obsessing over random comments from strangers « Back to Group Discussions

[wendelberry]

Does anyone else do this??

I was feeling  HUGE this morning and having tons of BH's, still 9 hours away from home and hoping to even get home before the birth.

Then my MIL's neighbor, whom I have never met in my life, wanted to know when I was due and commented that I "don't look very big."  

So now I can't stop thinking about-- what if I'm actually due in Dec instead?  What if I have EIGHT or maybe TEN MORE WEEKS of this to go?  Hm, I'm not as uncomfortable as some of you ladies are reporting being...maybe I'm not as far along as I thought...  On the other hand, baby seems to have dropped already, so that would explain still being able to breathe, and I had bad BHs for the last hour of today's trip, to the point that I started thinking about throwing up and calling the midwife.  DH is going out of town for the week tomorrow so I need to calm down! 

Someone tell me I'm being unreasonable!!   Or at least share how you are doing the same thing.  Anyone??

[babychak]

For a while, I would get really annoyed/offended by strangers' comments, but I have started to take them less and less seriously. I had an experience last week in which one co-worker was telling me how "tiny" I looked and then an hour later another one was saying that I'd gotten "huge." At that moment, I realized that people have no idea what the heck they're talking about and that I shouldn't get too worked up over their comments. :)

Has anyone else had complete strangers congratulate you, though? This has happened twice in the past week - much nicer than "any day now???" comments, but kinda weird!

[Crystal West]

Originally Posted by babychak 


Has anyone else had complete strangers congratulate you, though? This has happened twice in the past week - much nicer than "any day now???" comments, but kinda weird!

I had the cutest congratulations this past week. I was dropping my daughter off at school and this random elementary student was grinning at me. When I walked past her, she told me congratulations I thought that was pretty cute.

I haven't had too many comments from strangers... Maybe I'm not approachable in that way? Lol. But in general, they don't know what they're talking about. People just want to be involved in the excitement of pregnancy. Take it with a grain of salt.

[katelove]

People keep telling me how big I am or asking me how long I have to go and then acting surprised when I don't say "any minute now". I was getting a bit paranoid about it as I have GDM and I'm already a bit worried about macrosomia. But I gave myself a stern talk along the lines of measuring exactly right for gestation the whole way along, second baby, doesn't feel big to me when I palp her etc. It's helped a bit

[Bmorefarmgirl]

My mom was visiting and must have said 10 time "you're SO BIG." And "that's going to be a "BIG BABY." Ugh. Not helpful, mom. In general, strangers have been nicer. Someone at a furniture store yesterday said I looked pretty good, so that was nice. People are clueless. They tell me all the time what a big boy my 25lb 2.5 year old is.

[OceansEve]

Oh, yesterday I got a "Woah!" from a stranger when I tried to squeeze past her buggy and the lady behind her.  If that doesn't make a pregnant lady feel great I don't know what would.....

Kate - I am also getting tired of the "Anytime now?" questions..... ($%!#$U)#U$^ SHUT IT PEOPLE

[tekcez]

On Friday, the pest control guy told me with wide eyes that I looked "ready to pop."  Disgusting imagery aside, um, shush, dude!  We're not buddies.  The typical comments I get are people saying something along the lines that DS is going to have a little brother or sister soon, then asking when I am due, and then more wide eyes about the fact that they will be close in age.  Mostly it's fun to talk about the pregnancy, though.  I have had some nice conversations with parents at playgrounds and people at the grocery store with my belly as an ice breaker.  I think it's nice that ds is having so many good interactions with pleasant, friendly people as a result.

babychak is right, though.  I've had comments that I look gigantic and comments that I look tiny.  There is a lot of skewed perspective out there.  I prefer to think that I look exactly as I should.  I am a bit concerned that I could be further along than my due date would suggest, but only because this baby wasn't planned, so I am not sure when exactly she was conceived.  That and I'm not feeling quite ready for her to be here yet!!  Need about another 4 weeks, which would put me right at my edd.  

[Thyme Mama]

We are all so shaped by our own experiences!

I just ignore strangers comments about my family, mainly because they are colored by that person's experiences. To some, my kids and belly are HUGE! To some, my kids and belly are soooo TINY!

It's simply their *perception*, and not a fact, you know?

It's sometimes hard to ignore comments that you may be sensitive about in the first place, but we just have to keep telling ourselves that this stranger knows *absolutely nothing* about our lives and histories. They are only seeing a snippet, a peek into our life, our day. Drawing a conclusion from a single interaction or glance is hardly going to be based on anything more than personal opinion, colored by personal experience.

