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A Saner TTC: Hunter's Moon - Page 4
Xerxella, I have always thought that too. But the way my therapist described it was that if you are expecting the worst so much that it makes you feel sad, which is what I have been doing, then you are already suffering the pain you would if it actually comes true. If it does, then maybe you feel it less but you still had to go through it anyway just before the actual event (which I guess is WHY we do it). BUT if it doesn't come true then you suffered for nothing and also forged a pathway in your brain towards the negative outcome anyway. So it does put you in a more negative headspace and expectation of the world. It's REALLY hard for me to wrap my head around this. Negativity has always been my way of "protecting" myself.
Dakipode, I like what you said about the zen being at peace with all feelings and letting them come and then be able to let go.
Edited by beingmommy - 10/26/12 at 6:43pm
Weekend plans anyone?
I'm Oing right around now so there's those plans.
Then I'm staying busy with clients tomorrow morning, then lunch and a movie with a friend, tennis on Sunday and getting ready for NaNoWriMo! I've gotten a surge of inspiration and I'm kind of getting a head start (is that allowed? What are the rules anyway?) I'm planning on attending the local kick-off meeting on Wednesday from 11pm till 1am! So excited about this project! Thanks again, beingmommy, for telling me about it!
I started my application back in March or April, but things just kept coming up, so I've been taking longer than I hoped to complete it. I'm the kind of person who likes to have a chunk of time already a set aside before I can commit to a project!
Also, I just found out I got screened in for a job I applied for, so I need to study up before the written test in two weeks, so I'll be working on that this weekend, along with doing some MAJOR cleaning around the house. It's embarrassing how disgustingly dirty it is
And next weekend I'm flying up north to a good friend's baby shower with my DD2, so I am hoping to pack this weekend, and buy a couple of things I need for the trip.
Happy BDing/baby dust
Dakipode and Beingmommy Love your thoughts on preparing for the worst and perfectionism. I too fall into these traps and it truly does suck so much joy out of just being! I am trying to focus on what I am grateful for and staying hopeful in all areas.
Good for you Lidamama84! The application process is lengthy, as I recall, but well worth the effort. I have been out of the LLL scene for the past few years but hope to reconnect if my efforts are successful TTC!
I am taking my DD to a pumpkin farm this afternoon to meet up with friends. Should be a fun adventure for all. I am looking forward to the apple cider press in particular. We are finishing up Halloween costumes also, DD as Astrid the Viking dragon trainer (from the book and movie, How to Train Your Dragon) and myself as Mrs. Potato Head. AF just ended, should be getting ready to O the end of next week - next weekend. I am looking forward to that If nothing else it inspires me to be more creative with finding alone time with my DH.
All this discussion about preparing for the worst is really helpful. I often wonder whether I should let myself get my hopes up or not. When we first started TTC, I was always really hopeful. Back in July, I got my hopes up really high, but then when AF came, it hurt so bad. Since then, I don't let myself get very hopeful anymore. It's no fun to be pessimistic though.
Dakipode, thanks for the advice about jealousy. I know that reminding myself to be thankful for what I do have helps with anxiety about work. Also, how fun that you take ballet class! I used to take ballet class, more than 5 years ago. I was thinking about taking classes again, but I can't find any adult ballet classes in the area. I live in a pretty small town.
Beingmommy, I totally understand about the jealousy. I'm sure it's harder when it's family than when it's a coworker. I hope you are feeling better.
As for my weekend plans, I have to catch up on work today. Tomorrow, we're having some friends over for board games. Also, I expect to O in the next 4 days, so I have some of those plans as well.
Dakipode, I am so happy you are doing Nanowrimo and are so excited! That is great about the local kickoff group. I am hoping I can do it this year. I do have trouble finding enough time for that much writing. But I will try. It IS a great distraction and you feel so accomplished at the end! And good luck for your O'ing weekend!
Lidamama, yay for the LLL app! I started the process back when my DS was 9 months old but then we started getting blindsided by repeated health/dev issues for him and I just couldn't keep up. But I love LLL. It saved our nursing relationship.
