Weekly Chat Oct. 14th-20th - Page 2
It would be great if I worked full time (then it would go from 5 shifts to 3 per week), but I currently only work 2 8 hour shifts a week, and would have to work 2 12 hour shifts instead if we go to 12s. A lot more money but a lot more time away from kids! and overnight, ick. I've been fortunate to never have had to work overnight regularly and I don't want to start!
If I did work full time, my hubby is very willing to step up and be the stay at home parent (we'd make about the same amount of $$ if I worked full time as we do now with him working full time and me working part time), including all cooking, cleaning, and shopping!! Its a very tempting offer, since I'm not very homemaker-y, but I don't want to be away from a brand new baby for that long. I've always had to work since having kids, but only part time. 8 hour shifts vs. 12s would make a big difference as far as milk supply and such with breastfeeding, too. I'd have to pump at least 3 times a shift, where, with 8 hour shifts, I can get away with only pumping once.
Hopefully the 12s will get vetoed for now. I wouldn't mind doing 12s in a few years, but not now with a new baby (and two other kids at home as well). Maybe when they are in school?
Anyone else work? What do you guys do for a living?
cabbit - I am glad to hear your tooth has gotten fixed and your dentist was good with you. But yikes! Be careful with your teeth!
Okay spughy, that's a way more disturbing dream than any I've had. Maybe I will have to come to terms with crying inconsolably in my dreams (it happened again last night)... I also, last night, dreamt about coming up with pages and pages of baby names! Maybe I have a little anxiety going on around that. And yay for being low-risk for genetic abnormalities!
Chapsie, good luck figuring the work situation out. I hope they decide not to switch things right now, for your sake!
I'm currently not working. I finished grad school in March, had a very busy spring, and then promptly got pregnant and slept for the next three months. :P I had applied to some jobs, but none ended up coming through. Fortunately, my husband's job is good enough that I don't really have to be working. I'm also just starting to get in some consulting work related to my degree, so while it's not that many hours so far, at least it's something! And I felt pretty good that I stood up for myself, and pointed out that I now had a Ph.D. and needed to be paid appropriate specialist fees, so I'll be well-compensated for my time. And that is a pretty big shift from graduate school.
C. Chip - congrats on your Ph.D!
Chapsie - making shift work work for your family takes a shift in thinking. It's no longer the quality time each day (because let's face it, after a 12 hr shift, there's no time for quality time), but what becomes important is the quality time on your days off (and those because more frequent.) I said before that I loved shift work, but I grew up with both my parents working shift work (my mom worked part time as a nurse and my dad worked full time for the RCMP.) To me, it's a very normal schedule and I have GREAT memories of all the camping we used to do, and having my dad home for 4 days in a row. I also have some memories of me attached to his leg crying that he had to go to work again, but I've heard that happens regardless of the schedule. That said, I couldn't imagine doing it with a new born.
I'm a design engineer for a semiconductor company. I work full-time and have been trying to convince hubby to be a stay at home parent. I am the primary wage earner in our home, so it does not make sense for me to quit. I telecommute now, but after 4 years of this, I think I need some human contact and actually look forward to going into the office once a week even if it is 2 hours away. When we first moved, we hired a nanny who was in the home while I worked, which was great. BUT, the nanny quit and it was nearly impossible to find a replacement with 2 weeks notice. The second nanny did not work out and we had to let her go. And at the time we were worried I was going to get laid off. Every conversation with the nanny #2 involved how broke she and her husband were and it really stressed me out when I thought I was heading towards a lay off. So, as soon as she had been there long enough to qualify for unemployment, we let her go and put our kids in a day care. At the time, day care was less than 1/2 of what the nanny was costing us, so we were able to save a little since we thought I was about to be out of work. I missed the noise in the house, but didn't miss the stress of feeling responsible for 2 families earnings.
It was HARD to go back to work full-time when the kids were day care age and I had just recently come to terms with it. Baby has thrown a wrench into that, so I'm nervous about where my emotions will be in July when I do go back to work after my maternity leave is up.
