Weekly Chat for October 15th - 21st « Back to Group Discussions

[MotoMom]

Hank is down for his (consistent, HOORAY!!)  late morning 2 hour nap and I figured I would start up this week's chat!

Couple of things from last week:

Anya - sorry for your rough patch! This is a tough job for two parents and you're doing it on your own! You're one tough mama! It sounds like you're doing a great job and sometimes babies just cry. It takes some serious trial and error to figure out what works for you two and even then, you never know. When Hank is fussy, I do a lot of the "mommy dance" where I just hold him to my chest and bounce around and sway or walk up and down the hallway. We've kind of slowly figured out the exact routine that works for this and I also use it when it's time to put him to bed or down for a nap.

Weight - I'm definitely "squishy" too!! That is the best way to describe it. I'm down 35 lbs from birth but have hung onto this extra 15 for the last two weeks. I think if I I can come down another five, I'll be okay with having a little extra fat stores on me while BFing. DH and I just started an exercise routine and I'm excited to get in good shape again! 

Development - I just googled games to play with newbons. I've never been around babies or kids much and so I have NO clue how to be silly and interact and sing funny songs, so I had to google it. We also do "tummy time" in the Boppy pillow so he's not just like laying there on his face. He really likes it when I put something interesting in front of it that he can stare at. He'll kind of slip down into the center and I'll put my hands behind his feet so he can push himself back up and I'll put things into his hands for him to grip. I also do "tummy time" on the recliner with him laying on my chest but then he gets distracted by the close proximity of the breastaurant and starts bouncing his face off of me instead of looking up. So then I try offering a boob but he's not actually hungry! Silly guy. :D

I also give him some time to himself on his back first thing in the morning after he eats because he seems to really like to kick his legs and coo and gurgle to himself. Then I kick back on the recliner with him leaned against my lap facing me and we do some face to face stuff where I just talk away and make silly faces and sing songs. If I'm doing stuff around the house where I can't have him in the wrap, I stick him in his little hammock where he can see me and I'll just chat with him about whatever it is that I'm doing. I got this cool mobile that has little clips on it where you can put different things on it and sometimes I'll put him under that to look at. Right now I just have a couple of little mirrors and some feather butterflies. But really, his favorite thing is just being outside and looking around so we do lots of walking and hanging out in my "garden".

I even read him books. I know that's probably dumb at this point, but he really seems to like it! He looks at the pages and likes to listen to my voice. 

One thing about crying it out - Hank really isn't a fan of his car seat and I feel sort of trapped because of it. I strap him in and he gets so mad at me until I bring it outside. Then he'll be okay for a little while in the truck, but when he starts fussing and crying, I get so stressed out about getting to where I'm trying to go! I reach my hand back and hold his hand or sometimes give him a pinky to suck on, but that's probably not the safest practice. Ugh. What do I do? It makes me crazy! How much crying is too much? Do I need to just be okay with a little bit of crying in the car or does he feel like I'm abandoning him? Stupid cars. It's so unnatural to not just walk everywhere with baby in your arms and be able to immediately meet his needs.

[help007]

Originally Posted by MotoMom 

Development - I just googled games to play with newbons. I've never been around babies or kids much and so I have NO clue how to be silly and interact and sing funny songs, so I had to google it. 

Ha! I bought a book the first time around. It is by Gymboree, called Baby Play or something like that. It gives play ideas for each 3 month increment for the first year. It is also really handy for showing kids what to expect a newborn/infant to be able to do/not do.

[katt]

Moto- sounds like you gets lots of qyality time going on.  :)  babywearing counts as 'tummy time'  we never do an official tummy time.  i'd do chest to chest too.  it's how he learned to roll over.  lol  :)

there is such a wide range of normal for development that i don't even bother looking things up.  the only time i would worry is if there is no change or new milestones hit for a long time.  then i would start asking questions.  but, until then i just go with the flow.

[MIrandaM]

Motomom, we also have troubles in the carseat - I never take it out of the car so he starts purple crying before we've pulled out of the garage. I also feel anxious every time because the straps never seem to stay on his shoulders and the newborn insert pushes his belly forward, it just awkward. It's best if DH is with us, he drives and I sit in the back with my pinky in boy's mouth. My solution has been to avoid the car at all costs, I walk everywhere now. Maybe that'll help with these last 12 lbs!!