SparkleMaman, I love the How to Train your Dragon movie. I find that first flying scene so inspiring. And it sounds like you have some really fun things planned. We had a visit to a farm with a local homeschooling group this week and then a Halloween party tomorrow. Fall is so much fun. I am finding it easier to keep zen and busy. Good luck for your approaching O!
Coati, I so get you on the not getting your hopes up. And I guess, maybe for me I was taking it too far and that's maybe why my therapist brought up the expecting the worst hurting. I was getting really sad about it way ahead of time and also angry and berating myself anytime I started to feel hopeful. So I WAS hurting myself even more than the disappointment would have. BUT, you know I get what she is saying even for those who are less extreme than me. I mean, the disappointment sucks but if you always anticipate it then you are putting yourself in a more negative place for longer stretches of time than maybe is needed. I thought it was an interesting thing. And by no means does she suggest being ridiculously hopeful either. Just leaving the door open in a calmer way. I have been trying it and it feels okay. ANYWAY, good luck for your O too!
Wow, so many are O'ing right now. Well except for me as I am at the tail-end of my TWW.
AFM: Speaking of, I am pondering testing early. Exactly opposite from last cycle. But I did test around CD 28 last time and it wound up being good because I got a BFN and then had a late period and I would've been sure I was pregnant if I hadn't tested. So, we'll see. I really feel calm about it all. Maybe because there is so much else going on. And this thread, of course, helps me keep my zen focus better. I am also feeling so much better about my SIL and not really jealous anymore at all. Fastest resolving of that sort of thing ever for me!
Beingmommy Oh, I have my fingers crossed for you and will keep you in my thoughts!! I am very much hoping AF does not arrive for you. Good vibes being sent your way
And I am also glad you are feeling better about your SIL. I have such a hard time with jealous feelings, as I wrestle with those and feelings of guilt for being jealous. I find it most difficult to contain my jealous feelings when a pregnancy is not planned or even welcomed. But I think a SIL or sister would be equally challenging for other reasons. And I never responded to one of your earlier posts about people feeling comfortable saying the most outrageous things. I completely agree, it is mind boggling sometimes. When I have the energy, I do call people on it but often it isn't the appropriate moment. I will tell you that age differences of any length between siblings can be wonderful. My sister and I are 11 years apart and have always been close. I have a good friend who is 7 years older than a sibling, they always got along beautifully. My best friend's two kiddos are 17 and 19 and they have struggled getting along growing up but have recently become much closer (and it was never awful, just typical sibling squabbles). And yesterday I watched my DD's friend, she's 9, so kindly caring for her little brother, he's almost 4, while we played at the pumpkin/apple farm. It was so very sweet, and she is always like that. From a parenting perspective, I have always thought a greater age difference allows you to meet each child's needs more effectively and with less struggle for yourself, as you are not being pulled in quite so many directions. It is a little easier for an older child to understand they might need to wait on having a 'want' while a younger sibling has their immediate needs met. And the needs/wants are so different at each age. But again, every person/family is different and my point is that I am sure you are not looking at a 'nightmare scenario' (as described by acquaintances) with children 5+ years apart
Dakipode Good luck with your writing, sounds awesome!! That will be quite an accomplishment. Hope you had fun with your weekend plans.
Take care everyone!!
SparkleMaman, thank you!!! You have no idea how much it helps to hear about sibs who have large age differences doing well together. I DO worry about it with my DS. But having them closer together would've been rough for him with all the extra attention he needed. And I keep thinking it has to be okay. He is developmentally a bit younger anyway. And he seems to do better with younger kids. So it will be okay.
SparkleMaman: I did feel like an onlie, but I think that stemmed more from the fact my brothers were only 15 months apart whilst I was 4.5 and 6 years younger then they, and there was only the three of us. I am trying to have my children as close as possible, however, the whole not ovulating thing is getting in the way. Clomid to the rescue!!
