family beds « Back to Group Discussions

[writermama12]

Hi everyone,

I am looking for some examples of successful family bed sharing with two children. DS2 is going to 18 mo soon and sleeps right between DH and me. He is mostly night-weaned but still nurses to sleep for a minute or two and nurses in the middle of the night if he is fussy for some reason, but that is rare. We have a queen sized tempurpedic and I am not willing to give this bed up for a king. No way!

The issue now is I am on the left side of the bed and want to lay on my left side at night but he is there, so I end up always sleeping on my back or my right side, facing out. When DS3 arrives, I would like him to sleep in the middle and DS2 to move to the outside somehow. I was thinking of bringing in his crib mattress he never used and put it next to our bed on my side sooner so that I can sleep comfortably now. 

Does that work? Has anyone else figured out what you're doing about this? Any experiences with it and advice?

I am nervous that the change might not go well and I want to be prepared before jumping in. 

[Sara79]

I think bringing in the other mattress now is a great idea to get used to the transitioning. We did not cosleep with 2, our son moved to his room at 13 months and our daughter was born when he was 2. Now we would have some family nights when we'd all sleep together (we still do :) they are 8 & 6) but that was not every night, dd slept with us until after 2 I think..its all a blur. We do have a king mattress though after co-sleeping with our first when we got pregnant with our second we knew we wanted a king size bed.

I have heard though of many people bringing in another mattress into the room.

[cabbitdancer]

My daughter, at five, now sleeps in her own room most nights (It took us at least four years to get to this point!) but for those nights that she wants to come sleep with us, I'm thinking we need to get a small mattress or cot or something for beside our bed, because we have trouble fitting all three of us NOW, let alone when a new baby comes. :P

[nearlyelated]

Most nights DS sleeps in his own bed, but there are still occasions when he comes into our room.  I've had to flip over too, to avoid little kicks in the belly.  He slept in our bed most nights until he was 2, when we stopped nursing he gradually stopped waking up in the night.  

I think when baby comes we'll just have to rearrange, DS will be on the outside of DP, and beb will be in the middle, might be tight, but babies don't take up too much room.

[jodieanneanton]

This is what worked for us:

We also have a queen mattress and won't get a king.  When DD1 was born, co-sleeping was easy.  She slept b/w DH and I. No biggie.  :)  When DD2 came along, DD1 was clearly no where near ready to sleep in her own bed (has always had sleep issues...).  We had tried and tried to get her in her own toddler bed, but she just wasn't having it.  So, we decided to bring her crib (with siderail removed) to our room.  We placed it right up to our bed (which is a platform bed, so pretty low) and arranged it so the crib and bed lined up evenly.  Then, we got some foam padding and placed it on the far side of the crib mattress so the bed and crib mattress were snug together.  We put a blanket over the crack b/w the two mattresses and voila!  bed extended and a place for DD1 to sleep next to me with DD2 in the middle.  We did night wean DD1 during the pregnancy, but she nursed CONSTANTLY through the night like I was her 24 hour snack bar.  lol. And that just wasn't going to work with another baby in the picture.  It really worked out well, if I do say so myself and things were/still are quite managable. :)  

Once we finally move (in 4-5 wks), DD1 &DD2 will move into their own room.  The top bunk is enough to lure DD1 away from the family bed and  DD2 likes to be with DD1, so DH and I may have a few months/weeks alone in bed before new baby comes.  We are wondering how we will be able to sleep! :D

[GranolaMama09]

We plan on side carring a crib.  Perhaps you could do that for baby and keep #1 between you?  My DD was finally tempted to sleep in her own room (though she's been in her own bed in my room for awhile) when it meant she got to sleep with DSD and DSS.

[writermama12]

We meant to use a co-sleeper thing with DS2 after he was a few months old but found it was really inconvenient. If I nursed him at night, we'd fall asleep right there so why move him back and forth, YKWIM? Then, at three months old, during a nap one day he wiggled to the edge and then off the bed and fell a few feet down to a wood floor. The thump and screaming was traumatic for me as I was sleeping. He was unhurt but we put the mattress on the floor that night, which is where we still are. 

