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Constant worries, nothing adds up!

post #1 of 3
Thread Starter 

Hi everyone...My name is Raven and I've never taken part in a forum before. I don't know all of the abbreviations (TTC etc) so please treat me like I'm "not too smart" when replying, haha! If I give out too much information then I apologize ahead of time! I am 36 and have 1 son, who is almost 18. I've been trying to have anther baby since he was 2. Finally after countless miscarriages and an ectopic, I'm pregnant again. I am scared and worried and have been scouring the internet for help when I finally decided to try a forum.

This pregnancy has been really different from the start. I had nipple pain in August and was worried because I had piercings there but I also knew they weren't infected. My last cycle was August 9th. I took a pregnancy test Aug 31 and it was negative, so the next day I got drunk (it was my fiance's birthday). The thing is, I got really sick and nearly vomited. I felt like I had finished an entire bottle of straight vodka but I had only finished the neck part! I was very ill afterwards. I still felt like something wasn't right, so on Sept. 13 I asked for another test. This time, as soon as I dipped the stick, two lines came blaring out at me. I was so so so happy! I couldn't believe it! But then worry set in. Judging by my dates I should have been about 5 weeks along. My gp was very worried about me because I'm such high risk, plus I am 36, plus I am diabetic and on insulin. He sent me in for an emergency scan. The lady was extremely rude. She lifted my dress and didn't let me cover my nakedness. She said she saw no evidence of a pregnancy- just a thickened lining. I left the clinic ashamed and heartbroken, especially when she asked me how many tests have I taken and if they were all urine (I had only done the one). She made me feel like a fool for "assuming" with a positive pregnancy test that I was actually pregnant!

I went back in after finding some brownish blood a few weeks later (maybe even a few days to a week later). I got another scan done and she saw the sac and at the very end, possibly the yolk, but still no baby. I was upset because again, by my calculations I should have been about 7 weeks at that time. Then I was told I probably ovulated late, because I tend to have very irregular cycles, and wasn't as far along as I thought. Based on what was seen and my dates I refigured my times, so now I should be about 8 weeks (Oct 14). I surely can't be any less than that. I was concerned because my HCG didn't seem to be rising as fast as I heard they should-

Sunday the 16th of Sep they were 371

Monday the 17th they were 642

Monday the 24th they were 2,463

and Thursday the 27th they were 3,235

I haven't been in to see anyone since. They want me to wait because if there's trouble no one can help me. That doesn't help me with my worries though! One of the reasons I wanted to join was also to ask- based on my long book here- I found out I was pregnant at roughly 2 weeks along. I have had extreme symptoms (with my son, it was as if I wasn't even pregnant. I had no morning sickness, swollen anything...I didn't even show until I was nearly 6 months, and when my water broke and I went into labor he popped out an hour later). My boobs were killing me and have grown and darkened, my abdomen hurts, my lower back aches a little. I've felt nauseous (rare for me as I suffer from Emetophobia and almost NEVER puke) etc etc...but for the last 3, maybe 4 days I don't feel pregnant anymore. I mean I'm suddenly starving, yet when I eat I suddenly feel full, or like something is inside my stomach pushing it outward from the inside. I don't feel nauseous though. My breasts aren't as tender. I'm not as swollen. I do have to go to the toilet a lot more suddenly, over the last day- but these are things I've already gone through earlier. When I check the pregnancy symptom checkers online, I had already gone through all of the 8 week symptoms back when I was 4 weeks, and none of my symptoms now match up to me being 8 weeks, so I'm freaking out and terrified.

I'm thinking what if I go in for a scan and there's no heartbeat? Would I know by now? I have had discharge but no bleeding, though my cervix keeps moving low and feels slightly open. I'm panicking every day and snapping at everyone. I'm waiting desperately for the magical 12 weeks to pass, and it's a living hell to think if someone is going to happen it will be within the next 4 weeks. I sometimes tell myself, after 15 years of trying, why now? What makes me think this one will last or survive? What makes this one suddenly different? Out of all the miscarriages and the ectopic, I never had symptoms, and I never even knew I was pregnant until it was coming out. At most, because I missed a period, I found out but then miscarried within the next 2 days. I've struggled on 6 weeks since I found out. I stopped smoking cold turkey, stopped doing anything bad at all and have just been hoping against hope... And with my past history, the doctors were never able to find a reason why I kept losing them. I was actually about to start taking more tests when I found out I was pregnant

 

I'm SO sorry for the overly long post, I just wanted to give you a bit of background

post #2 of 3

Hi Raven. I just wanted to send a hug out to you. hug2.gif It sucks that you were mistreated when you got your scan. The medical industry can be wrong sometimes. And waiting is really hard, too.

 

Keep us posted!

post #3 of 3

Hi Raven,

Just wanted to say welcome and I hope all turns out well with your pregnancy.  Have you seen a reproductive endocrinologist in the past?  They are much more knowledgeable about the early weeks of pregnancy and may be able to pinpoint the reason you have miscarried in the past. They tend to do a lot more monitoring in the beginning as well which could help put your mind at ease.  I'm not sure if they would see a newly pregnant mom who has a history of miscarriage, but it may be worth a shot.  Did your ob check your progesterone levels?

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