Beingmommy Of course it will be okay! I completely understand your hesitations and worries. My DD is 9 and will be almost 10 when her sib is born, assuming things work out in the next few months. I too have grappled with the, is this fair? Will it work? I have come to embrace this, my DH's philosophy, recently. I am a planner, a prepared kind of person. I am typically anxious and need things in order. I worry endlessly about potential obstacles. My DH recently said, "Well, it will all work out because it always does," in response to a situation we were dealing with. I was angry, how could he not see the possible bad outcomes? And then I thought, he is so right! It does always work out. It does always seem to just be okay, not ideal, not how I'd like, perhaps, but okay. And so, I am embracing this in my quest to be more flexible and free flowing. It all works out because it always does. Letting go is SO, SO hard. But it will work out. I am sure of it
Sparklemaman, funny that you mention your DH being like that, we are just the opposite. While I worry some, for the most part I go through life thinking everything will be ok and we'll land on our feet no matter what. DH is the one who tends to live with the fear that the bottom will fall out from underneath us. Did you see The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel? He says: "Everything will be ok in the end, and if it's not ok, it's not the end."
devilish: so are you ovulating with Clomid now? And on which CD? I'm just curious.
beingmommy, glad to hear you are feeling better about your SIL. Being happy for someone else doesn't have to mean denying your own sadness.
coati, good luck and have fun!
lidamama: sounds like you're staying busy and staying sane.
AFM: I finally O'd and we've been getting plenty of BD action so it won't be a lack of timing or effort if it doesn't happen this time! I'm in full preparation for NaNo, planning on attending a kick-off event Wednesday night. I think it might add more stress to my life but it'll keep me preoccupied and thinking about other things.
Have a great week everyone!
Dakipode: I will be starting clomid on my next cycle. And today is CD 31, however, for all intents and purposes, it is CD 21 as in 1 week past ovulation, if I have indeed ovulated. Wishing you lots and lots of baby dust!
Sorry, Dakipode. I misunderstood the question. CD 3 - 7 I will be taking Clomid.
Edited by devilish - 10/28/12 at 8:00pm
devilish yay for clomid! I wanted to take soy isos once we were getting close to TTC, but I can't bc I'm still BFing. Mostly I wanted to see if I could up my chances of having twins, lol...then I'd have my 4 kids and be done . No more convincing DH for another
Sigh...back to work tomorrow...
SparkleMaman, oh my gosh I am such a planner and my DH is such a everything will be fine too! Hee! I have been working really hard on letting go too. Really this past summer and fall have been the first time I have started really picking apart these things and trying to get into a better headspace. And thanks again for the reassurance about the age thing!
Dakipode, okay I just figured out what I want to try and write for NaNo and now I am all excited too! Might not make it but at least I have an idea and some motivation. Fingers crossed for your O and BDing!
Devilish, good luck with the clomid next cycle!
devilish, I meant: when you take Clomid what day do you end up ovulating? I ask because this was my first cycle on Clomid but I didn't ovulate any earlier than usual, CD22 for me... I'm curious to hear about your experience though it sounds like it might take a couple of weeks for you to find out.
beingmommy: cool! Good luck with your story and reaching your goal. I read that you're not supposed to use earlier work but I seriously want to finish this story I've been sitting on for years. It'll be a good exercise to just get me writing a lot on a regular basis. Before I would just write when inspiration struck but I can see the value in just writing, not worrying about whether it's any good or not, almost like a stream of consciousness thing.
Just doing a drive-by to say hello, hope everyone is doing well. :)
Waiting to O here, any day now... Giving OPK's a whirl this month, makes me feel like I am doing something, plus since Dh isn't exactly willing to "perform" as often as I'd like, hopefully I can feel more confident that we're maximizing our chances. Making babies is supposed to be fun, right?
lidamama - Yeah!!! Congrats on working on becoming a LLL Leader! That's a great goal. Why would there be any problems with taking soy while breastfeeding? A lot of people eat soy as a regular diet. For instance, 1/4 cup of soy nuts contains about 80mg of soy isoflavones and 3 glasses of soymilk contains 150mg of soy isoflavones. So, what difference would it make if you were breastfeeding and drinking soy milk? (Truly wondering, not just being argumentative.)