[Krystal1220]

I know for sure that I am due around my EDD, but I don't look humongous and I feel really good, too, so I wouldn't let those reasons make you worry about your dates being so far off that you have months left to go!

The comments I keep getting are people guessing I'm having a boy, when it seemed pretty obvious at the ultrasound that I'm having a girl. I guess we'll find out for sure in a few weeks, but it has sort of made me wonder...

[JodiAriel]

Every time I leave the house I get stared out.  I get asked "twins?" constantly. I get told, "wow, you look like you're ready to pop", "any day now right?".  Yes granted I am having twins, and I am measuring 57 weeks but I don't understand how people have no filter.

[leafylady]

I'm not due till the end of November.  People have just this week started asking when I'm due and the baby's gender.  They're not making any size or popping comments yet.  

[guen]

I'm due end of November.  I feel huge and DH says this is the largest I've ever gotten, but everyone else comments how lucky I am to be so small, or what a "cute little tummy" I have, etc.  On Saturday, a woman I see from time to time around town came up to talk to me and after a few moments, did a double take.  Apparently, when she saw me from behind, she saw no indication what-so-ever that I was pregnant, so she didn't notice readily when we started talking (I think a third person referred to the baby, which made her then look at my belly).  As to the BH contractions, I've had them since about 20 weeks. With each pregnancy, they've started earlier, come more frequently and been more uncomfortable.  So, for me, tummy size and BH contractions aren't really a good indication of how far along I am! 
 

[abouttobe5]

LOL, we have a baby pool in our office and there are a ton of people who have commented "who's pregnant?".  Um, hello?  I've got 2 weeks to go, I know I"m not "that" small.  Although I have heard it a lot, "wow, you look so tiny", "I can't believe you're due!", blah blah blah.  I don't mind those comments, it's the ones that say "oh, are you healthy?"  "is the baby OK?" assuming that because I'm measuring behind, apparently it means either myself or my baby are not doing well.  

[Bmorefarmgirl]

Today my husband's grandmother commented as I left the roo., "has anyone said anything about two in there?" Aaaaaaaack! SO annoying.

Thn my mom said (again) how it was going to be such a big baby and MIL chimed in "probably 6 pounds!"

Omg. I just wandered away.

[abouttobe5]

Originally Posted by Bmorefarmgirl 

Today my husband's grandmother commented as I left the roo., "has anyone said anything about two in there?" Aaaaaaaack! SO annoying.
Thn my mom said (again) how it was going to be such a big baby and MIL chimed in "probably 6 pounds!"
Omg. I just wandered away.

Oh for goodness sake!  I can't believe what some people will say!  And six pounds is far from big - it's an average size baby.  Jeash.

[sere234]

Yesterday I was out shoe shopping (my mom and sister came along with DS and and I and we had so much fun!) and a woman said to me: "So you are having a boy?" I looked at her very surprised and said, "Yes, how can you tell?" She opened her sweater and showed me her little tummy and said she was halfway through cooking a little girl :) Awww. I congratulated her and she congratulated me and we smiled and continued awkwardly pulling on shoes with our bellies in the way. 

It was nice to have a preggo woman comment! Most people where I live seem to mind their own business when it comes to my pregnancy so I haven't gotten but a couple of inappropriate comments yet!

[Thyme Mama]

Originally Posted by Bmorefarmgirl 

Today my husband's grandmother commented as I left the roo., "has anyone said anything about two in there?" Aaaaaaaack! SO annoying.
Thn my mom said (again) how it was going to be such a big baby and MIL chimed in "probably 6 pounds!"
Omg. I just wandered away.

Good grief! 6 pounds is a TINY baby! My dd was 6 lb 6 oz and she was in preemie clothes for weeks.

In fact, I recently reviewed the section in one of my midwifery textbooks that discusses birth weight and health of the baby, as related to maternal nutrition. From Varney's:

"If a baby does not grow adequately, it is subject to many problems which a larger baby is less likely to have. Some of these include:

*perinatal mortality (stillbirth or infant death)

*small head circumference (indicating poor brain development)

*mental retardation

*cerebral palsy

*learning problems

*visual and hearing defects

*poor growth and development

Category 1: 5 lb 8 oz and less: Many problems as listed above

Category 2: 5 lb 8 oz to 6 lb 10 oz: 3X higher incidence of the same problems than #3

Category 3: 6 lb 10 oz to 7 lb 12 oz: Improved health over #2

Category 4: 7 lb 12 oz to 8 lb 14 oz: Higher intelligence and less disability"

Thia is not to say that having a small baby means certain problems, but I will say from personal experience that my largest baby (8 lb 6 oz) is my healthiest child in every way, with the least amount of "learning disabilities". My smallest baby, DD at 6 lb 6 oz, has Aspergers. She is also still very small: 40 pounds at nearly 7 years old.

