So . . . breastfeeding issues. I am at the point where we will soon have to decide what is worth continuing and what is worth stopping. My midwife and her assistant (a student midwife who is also a LC) have been hugely encouraging and endlessly helpful. They agree that my supply issues are glandular rather than hormonal. I'm on domperidone, more milk special blend, placenta pills, and lecithin. I *should* be pumping every 2 hours during the daytime, but that just doesn't happen. I am using a supplemental nursing system, but DD is taking as much formula from the SNS as if there were zero breastmilk getting into her system. She was over 10% below birthweight by day 3, which is incredibly early (DS1 and DS2 made it to 5 and 7 days before needing formula based on excessive weight loss). She is doing great, now- reached birth weight right around 2 weeks, has already had two growth spurts- she is clearly a strong girl!
I just don't understand. I have incredibly healthy pregnancies, a scary level of fertility- we make the most beautiful babies after only 10 minutes of thinking 'now's an okay time to try'. However, it it were totally left to my body, we would have to watch them all starve to death. I thought I was 'over it' after the last disappointing experience- that I had at least come to terms with the limits of my body. However, once again, I am to the point of tears any time I think about it. How do I make peace with myself and my body?
So, when do I give up pumping? When do we move from the SNS to bottles? How long do I keep pumping myself full of pills? I've done the bottle + formula thing for 2 full years. It was always such a joy to pack it all away the week of their first birthdays. I have prided myself on the fact that my boys never learned to hold the bottle for themselves because there was always someone who loved them to cuddle and feed them. There are so, so many things I am able to give to and do for my kids, yet I feel broken and incompetent.
It doesn't help that every formula on the US market has some glaring deficiency, but I don't yet have it in me to go the homemade route (yet). My midwife had hoped to get some breastmilk donated from the home birth community, but the timing didn't work out and none has been available.
I just don't understand. I have incredibly healthy pregnancies, a scary level of fertility- we make the most beautiful babies after only 10 minutes of thinking 'now's an okay time to try'. However, it it were totally left to my body, we would have to watch them all starve to death. I thought I was 'over it' after the last disappointing experience- that I had at least come to terms with the limits of my body. However, once again, I am to the point of tears any time I think about it. How do I make peace with myself and my body?
So, when do I give up pumping? When do we move from the SNS to bottles? How long do I keep pumping myself full of pills? I've done the bottle + formula thing for 2 full years. It was always such a joy to pack it all away the week of their first birthdays. I have prided myself on the fact that my boys never learned to hold the bottle for themselves because there was always someone who loved them to cuddle and feed them. There are so, so many things I am able to give to and do for my kids, yet I feel broken and incompetent.
It doesn't help that every formula on the US market has some glaring deficiency, but I don't yet have it in me to go the homemade route (yet). My midwife had hoped to get some breastmilk donated from the home birth community, but the timing didn't work out and none has been available.
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