CIO - I feel bad because even though we never ever leave him crying unattended, our little guy often goes from happy to seriously purple, gasping, raging mad screams in like a second! There's no 'warm up' cries or noises that I could catch early. The MF noticed it too when he was just a couple days old and said he had a temper she meant it in a nice way, but it is stressful to me that even though I respond the second I feel him wriggling at night for milk, and literally can't sit up and open my bra fast enough to prevent him really losing it! I hate that he gets the rush of stress hormones just for that, but I really can't move any faster! Even if we're just lying on the bed baby talking and looking at the shadows on the wall, when the baby is over it he just suddenly goes postal before I even have a chance to pick him up.

Re weight - I'm surprised that at just 10-12 lbs over my jeans are so far from fitting anyone lose all the weight but never get back into their clothes? Considering buying new jeans because it's getting freezing cold here now and yoga pants aren't cutting it. But I know that jeans that fit my waist will be too baggy in the legs. My butt is actually smaller now, I'm certain.

Anyone else have lingering bladder problems? I pee a tiny bit when i run, jump, sneeze, etc I'm still having constipation probs too - what's up with my elimination system!!?

Hank's sleeping for two hours reliably! That's great Moto! We had our own victory today, James hung out in the swing for at least ten minutes and I was able to get a quick bath. I had to sing Baby Beluga while he watched from beside the tub, but still! I have clean hair and shaved legs! Watch out DH! Lol.

We're also having longer periods of quiet awake time, it's so great to see him taking it in. I love this boy almost toooo much!

[nukuspot]

Moto, how can you put him down to get him to nap away from you?  Mora will nap for 2-3 hours but only if she is on a person like on a chest or in a carrier.  I can get her to fall asleep in a swing or put her down when she is asleep, but the naps are only like 10 minutes then.  Catnaps.  DD1 was the same.  Worse, even!  I never could understand the phrase "put her down" to nap, since it's so not my reality, sadly enough.

[help007]

Nukuspot- In my experience, being able to put a baby down to nap/sleep has as much to do with the baby's personality as with how the parents try to put the baby down. My middle child would not sleep on his own for anything. We worked through "The No Cry Sleep Solution" for months and months before we got to a 'reasonable' point, and over a year to reach a good place. My first baby and now my newest baby were much more willing to be put down to sleep.

[MotoMom]

Originally Posted by nukuspot 

Moto, how can you put him down to get him to nap away from you?  Mora will nap for 2-3 hours but only if she is on a person like on a chest or in a carrier.  I can get her to fall asleep in a swing or put her down when she is asleep, but the naps are only like 10 minutes then.  Catnaps.  DD1 was the same.  Worse, even!  I never could understand the phrase "put her down" to nap, since it's so not my reality, sadly enough.

I think it's the swaddling that's the key. He'll wake up a few times during his naps and wriggle a little and grunt, but usually he falls back asleep without my help. If his little grunts get insistent, I run up and hold him against my chest and rock and bounce until he starts to doze off again. Sometimes it takes a few times and sometimes he'll start rooting when I pick him up so I just nurse some more while he's swaddled until he pops off and then stand up and bounce with him against my chest in case there's a burp that needs to come up. I read that if you can put them down while they're still not quite asleep yet, they get better at falling back asleep by themselves when they wake up so I try to time it to when his eyes are still slightly open but he's half asleep. Oh, I also have a white noise machine that makes a loud wooshing sound like a waterfall and I think that really helps, too. So when he starts acting tired, we go upstairs and I turn that on while I swaddle, nurse and rock and then keep it on for his nap. I have a really nice monitor too, so I can catch him fussing before he starts crying. We've just been doing this for the last 5 days or something like that and it seems to work really well to have a routine! I think it even helps him sleep better at night, too.