Edited by Melany - 10/17/12 at 4:22pm
I'm *just* a mom, which is fulfilling in and of itself, but I have to say a part of me admires moms who work as well as take care of the kids. It seems like an interesting balance that could work nicely if one has a supportive husband. I've been wanting to write a book for some time now, one of these days I'll get started on it It's one of those things that's always on the back burner, especially when I'm almost constantly being distracted by my 19 mo. It's alright, though, I'm not in a hurry.
I'm finally able to take a deep breath this week--my fiance's aunt was over for almost 3 days straight It was pure torture. She's one of those older women who won't.stop.talking.for.one.friggin.second. If I hadn't blocked out the incessant chatter, I probably would have gone stark raving mad!! By the second night, I had an almost uncontrollable urge to kick her. Nothing else, just kick her as hard as I could That was partly my frustration and partly hormones. She also smelled like stale garlic. I'm just glad it's over and we're all still in one piece.
Linnaea, hahahah. I know it's probably not nice to laugh but that was too funny! and even though you feel good abotu putting your book on the back burner, I just wanted to slip in the fact that many books are written 15 minutes at a time (especially for mother writers) in addition to those rare fortunate others who have loads of free time to crank out a novel in two months. Maybe it doesn't have to wait until your kids are much older...Just saying.
In addition to finishing up my "thesis", half of that thesis is actually a memoir-poem about my relationship with my mother and my development as a mother. I usually only get to write when my baby is napping, but sometimes I find a spare few moments to jot down a good idea for later. I am also working on a play about the anxiety of female monthly cycles, which is really fun! I have found that writing is not distracting me from mothering, but entirely fulfilling in a deep way because I get to reflect and express and realize new things. It keeps me feeling "sane" and plugged in. I have helped many other mothers realize this as well. But you know you best. I hope you do write the book.
AFM: I am loving my time off of study! I have met up with a different mother each day to hang out and the days have been smooth and filled with cleaning up my messy house. It feels nice to have some organization and tidiness in my environment and has improved my mood quite a bit. I am now planning for my mother to travel from California and stay at my house for two whole weeks. I will be a big challenge for my family because she makes me very very stressed out and on edge. But OTOH I am kind of looking forward to it since she hasn't seen the boys in over a year.
LOL at Linnea. My mom drives me up the wall, but for different reasons, whenever she visits. I love having her, but it's nice to send her home when we're done visiting. As for writing books, NaNoWriMo is two short weeks away... ;) I'm planning to give it a go again, this year. I failed miserably, the last time I tried. I'm hoping I can finish this year, at least!
Cabbitdancer - sorry about your tooth! OW! But yay for a great dentist fixing it and for an interesting learning experience.
Chapsie - That is such a bummer! I honestly don't think nurses working that long is a good idea. If you're tired you're mind isn't as sharp, kwim? There are actually several professions I don't think should work that long. I second Melany - are they going to a shorter work week with the longer shift? Definitely see about making some noise and try to get it stopped. That is just so not fun. Hugs!
Spughy - Yay for low risk! I'm happy to hear all your tests came back negative. What a relief, I'm sure!
Melany - that's too funny!! We're starting to get some bucking when it comes to outfit picking from DD. Luckily she's usually pretty good with the matching but it's, "No!! I don't want to wear that one! I want to wear this one!!" Lady help us when she becomes a teenager.
Chapsie - sorry, hadn't switched to the second page yet so I didn't see your replies. That is a bummer but how exciting that DH is willing to swap with you! Overnights are icky. My father worked them my entire life but I have to say, our relationship suffered for it. I hope you reach a solution that works for you soon!
ChocolateChip - yay for PHD and appropriate pay!! Lol! DP is working through finishing up his degrees so some day he'll get to say the same.
Linnaea - Hahahaha! Sorry for the unpleasant visit! Yay for us 'just' () moms! I do have lots of respect for WOHM or WAHM. It's just not for me!
