I had same situation 5yrs ago. I'd pull over and want to cry a block away from my house because I SOOO didn't want to go home because of husband, but felt like terrible mom because I was avoiding my kids in the same boat.
Getting divorced was the best thing I ever did....which is sad to say. Divorce isn't easy and it stinks and there are some definate arguments for working things out.
It boiled down to Ex was grumpy and depressed, he showered once every 2 weeks, wasn't wearing deo because it "made him itchy" and his coworkers were leaving sticks of it on his desk, had gained over 100lbs (350ish), and was terse with the kids, and blamed EVERYONE but himself for his unhappiness.
It was my fault his dad was mad at him because I made more money. It was my fault he worked at a job he supposedly hated (yet he's now been there 10 years and has continued working there the last 5 years since we seperated) it was someone elses fault he couldn't be bothered to take out trash....etc.
I spent ALL my time taking care of HIM. picking up piles of his trash he'd leave everywhere, making drs appts and keeping his meds refilled because then he'd stop taking them and treat me like crap and say it was my fault he was grumpy because his meds ran out, filling up his car and doing mech work on it...etc. I realized I hated being at home, all my kids saw of me was rushing around to do laundry/dishes/whatever, and I was far from happy.
not to mention (altho due to the hygine and weigh issues, I really didn't want to) it's AMAZING I had two kids. he'd always interrupt me and say he was too tired/itchy/sleepy/whatever....
I got turned down every single night for a month or more before he'd relent and say "ok, but make it quick"....and when I stopped asking....he didn't think going 18m without was a big deal.
I went to therapist a few times and she had us bring up issues. I said the above. He said everything used to be fine and why couldn't doc just "give her drugs....she used to be happy. it must be post partum" (baby was a year old btw)
There was some major drama following seperation and divorce (taking off with kids, draining bank acct, dragging me back and forth to court...etc) and it ended up costing ME 30K, not to mention he had to have rung up a much larger legal bill dragging me back and forth to court.
Since that time i've more than doubled my salary, traveled all over, pay for the house (he couldn't afford it), bought 2 brand new cars now....2010 and traded in on 2012 (lower payments, same car...made sense!) have put away a TON of money into savings, investment, and 401k. I've improved things around the house for me and the kids dramatically as well. New appliances, furniture, etc.
Ex moved back in with his parents and (now) 28yr old sister who has never left home. Still works at same deadend job making 1/6th of what I do. Still driving his POS car that now looks like someone took a sander to it's so faded and is no longer green but green and grey. If we lived up north it would have giant rust holes in it by now for sure!
....and he STILL blames me. He tells the kids that i stole his house (he couldn't afford it! I don't want it!) and take all of his money and tells people that he can't move out of his parents house because of ME....and he can't quit his deadend job because of ME.....*eyeroll*
I guess I kinda hit rock bottom there, but i've NEVER been this happy nor financially stable in my entire life, incl my childhood.
I take care of errands, home improvement stuff, cleaning...whatever when kids are at my ex's.....and I love on them to pieces when I have them.
And I finally woke up and realized that not only am I a sexy beast (LOL) but I am very smart and hard working and I CERTAINLY don't have to put up with sloths like him!
I think thats the point you have to be at however, to make divorce worthwhile. it isn't easy on anyone....and its expensive, and I cried a lot of nights. I miss my kids terribly when they are gone, and resent and am suspect of my ex a lot....like when he suddenly after 3 years decides to attend parent teacher confs....or how the kids already have 5 tardies because of him....
Getting out of there was a bargin at any price tho, for sure. And I rather feel some sort of karmic pat on the back saying "damn....you have had a crap life and you finally made the right decision....GIFTS and WEALTH! rained upon you!!"