[nukuspot]

We swaddle at night but not for naps. DD1 was unresponsive to NCSS, eventually she "learned" to sleep but it took 2.5 years. Hoping DD2 will be easier. Difficulty this time is that she won't nurse to sleep due to my oversupply, so someone is always rocking her or carrying her after nursing, she falls asleep then but will always wake once contact is broken (like putting her down.). Maybe it is temperament, perhaps it is nurture vs nature, we know she sleeps when we hold her so we keep repeating the same patterns...

[nukuspot]

And car is always a crapshoot! Sometimes she sleeps, sometimes "quiet alert" looking at trees out window, other times purple faced crying. I hate car rides in the newborn months because it feels so much like CIO. But there is really no other option, we live rurally and must drive if we want to go to town.

[MamanFrancaise]

I'm not sure I could handle a baby that wouldn't nap off of me! But then again, this part only lasts for like a minute in the grand scheme of things. Dexter has several 2-3 hours naps per day in his little cradle and I appreciate that time so much. But every moment he is up, he's in my arms. Or at least I want him to be. He often gets fussy and just wants me to leave him alone. So I put him in his little bouncy chair for 10-15 minutes and he's super content to just stare at lights/shadows/etc. I am so thankful this kid is as mellow as his father. 

Dexter is head over heels in love with his biggest sister. He is all smiles the moment he sees or hears her. It is so amazing. She must have some awesome energy. She also bounced him to sleep gently on the yoga ball on Friday. He just drifted right off. 

ETA - just want to clarify that I certainly don't think any of you with a carseat-hating baby are CIOers. Oh my goodness that must be so stressful! Dexter cried once while we were in the car because I decided to just leave without nursing him first (big mistake!). And my anxiety level shot through the roof! It really is personality. Some babies are just more patient, some are more high-maintenance!

[MadiMamacita]

Originally Posted by MIrandaM 

I'm still having constipation probs too - what's up with my elimination system!!?

my MW just told me today that breastfeeding can sometimes cause/continue constipation because of a release of certain hormones during a feeding.

I too have CIO guilt during car rides! luckily this one is a little better about the car than my first. he would cry and cry and cry. Literally screamed through an entire 2.5 hour car ride once when he was about 5 months! Thats how I knew that I didn't have one of those babies that would cry for a few minutes and then fall asleep. We tried stopping and nursing and diapers etc but it would actually get worse when we tried to put him back in his carseat so I figured we would just have to drive straight through. it was torture. I can't remember when exactly it stopped. Sometime before a year.

I was assured that it would stop once he was able to forward face in his car seat but he stopped before then. Good thing, because he only started forward facing this summer at 3 1/2!

I heard some babies prefer to be more upright, like in a rear facing convertable car seat rather than an infant seat. Not sure if that would have made a difference for my car screamer. I think he just didn't like being alone back there strapped into something.

[WindyCityMom]

Car Seat-  I'm the opposite... Nova loves being in her car seat.  Of course, we only use it for its intended purpose (safety in the car!) but it is so tempting to just stick her in there when she's fussy.  

Tummy time- Nova could hold her head up for a good while at birth- it freaked out one of the nurses, lol.  She is starting to push up on her arms a little now.  We don't do "tummy time" but since we have no baby "contraptions" or containers we wear her or hold her always.

Development, play, learning, etc.- Idk.  I feel it's kind of pointless to play games and encourage learning at this age.  For us, the first 2 or 3 months after birth are just helping baby gently transition from womb to earth- it's quite a huge transition!  Everything that they're "supposed" to learn at this age comes naturally- turning towards voices they hear, following things with their eyes, lifting their heads when chest-to-chest with their parents, etc.

Napping- Nova will only sleep/nap by herself if she is adequately warm.  Like, it has to mimic the warmth she'd receive being worn or skin to skin with me.  We've already turned the heater on (my poor checking account!!).  Nova sleeps with a footed sleeper, fleece sleepsack, and baby blanket folded in half tucked under her armpits.  Any variation in that, and she won't sleep.  I've always been worried about overheating her, but she seems fine, no heat rash or anything. 