Writermama - Getting out with other mommas is fabulous! I can definitely relate about having an organized environment improving mood! I really probably should get on that today... Anyway, I hope you enjoy your mother's visit even if she does drive you a bit crazy!
AFM - finances are dictating atm that I have to get a job by the 28th and I'm starting to freak out a bit since despite tons of applications and a few interviews I've had no luck. There's a job fair this afternoon I plan on going to - I just hope I feel less icky by then so I can sparkle a little better. Somehow runny nose does not scream, "Hire me!"
In worse news, DP's ex has officially broken their parenting plan they agreed to in mediation and is refusing us visitation with DSD. Unfortunately, the police won't do anything because they're still in the process of divorce so even though the agreement is good with the court it's not an enforcable order as yet. She's also making noise about keeping us from DSS. So, we won't get to see DSD until the trial in December and then it's only if the judge agrees it's in DSD's best interest to maintain a paternal relationship with DP and his family. DSS is only 8 but we had to sit down and explain the whole situation to him - we've worked so hard to protect him from all of ex's bad decisions and selfishness but our hands were tied this time. Additionally, that TWAT had the NERVE to tell DSS the reason DSD was no longer allowed over here was because DP smokes IN OUR BEDROOM ONLY and DSD can't handle that but DSS can. BULLSHIT. She smokes too and shares a room with DSD so all the smoke all over her stuff is in the room where DSD sleeps. Then her live in f*** buddy told DSS that DP told the buddy that DP was trying to keep him from ever seeing his mom again and was going to make him stay with us forever. We NEVER said that. Despite her negligent and downright abusive behavior, she's still their mother and we want her to have a relationship with the kids. Ex also told DSS that DP got mad about DSD and that he didn't want her which is also absolutely not true. I have never hated someone so much in my entire life. What she does to her children is just despicable. DSS said everything his mother has done makes him sad. It's horrible. 8 year olds should still think their parents can fix everything and are superheros. We're all crazy ripped up about it and poor DD is 3 and doesn't understand. So she keeps asking where DSD is because she wants to play. I'm sure next week on our visitation day she'll decide we can't see DSS either and then we won't have either.
Writermama--thank you for sharing about your current writing projects, they are inspiring and sound like they are very therapeutic and enjoyable. I hadn't even thought about the possibility of just writing a little here and there, I think I'll try that. I'm a little afraid I might get into a flow and then feel disturbed if I get interrupted but some writing is better than none at all. Thank you for the suggestion
I agree with Linnea. Granola, I am so sorry you're having to deal with all this insanity! It must be so stressful. Write down everything, even if your DP doesn't think it's necessary, he may be really glad you did down the road. You will find that these kind of manipulative and vile people always have karma come and get them in the end. I will be very surprised if her kids don't completely remove themselves from her once they get old enough to understand what she is doing. I had a close friend growing up that never spoke to her mother (until years later when they finally made amens), because she did these same kinds of rotten things. She was so angry about him not wanting her any more, that she would spew her venom all over my friend and her younger sister. Both girls ended up moving in with their father by the time she was 15. Where they stayed, and never had contact with their mother for over 6 years. It was sad, but she totally did it to herself.
AFM... Not much happening here. I have been stalking the September and October DDC looking at all the gorgeous babies being born! It actually is a lot of fun, and makes me even more excited to have my little girl here! I have all of a sudden had a drop in my libido. Not really sure where that came from because I normally am always up for sex! But this week I have just felt like "Meh..." and I feel so bad, although DP says its no big deal that I have been going to sleep before he makes it to our bed. I normally go to bed an hour or so before him, but I usually stay up and read until he comes to bed. Than we normally have some sexy time. We have a very sexual relationship, we always have been very close, and will spend an hour just snuggling with each other. But for some reason, I've just been tired and not in the mood.
