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Mothering › Groups › March 2013 Due Date Club › Discussions › any single pregnant moms?

any single pregnant moms?

post #1 of 3
Thread Starter 

This is my second. Just found out he is a boy. I have a 2 3/4 yo girl. I am really happy, excited. 

My partner and I are close to a divorce. We have separated for a month now. He has multiple mental health/addiction issues and so on that he hasn't been willing to address. 

 

I have put an ultimatum, that by jan 1st he needs to show change or we need a more formal separation. he is not taking my daughter at all right now, because he won't agree to basic standards of behavior, i.e. picking her up bringing her back at an agreed upon time, not being on substances around her and so on. 

 

ah! so i am essentially single parenting it right now. just wondered if anyone else in my situation and how are you doing? what kinds of support are you bringing in now and planning for the birth and so on. 

post #2 of 3

I'm not in this situation but I have been through parts of it.  Stay strong and stick to your convictions.  DOCUMENT EVERYTHING so that if the formal separation occurs you can prove that he's unfit.  Do you have a job or are you a SAHM?  Do you have family or friends close?  What was your birth plan with your partner?

post #3 of 3
Thread Starter 

I have just started making a journal of all our interactions around childcare. I tried to share a written agreement with him yesterday around child visits. Just basic stuff like being on time, and checking in and not doing heavy work with loud equipment while taking care of our daughter. He wouldn't even look at it and instead took off. 

 

I am pretty shocked by it all; because I naively assumed he would still be a good co-parent even if we split up. 

 

We have sorted our finances out already; though we still own a house/property and 2 vehicles together. But I am in good shape financially. Although he has not actually begun paying any child support, although I am taking care of our dd 100% of the time and covering all her expenses. So I need to work on that. 

 

I am planning a home birth. I have known for a while that he may not be involved at all. I feel ambivalent. We had a hb before, but he was a big support for the preparation, labor and delivery, and post partum. I feel anxious not to have his support. But I also am trying to start visualizing how it could go. 

 

I am pretty isolated, sadly. I have only lived here 5 years, so don't have long term friends in the area. I do have a number of close friends, all with young children. So no one is too available. 

 

My family is all out of area. My parents are supportive, but will only be here 2 weeks max, after the birth. 

 

I feel daunted by it all. But trying to stay afloat and relaxed. I have a lot going for me. I am healthy. My dd is healthy and the unborn also seems in good shape. 

 

We have a home and money for all the necessities. So really I want to be grateful for everything we have and gracefully ask for help and hire help as I need. 

 

AH! But my heart aches too, with the sadness and grief of losing my primary relationship. And a father for my children. 

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