dakipode and beingmommy - Those are interesting points. I guess I mean preparing for the worst by just having no expectations. So, I guess in a way, I'm not preparing for the WORST. I'm just preparing for the status quo. Like I don't expect to get pregnant in any particular cycle. The odds are just against any particular cycle being successful. But, I don't expect some horrible tragedy to befall my children. (And, I think that would truly be the worst.) So, maybe it's more like I'm preparing for reality. The odds are only 20% that I'll get pregnant in any given month. So, it's an 80% likelihood that I'll be trying again next month. So, I should make sure now that I have enough sanitary pads for 2 weeks from now. I'm prepared.
to everyone. Sorry I didn't do more persies.
AFM - It's just been crazy at work, but hopefully everything will slow down by next week. At least, I'll know by then if I'm moving onto next cycle or not. 80% chance I am. I'm making big plans for next June! I've made the reservations, but haven't bought the airline tickets yet. But, we're going as a family to Yellowstone!!!!! Woo-hoo!!!! Neither my dh or the kids has ever been there! I'm pretty excited. We plan on going the first week of June, which is shortly after all of the park opens. (Most of the park is closed in winter.) And, we're hoping it's before the vast majority of schools let out, so hopefully it won't be TOO busy. I'm super duper excited. I bought a book about it and have been extolling dh with facts about the park. I'm sure he loves that!
Good luck all!!!!!! We're due for some BFPs around here!
GISDiva: just for reference, at the clinic they told me to count the first day you get a half dark line as the day you need to start BDing and then the next 3 days. Would it help if you told DH what the plan was? That way you don't have to spring it on him every night...
Xerxella: that sounds like a wonderful trip! Make some extra plans to go skydiving or something too, then you'll for sure get pregnant, right?
On the topic of soy isos etc.: I can't keep straight what's supposed to be good for you or not. Some say no soy, others say do soy... I read up a little on soy isos and if I understand correctly they're supposed to mimic estrogen binders so your body produces more estrogen? But then I keep thinking I've mostly heard about estrogen dominance and most women having too much estrogen. I'm totally confused...
AFM: feeling pretty hopeful today, feeling weird about letting myself get my hopes up, part of me says "you should know better, this will only lead to disappointment" and then part of me thinks "but it COULD happen, right?" Then part of me is starting to wonder if it doesn't happen this cycle how much more am I willing to let myself go through emotionally. Should I just give up and decide to not have kids and be done with the heart ache? My irrational fear is that I will become a bitter and selfish person if I never have kids. I know many people lead very fulfilling lives without ever having kids. I start thinking "maybe that could be me, maybe I could be ok without kids, I could just have dogs..."
I don't know. I'm getting tired of being disappointed every month. I realize there are many women who have been at it longer than I have. I'm just thinking that I don't know how close I am to my limit...
Ok, so that really doesn't sound very hopeful. Just letting myself be open to what I'm feeling right now.
Thanks for the tip Dakipode, and a big 'ol hug. I don't know the answer either, but it's OK to feel what you feel. I had those same thoughts when I thought I would never get DH on board for a second, could I be happy with one or would I be bitter that such a huge thing was missing from my life and my son's life? And I still have those thoughts when I obsess over our age and wonder if it's really ever going to happen. I get superstitious too - my friend gave me a giant collection of awesome maternity clothes and I almost didn't want to take them because I felt like it would jinx everything...
I got a maybe not-quite-half line last night, but I am in the early stages of a cold (dammit) and I was the one who just wasn't feeling it last night. But yeah, I think tonight is probably the night, and probably tomorrow and I think that's about all I will get anyway. He just doesn't have much of a libido, to be perfectly honest. He knows the drill, we've been down this road before. Maybe we'll make a Halloween baby, is that bad luck?
How exciting Xerxella, I would *love* to see Yellowstone! When DS is older, that's definitely on the list.
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