How did you know?

[Laura87]

I understand if you are in an abusive relationship why you must leave but what if you are just unhappy?

I have been married five years and have had my foot out the door for five years. First few were try emotionally abuse. But the we had a baby, he got therapy and it got better.

And yet...... every year I almost leave. We only knew each other a few months when we got married and then I have been financially dependent this whole time. We are not a great match. Very different up bringings and views on many things.

 He is a good man but I am not happy. I am scared of being on my own with two kids but scared of living my life less then fully

So when did you know it was time to go??????

[lilgreen]

Well, as someone who stayed for 15 years yet I knew after 2 I should leave, you're not likely to change how you feel. Did you ever love him? Really? Not just lust and all that. Do you love him now? And loving him because he's the father of your children doesn't count. Are you compatible? Do you share the same principles in life? Do you have similar goals? If he was emotionally abusive, might he still be? Do you feel truly respected?

When I began the process of really ending my marriage (I had wavered for years), I found it really helpful to read. I downloaded a ton of kindle books onto my iphone about how to know it's time to go, about divorce, about separation, etc. Off the top of my head, I remember someone here recommended the book Good People, Bad Marriage... or something like that. It was good. Just do not read 'Divorce for Dummies'!!! It was horrible. 

There are books about how to feel happy in your marriage when you have a foot out the door already. Reading was so helpful for me.

Good luck. I hope you find the peace and happiness you're looking for.

[Findingstrength]

I listened to the David chatman book 'the five love languages.'. It was the beginning of the end. I realized he would never be Able to talk my language.

Also I realize now i never really fell in love. I met him when I had just broken up with someone I really cared about. I didn't want to date anyone and I only dated him to get guys to stop hitting on me. He seemed like the safest choice. Turned out I was wrong. Part of me said it's not fair to him either to be with a woman that just doesn't love him.