Parenting time discussion in conference - HELP :((((

[chefmommy]

So we had the hearing today - the good news is that the judge told him to pay and if we have to go back for contempt - he will have to pay my attorney fees and possibly go to jail.

The bad news is that stbx's lawyer was pushing for more visit time (he currently has Weds dinners and every Sunday) I have offered every other weekends with sleepovers, but, he turned me down. My lawyer claims the judge plans on granting him interim visitation of weds dinners, every other weekend Friday to Sunday night and Friday night sleepovers on the other weekends.

So this gives me 2 Sundays per month with my children.  How is this fair? I told my lawyer this was not fair because I should have equal time with them on weekends and he said he knows that judge & that's what he said he will order.

What can I do about this????

[MissLotus]

I agree it's not fair!  It's not even standard visitation.  You should be entitled to weekend time as much as your ex.  Kids need free time with their mom, too!

Ask your lawyer how he's going to help you negotiate this.  I believe a lawyer's job is not just to file paperwork, but to actually come up with constructive ideas to try.  (Unfortunately most of them don't seem to!)  Is there already a court date set to discuss visitation, or can your lawyer help you keep it out of court so this judge can't make such a ruling?

Can you try something like, make it sound like you want to keep it "fair" - not only so that the kids can have equal weekend free time with each parent, but also because this schedule would allow ex weekend time of his own to pursue stuff.  (Not sure how to word it, and who cares about ex, but just to make it look pretty.)  And maybe, if you're okay with it, offer to make the Wednesday thing overnight instead - and of course in return they drop this every Friday night thing?  And if it comes down to it, maybe one extra Friday sleepover a month, or something.  Whatever you're comfortable offering. 

The judge sounds kind of crappy, but at least is also willing to be strict with ex financially... so maybe your ex will have a bit of incentive to want to keep it out of court and not appear there again?  I hope you can work something out that you feel okay with!

[greenemami]

I agree, I would offer him a midweek. sleepover instead of the Fridays if he is reliable enough to get the kids to school, do homework, etc (not sure what ages your children are)

If you are not comfortable with that, can you make sure you get an early pickup time on those Saturdays so you stlll have time with them? That still sucks, but is better than not getting them until Saturday night!

[chefmommy]

so sad:((((( Lawyer is a jerk - he doesn't even care - not answering my messages. I cried for an hour after I put the kids to bed last night.

[hillymum]

I am so sorry! Sounds like you are another mom who needs a different lawyer. I agree with both parents need to have full weekends, friday to sunday evening. One midweek evening or overnight every other week or every other week is normal.

[lilgreen]

I'm sorry things are not working out. I'm another mom who needs a new lawyer, I think. It's so hard to think about because you've invested so much into this one lawyer. Ugh. This sucks. I know how you feel and it sucks. 

But.... we will get through it and our kids are lucky to have us as their moms, regardless of the outcome. 

Hang in there. Let me know how you proceed from here.  xo

[Goodmom2008]

Come up with your own parenting plan, EOW and a Wedneday dinner is the standard, and submit it to the court.  And tell your attorney that he needs to fight that you get a full week-end with the kids.  Which means no Friday overnights when it's your week-end.  Your attorney needs to point out that your week-end shouldn't be split up like that so that you can have some fun time with the kids, too. 

And if the judge orders that crazy split, ask for reconsideration and list your reasons for it. 

[chefmommy]

Right now he has Monday night with my son for boyscouts, Wednesday dinners, Sunday all day. He asked for overnights and I offered every other weekend - he turned that down. He wants time every weekend. I let them stay last weekend Sunday night before Columbus day. He had to bring them home at 6:30am because he had to work.

When we went to court he said he wanted every other wekend and 1 week per month Monday to Monday, Judge had the attorneys in chambers on friday and this is supposedly what the judge is going to order if we do not come to an agreement. They gave my full physica custody in the pendente lite agreement. Now they are going to take away my weekend time? How is this fair?

What can I do if he orders this????