Going back to work, pumping, ahh!- I go back to work 2 weeks from tomorrow.  I've been pumping once in the morning to get used to the pump.  I'm using a manual medela pump and thanks to my forceful letdown and oversupply issues I can get a 4-5oz bottle in around 7 minutes.  Not so bad!  I'm kind of wondering how the actual pumping *at work* will go.  Until January I'll be working 4 hour shifts, probably 3 days/wk.  It's the slow season at my workplace and that works out in my favor.  I'll probably pump before and after work.  I'm just hoping I can keep up with Nova's demand!

Exercise- I'm starting my fitness program tomorrow!  I'm down to pre-pregnancy weight, but I'm very un-toned and very out of shape.  Something I'd like to change!  I'm 4 weeks postpartum tomorrow and feel that I'd have been able to start exercising two weeks ago- but I've given myself a little time to heal.  I had no tears or anything and my abdominal muscles are closed.  Bleeding has stopped.  Hemoglobin is doing good!  I'm more than ready to start working out!

[Ava's Mama]

Hi Ladies -

I haven't posted in a while, but I miss you!

Here is my update.  DS will be 5 weeks on Thursday and he is doing great.  He had a little cold, but was a total trooper.  Sleep is going ok, better than Dd was at least.  He has at least two 2-3 hour naps during the day and I can put him down (like motomom it can take a couple of tries) which is amazing!  Night time he falls asleep around 8 or 9 and has a 3 or 4 hours stretch.  He then wakes 2-3 times and normally around 3 or 4 he gets really loud (think piglet) and wiggly.  But last night I was able to just have him on my chest or next to me and I actually slept through much of it.  He had gas yesterday and I think it was from a "protein" granola bar that I had, so I am eliminating whey and soy where I can.  He is super mellow though, DD would cry so much and even with gas he just lets out a little yelp and farts and is totally fine. 

I have not started pumping yet, I am dreading it.  I have a great supply so I am not stressed about having enough when he goes to daycare, but I just hate pumping!  We do not have a set schedule for sending him to daycare.  My "maternity leave" has been pretty much two weeks off (modified bed rest) and since then it has been working while he sleeps.  So, I am working about 4 hours a day.  I am hoping to send him to day care after the holidays.  They are having a halloween party next week and I plan to bring DS and DD (she is now at preschool but misses daycare a lot) so that daycare can meet Brody.

I have been feeling totally stressed about our mess of a house.  Because during the week I am just working and taking care of baby the house literally has exploded.  There is not a single surface that doesn't have clutter on it and it is driving me nuts!  I think I am sort of in mourning of how nice it was the first three weeks when my mom and MIL came to help and cleaned and cooked!  I feel like it is just giving me so much anxiety and I can not relax in my own home! 

Has anyone started exploring birth control options?  I am DREADING having to have sex again!!  But, it is a task that must be done eventually.  I was thinking of the non-chemical IUD, but I am not overly excited about it.  Condoms are basically the equivalent of abstaining with us.  I don't want DH to get snipped because I am not sure if I want this to be the last baby or not.  Is it at all possible to use fertility awareness (temping) while breastfeeding this early on?  I certainly do not regularly get 3 or more hours of sleep and I rarely wake from 3 hours of sleep at the same time.  Just trying to wrap my head around it. 

Sorry this is all about me, I will try to check in more this week!

[Worldshakerz]

Good to hear from you Ava's Mama :) I definitely understand the stress of a messy house! I don't work from home but I home school and I was taking college classes up until last week so the housework went out the window. Benji has a cold too, the whole family has it. Glad your LO is feeling better. 

Birth control, I have no idea yet. We hate condoms. We had considered vasectomy after our DD was born 7 yrs ago but we didn't feel completely comfortable with it and decided against it at that time. After doing his own research, DH just didn't feel comfortable risking any of the side effects even if uncommon. Most likely it will be NFP unless we can find an acceptable condom lol. 

I'm feeling accomplished today because I managed to get out of the house quite early with all three kids. We had a coconut kefir smoothie for breakfast, DH left for work and we headed over to a nature trail and walked a good two miles while we were there. I'm afraid we were quite cooped up in my last few weeks of pregnancy (when I was super tired and our pool was undergoing renovations). And we were still cooped up for the first 2 weeks postpartum. It's been nice to feel a bit more normal and be more active! 