I am going to try setting up a crib mattress next to our bed this weekend so we'll see how that goes. I'm crossing my fingers. 

[GranolaMama09]

Good luck mama!  I hope it works for you!  Perhaps make a big deal about it being DS's special bed?

[spughy]

Well, my DD is nearly 7 and sleeps on her own for the most part, but when she's sick or feeling really out of sorts she likes to sleep with Daddy.  At the moment that happens by me switching places with her but once the baby comes that won't be possible (me AND a baby in a twin bed? I think not.)  So as it turns out we just got a new bed frame for her that doesn't need a box spring, so we'll get a new mattress, put the old frame & box spring beside our bed and use rubber mats to keep the queen from shifting.  (We had this arrangement before we moved and just after, when DD was still in our room with us and it worked pretty well).  Our bedroom is small by modern standards but there is still room for a queen and a twin as long as the twin is sandwiched between the wall and the queen.  *I* will sleep on the twin and DH and kid #2 (and occasionally kid #1) can sleep on the queen.  I love the idea of cosleeping but I am, despite years of practice, really crappy at it - I don't sleep well if someone else is touching me.  So this is the arrangement that works for me.  I'm there for food, DH is there for snuggles.

[Linnaea]

My 19 mo sleeps next to me--she enjoys the comfort, likes to nurse to sleep so I haven't had the heart to transition her to her own bed just yet.  I have been wondering what I'm going to do, though, once this baby is born.  We'll probably get an extra mattress that will be right up against ours, that way she can sleep there but still scoot closer to me if she needs me but there will also be more space for the new baby.  I don't know, it's still something I'm mulling over 

[writermama12]

Great ideas and info Ladies, thanks. We put DS2's mattress right next to my side of the bed last night and he LOVED to walk all over it, rub his face into it, and jump off of it but when he got sleepy he climbed over me and into his spot between DH and me. I didn't have the heart to move him over after he had snuggled in and asked to nurse. Hmmm. This is going to take some strategy and practice.

[JuliaGoodie]

We have a queen bed so things were just starting to get cramped with my growing belly, SO(who likes to sleep in the middle of the bed most nights:./) and our now 31mo...So we moved the never used, full size bed from her room and put it next to our bed. We all sleep so much better now and she just climbs into our bed in the morning to nurse and cuddle.

[BeantownBaby9]

DS only comes in after 2am or so, but I've started sleeping on my right side even though I am a lefty sleeper so that ds is ok sleeping back to back or snuggling with daddy.  We have a king, but we also have a 90lb choc lab at my feet in the mix and my DH is big.  We are going to sidecar a cosleeper or maybe a crib so we can all be together.

[withlittlelungs]

DS doesn't sleep with us anymore  (not for lack of trying on my part!) but when the babies get here we are going to side-car a crib. I don't think I would be able to sleep with a baby on each side, because I would be too paranoid about crushing one. 
Maybe that would help either with your toddler or the new baby? It would extend your bed so you don't have to get a new mattress. 
 

[writermama12]

So, I have been nursing DS2 to sleep on the outside of the bed instead of the middle for the last few days and last night he rolled onto his mattress and slept there until 5am when he came to me to nurse. Success! 

[jodieanneanton]

writermama12- Yeay for success!

[GranolaMama09]

Yay yay yay!!!

[cabbitdancer]

My daughter is finally starting to understand some of the downside of a new baby. I've essentially restricted her from our bed for the majority of the night, because I can't sleep with her all over me (she's a very snuggly child and also a wiggle worm). We've had fights over her sleeping on the floor of our room, her bed... nowhere is good enough, those nights, except our bed. I'm so tired that I get frustrated with her, but my husband has been very good about getting her settled down and in one of the two approved places. I hate it, because I miss my snuggle time with my kiddo, but I'm so tired all the time that any lost sleep is bad.