Unfortunately, due to the cultural shift in birth, which is not limited to early induction and poor maternal nutrition from dieting during pregnancy, people believe that anything over 8 lb is a HUGE, HUMUNGOUS, WHOPPER of a baby.   Which is simply *not* true.

ETA: Frye's Midwifery also states that well nourished women will usually have babies that weigh 6 lb 8 oz or more, although factors such as genetics must be taken into account. Also, as little as 4 oz in birth weight can make a difference in the overall health of a newborn, as those who have had preemies can attest to, The same goes for full-term babies.

[faithsstuff]

I did have one nice (well not rude) comment last week.  I was in a packed elevator up to the specialists office and there was a mom, dad and two little kids in there with me.  The dad very politely leaned over and 'congrats on your baby girl, ma'am'.  I asked him how he knew, and he just smiled cryptically, it seems some folks have the 'touch' :)  

I've gained 13 pounds so far and baby is measuring in the normal range still, though I did start out out of weight and have a short abdomen, but ppls comments are obnoxious.  There was one guy who asked me out at a redbox kiosk.  He assured me he has ten kids of his own and knows he's the father of all of them.  Even when I'm not pregnant I rarely wear my wedding ring, but boy was I wishing I was that day.  The Comcast cable saleswoman at Best Buy asked dh why I was walking around past my due date and offered to find me a chair (I"m only 35 weeks).  Oh and here's a great comment from my midwife 'sometimes women of *thoughtful pause* size don't gain their weight until after the baby's born and then they don't loose any while breastfeeding'. I didn't know whether to laugh or curse her.  

[OceansEve]

Originally Posted by Bmorefarmgirl 

Today my husband's grandmother commented as I left the roo., "has anyone said anything about two in there?" Aaaaaaaack! SO annoying.
Thn my mom said (again) how it was going to be such a big baby and MIL chimed in "probably 6 pounds!"
Omg. I just wandered away.

wow, seriously? 6 lbs? My premie was 6 lbs 9 oz..... ridiculous. I find it sad when people tell me they have to have a section because the baby is just too big! I know a girl that had a homebirth with a babe over 10 lbs. When I tell them that they say their dr doesn't think their hips are big enough..... ARGH!!

That said I'll put money down this kid will be my biggest. #2 was 8 something.... 4 perhaps? I'll be shocked if this one is smaller. Even though I have gained no more weight than I did with #3 I have had multiple people (who have seen me carry my others) ask me if this is the biggest I've ever been. IT's not I actually gained most with DD1 (premie). Go figure. Size of mama does not necessarily equate to size of babe.

[Bmorefarmgirl]

Originally Posted by faithsstuff 

I did have one nice (well not rude) comment last week.  I was in a packed elevator up to the specialists office and there was a mom, dad and two little kids in there with me.  The dad very politely leaned over and 'congrats on your baby girl, ma'am'.  I asked him how he knew, and he just smiled cryptically, it seems some folks have the 'touch'  

I've gained 13 pounds so far and baby is measuring in the normal range still, though I did start out out of weight and have a short abdomen, but ppls comments are obnoxious.  There was one guy who asked me out at a redbox kiosk.  He assured me he has ten kids of his own and knows he's the father of all of them.  Even when I'm not pregnant I rarely wear my wedding ring, but boy was I wishing I was that day.  The Comcast cable saleswoman at Best Buy asked dh why I was walking around past my due date and offered to find me a chair (I"m only 35 weeks).  Oh and here's a great comment from my midwife 'sometimes women of *thoughtful pause* size don't gain their weight until after the baby's born and then they don't loose any while breastfeeding'. I didn't know whether to laugh or curse her.  

The size/weight comments are by far the worst when they come from a midwife! I feel like they should know better! Grandmothers are easier to dismiss. Mw comments leave me defensive for weeks.

I'm 30-35lb lighter now than when I delivered my son. He was a preemie too. 3lb10oz. Almost all of my weight came off in a week because it was all fluid retention from preeclampsia.

When my mw wanted me to have a growth scan at 36 weeks because I'm measuring two weeks ahead (by that oh-so-accurate test of getting out a tape measure and asking "us this your pubic bone?"), I read all the birth stories I could find. The best one was a 110lb woman who gave birth to a 10lb baby without even a tear.