[MadiMamacita]

Birth control : I'm leaning towards a hormonal iud. My mw said the low dose of hormones seems to counter some of the side effects of the non hormonal iud such as cramping and bleeding. But I like the freedom of being able to ttc on a whim and not have to schedule an appt etc . That said we are t sure we are having more children. I guess I'm undecided.

[MissE]

@ava's mama: i have a 4am piglet too. I somehow manage to sleep through it too. This morning i sleot upright with dd on my chest. We made it about an hour and then had to get up.

Birth control: i will have my ob prescribe the minipill first. I did pretty well on that and no matter if i'm taking hormonal birth control or not, i have no libido, so that shouldn't really matter anymore. Eventually i will get my tubes tied. We're done with babies, no more.

[ascher21]

Man, I don't know what is going on with my baby. Last night he threw up his milk (there was enough to run down his side, down my side, and onto my pants), then wanted to nurse constantly, then he threw up again today, when I was trying to use the baby k'tan (which he isn't too thrilled with) so it got all over that, himself, and all down the front of my nursing tank. Then he was fussy and wanted to nurse a ton again. I'm afraid to feed him, in case it's overload that's making him throw up. I'm also worried. He's thrown up his milk a few times prior to this, and he's only 3 weeks old. I hope he doesn't have a major gastrointestinal issue. :( He's still gaining. He's at 10 lbs at 3 weeks, so he's not losing nourishment.

I had a question: My bleeding basically stopped at 2 weeks. But now, on occasion, I'll get a little gush of light pink tinted something or other. I'm not peeing myself. It seems to happen around breastfeeding time? Just wondering if anyone else is experiencing this. Kinda annoying since I have to change my undies, but it doesn't happen enough to wear a pad all the time.

My let down also seems to be getting more and more painful. I didn't really have it much at first. 

And is anyone taking placenta pills? Mine say not to take them with calcium or dairy, but wondering if it's a bad idea to just cut out all the dairy I was drinking during pregnancy. It was hormone free, organic milk. Now I've switched to soy milk, but it's just not the same, and it also has a ton of added calcium in it. Don't know how i'm supposed to take these pills!

[Flower of Bliss]

Birth control:  I have PCOS.  All 3 of my kids were conceived with clomid.  My cycles are typically long, irregular, and annovulatory, and as a result charting really stresses me out.  I really don't want to consider hormonal bc or an iud, or condoms.   I doubt we're done.  I think there's one more baby in our family.  We've always said a surprise baby would be quite welcome.  But I fear a 12-18 month age gap between #3 and #4 would send both me and DH over the edge.  I like our 3 year age gaps, and I really don't want to do much tighter than that for #4.  DH and I haven't discussed it yet this time, but my libido is still very much there, and I'm anxious to get back to regular sex.

Sleep:  All of my babies have napped on me until they hit 15ish months and start taking one afternoon nap.  I don't schedule anything around a tiny ones sleep routines.  We're on the go plenty.  However, I'd love to have 1-2 hours in the morning I could spend with my big girls without a baby in a sling.  So far DD3 wakes pretty quickly if not in arms.  She's slept in the bouncy seat for 30 minutes a couple of times.

We've had some super fussy evenings leading to very very late nights.  However, once she's asleep in bed at night, she sleeps quite well.  She'll usually wake to nurse a few times, but we nurse sidelying and both drift back to sleep pretty easily.  We really don't change diapers at night.  She's not pooping at night.  If she does wake upset and nursing doesn't fix it, DH gets up and changes her diaper and/or walks with her.  He also deals with any night waking with the older two. 

Carseat:  DD3 cries when the car is stopped - stop signs, stop lights, traffic, drive thrus, etc.  Once she really melts down, she'll just cry till we're there.   Both of my older girls did that too, but they became pretty good car riders while still pretty little.  I hate for my babies to cry, but I'm not nearly as high anxiety about it with #3 as I was with #1.  We're planning to do a 5-6 hour drive home for Thanksgiving, so I'm really hoping she's a better car rider by then.