It was so cute during the summer my boys (they spent way more time here this summer than any in the past, which I loved!) got very used to us spending quiet time together (never sex! At least not while they're awake.), we would always leave our bedroom door open but we would sit on our bed together and talk about our day, and a lot of times we would end up snuggling (with our clothes on! Jeez, you ladies are dirty minded!! ), basically just hugging each other. But the boys saw us acting very loving to each other a lot, and I think it's very good for boys to see how a man should treat a woman. Especially since their father doesn't have a clue how to treat a woman. He's on his fourth serious relationship since our separation 5 years ago. I really hope that my boys get a lot of influence from Jason, he is an incredible roll model for them. My end goal with my boys, is to raise awesome husbands and fathers, thats all I want, for them to treat their wives like queens and their children with love and respect.
It's official!! My baby shower is set for November 25th! And I am so excited!! My MIL and I have been writing emails everyday back and forth about the shower, it's been so much fun, and I love that her and I get along so well. She is so funny because she wants to go "all out" on everything, but hey what the heck! It is most likely my last baby (poor DP still mentions another...) so if she wants to have a blast with this shower, I say go for it!
Happy Friday everyone!!! Have a fabulous one!!!
Thank you ladies for all the support. We're hoping to get some resolution soon. Especially since now it seems to be causing me physical problems with the baby. Lots of deep breathing going on here! I fully expect that all on their own one day the kids will not want to be around her anymore which makes me so sad but it's what's best for them. Until such time as they make that decision, we'll support a relationship with their mother.
Babytoes - I understand 100%!!! DP and I are both very, um, fiesty () creatures and we've seen quite the drop since the pregnancy began. Which is driving me crazy because my libido that's already high is through the roof while pregnant! Unfortunately, DP's been really sick and had two motorcycle accidents and then all the drama with ex he's just not feeling it. It's causing us some problems because, well, I'm hormonal and pregnant!! We've been trying to work on it and I know it'll get better. It just sucks in the meantime!
I think your goals are very admirable. DP and I share a similar philosophy. We think it's incredibly important for all our children to see us be affectionate (within reason obviously) and have fun together. Especially for DSS and DSD because that was not what they witnessed with DP and his ex. DD has a Mamamor doll and I about cried one day (before pregnancy, lol!) that DSS wanted to play with it so much. He just kept birthing the baby and then setting it to nurse while he cuddled mama. I was SO PROUD. I hope that him seeing how his father and I treat each other and share duties with new baby will teach him a lot. He's such a sweet sensitive kiddo.
YAY FOR BABY SHOWER!!! A friend of mine has offered to host it after we find out gender but IDK if it'll actually happen kwim? I hope so. I didn't get a shower with DD and it has always made me sad. If your MIL wants to go all out let her!
Glad to hear I'm not the only one wondering what happened to their libido.. DP keeps on reminding me that I'm past the first trimester and well into the second, so I should be ready to go. Oh, ok, let's go then - LOL!! I'm eagerly waiting for it to come back, cuz right now it's the LAST thing on my mind and I know it's starting to wear thin on DP.
I'm right there with you on the libidos, not that mine was booming before pregnancy. DH got lucky today - he got off work really early, DS was napping and so I basically said it's probably now or never, because you know I'll be too tired later this evening. So... I have to say that my sciatica feels a lot better afterwards .
That being said, I'm beginning to wonder if I'm going to be able to enjoy any of this "honeymoon" trimester before I get into the final one. I've just been so tired throughout this entire pregnancy, which is exasperated by the fact that I'm not sleeping well at all. Some of it has to do with this sciatica that I'm battling. I have a small Boppy snuggle pillow from DS's pregnancy that basically just fits between my legs, but now I'm wondering if I might need one of those full length body pillows. I might break down and get one to try. We'll see.
Well, it looks like I'm off call for births for a bit. I'm going to take November off so I can go home and visit my family, and then I might try to take one or two more during December. After that it's 100% focused on my own birth. I'm really getting excited to meet this little girl, and am starting to want to prepare and get things ready. It could be a long 20 weeks if I keep this up!
Maydaymom - try rolling up a comforter or heavy blanket and trying that before investing in a full-body pillow. I use a rolled-up comforter and it works fine and I'm super-cheap so I don't want to spend money on something big and bulky I probably won't use after the baby arrives - but that's me :)