extremely supportive and he's very excited about the news. I wish I could be happy with him, but I'm just not. In fact I get depressed thinking about it. When we are out and see babies and parents, I see his eyes light up, as he smiles and makes faces at the babies. My reaction is the opposite (internally), I am grossed out. I'm sure there are other people who have gone through what I'm going through. I secretly keep hoping to myself that I have a miscarriage. I feel ashamed about it though because my hubby would be crushed.
Some of my fears besides the overall having an extremely foreign thing in my life, is giving birth, feeling nasty looking with a huge bowling ball of a belly, getting no sleep (I get crazy with no sleep), always having an extra "thing" to cart around, and I don't want to lose my identity.
I don't know "kid" people, and have always avoided them in my friends group. People have told me that even if you don't like kids, you'll love your own. Okay, that could be correct, but what about having to do kid things once it's born?? Birthday parties, the park, kid places (whatever the hell you have to do with them). That would involve being around other babies or kids and that sounds awful to me.
The most important thing to me is that my whole life revolves around being adventurous with my dogs. In fact, I am one of those "dog people." The kind who never have kids, because their dogs are their kids. Yep, that's me. When I found out I was pregnant I told my hubby that I'd rather have a puppy. Everything I do, my dogs are included. We don't vacation unless they are allowed to go. The biggest fear that I have is that my dogs will come second if we have a baby to care for, as it sounds like they take A TON of energy and time. That is the saddest thing to me. I even feel guilty. Every time I think about being pregnant, my dogs pop into my head and the guilt lays on thick.
I talk to my hubby about most of these things. He knows how I feel about it. I don't know, I am just at a loss. I hope someone can help guide me or give me answers, or any insight, or experience. Has anyone else had this experience??