Weight/exercise:  I'm about 8lbs over pre-preg weight (123 now, was 115 then).  I'm thrilled about this.  I never dropped baby weight like this before.  I really worked to get back to a reasonable weight when DD2 was 1 after never losing DD1s baby weight.  I'm wearing jeans just one size over my goal weight clothes.  I do definitely still have a squishy belly, but at only 3 weeks out today, I'm not stressed about it yet.  I'm anxious to start some mild exercise routines, probably just using our wii fit.  I think I'll wait at least one more week though.  I'd love to be back to pre-pregnancy size by the holidays.

[amysue]

I haven't been posting much lately and I've missed all you mama's!  I go back to work on Monday (the 22nd) and I'm dreading it.  I've got a few calls and everything is just a huge mess.  I don't want to go back at all, but we have too many bills for me not to and dh has been laid off since Aug 2nd.  He's worked last week and this week, but will be laid off on Friday and probably won't go back until Jan-Feb.  Ugh.  DD2 is staying home with him until he has to go to work.  We still haven't found anyone to watch her. 

I'm pumping exclusively and bottlefeeding, but I have very good supply, I've filled our freezers (most of an upright freezer, the freezer on the fridge in  the house, and a freezer on the fridge in the garage, All are at least 2/3 full of breastmilk).  I'm having to dump excess down the drain.  I've checked into donating but they won't accept it because of some medication I'm on.  We tried to get her to nurse after she came home from the hospital, but I didn't have it in me to let her cry and cry and force her to nurse when I could pump and give her a bottle and she would be perfectly happy. Dh can give her a bottle, etc.  There are good points but I was so looking forward to nursing. . .it is what it is.   Pumping isn't the most fun thing in the world, but it's the best option for us.  Honestly it makes me stop every 3-4 hours and rest, and it will give me a break when I go back to work. 

Birth Control - I had my tubes tied during the C-Section.  Being diabetic, dh and I both felt there were too many risks to try and have another.  After my reaction to the anesthesia this time we're both happy with the choice. 

Sleep - Some nights Baby K will sleep for about 6-7 hours, sometimes it's just 4. She sleeps longer and more soundly in the snuggly insert in the pack n play, or swing.  If we swaddle her and lay her in a crib she doesn't sleep long at all.  She loves the swing and we use that in the daytime, pack n play at night unless I'm working upstairs in the daytime. 

Car Seat - She loves riding in the car.  We went to a family reunion when she was about 5 weeks old and she did great.  About the last hour (it was 3 hours each way) she got a little fussy.  DD1 gave her a bottle in the back seat (while she was strapped in ) and she went back to sleep.  She likes to ride in the car. 

Weight - I'm wearing jeans in a size I haven't worn since before DD1 was born (in 1999!) I think the super low-carb diet during pregnancy to control my blood sugar helped alot.  I thought I would keep it up after the birth, but every time I try my milk supply drops.  I'm still losing weight, so I'm not stressing about it.  If I start to gain, I'll figure out something then,  I'm down 23 pounds from when I found out I was pregnant, and 43 pounds from before I delivered.  I gained 20 lbs during the pregnancy.  I'm pretty happy about it all.  I'm guessing the breastfeeding/pumping is the cause, although I didn't do this with DD1 at all.  I could look at food and gain weight with her. 

[MamanFrancaise]

Ugh. I'm back to feeling so abnormal. Why is it I am such a basket case? I decided to try and give Dexter a bottle this morning. He made an icky face and just pushed it around with his tongue. But then he started sucking and drank a full ounce. It totally broke my heart! So why did I bother doing it you ask?

Well, I plan to nurse for about two years and Dexter will have to go to daycare at about 10-11 months old and will need to take a bottle as I will want him cuddled and fed before his naps. And that won't happen if I don't introduce this stupid bottle.

Also, if I ever feel comfortable leaving my baby before then for more than an hour, I will be able to. Even though the thought of that right now makes me want to vomit.

I'm so glad I'm in counselling. Clearly I am just totally messed up.

amysue - Dexter sleeps so well in his little cuddly cradle with the newborn insert, too. Also, good job with the stash! 

Weight - I'm starting to gain some back. Damn! I lost 35 lbs right away but for the past two weeks I am ravenous! And unfortunately, my body won't cooperate and burn it away.