Would you wake up an older teen for school? - Page 3

[lab]

Hey Kathymuggle!

I would wake him up every day!   I woke my kids up all through high school and still do for my two still at home.  

My oldest NEEDED! me to get him up.  He was awful.  I made his breakfast, lunch and dinner every day.   I was glad to do it and so was he.   The good news is that the last 2 months of high school he started telling me that 'I'm 18, I can wake myself up' and started setting an alarm.    

He is in college now and getting up on his own without mommy.   It all worked out.  So far, he hasn't missed a morning class or a morning workout (he's a Division I athlete). 

I wish I could still wake him up in the morning!  Sigh.......

[Linda on the move]

I wake my teens up.

For a while I was working a job where I had to leave wicked early and they CAN get themselves up, but they like me being here and poking them in the mornings.

I don't see what the big deal is.
 

[beanma]

Originally Posted by LynnS6 

2) Help him walk backward through his morning routine -- you need to leave the house at 7:40. How much time do you need for your shower? breakfast? packing up? whatever else?

I'd wake him up. I'm pretty sure my mom woke me up at that age and probably my brother, too (older than me). 

I think Lynn is spot on with the above. I would sit with him in the evening and ask him to walk backward through how much time he needs to walk to the bus stop, eat breakfast, get dressed, time in the bathroom. Have him really think about that and come up with some numbers and time on the clock—"I should be out the door by 7:35 to get to the bus"—and then once you've gone through this when you wake him remind him to keep an eye on the clock. I think this helps with that scaffolding. Rather than micro-managing and telling him to eat now, and get dressed next, you're telling him to be aware of how much time he has and act accordingly. 

I do think, though, that if you made a family decision for him to go to school then as a family you need to support him in that. If he was an emancipated teen and living on his own then he would be responsible for himself, but if he's still at home he's not quite independent yet and needs your support. I'd get up with him.

[mtiger]

Originally Posted by lab 

He is in college now and getting up on his own without mommy.   It all worked out.  So far, he hasn't missed a morning class or a morning workout (he's a Division I athlete). 

I wish I could still wake him up in the morning!  Sigh.......

LOL I so understand. My daughter is an (DIII) athlete. She has "early" classes every day, and hasn't missed one (AFAIK).

And I also wish I could still wake her up...

[kathymuggle]

Originally Posted by beanma 

I do think, though, that if you made a family decision for him to go to school then as a family you need to support him in that. If he was an emancipated teen and living on his own then he would be responsible for himself, but if he's still at home he's not quite independent yet and needs your support. I'd get up with him.

I would not say we made a family decision. He made the decision - which is, I think, fairly typical when teens decide to go to school.  None-the-less, I can and will choose to support him in something he wants to do.

______________________________________________

As said earlier (people can keep responding if they want to, but I have what I need from the thread and it will be my last post)  I will get up in the morning and teach him/support him (through scaffolding) into being independent in this area.   I have gotten up early these last two morning - not with ease.  Suffice to say the apple does not fall far from the parental tree in this area!  Thanks to everyone for responding.

K.  

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle 

   I have gotten up early these last two morning - not with ease.  Suffice to say the apple does not fall far from the parental tree in this area! 

Is there a reason that it is difficult for you to get up in the morning?

I think that when we get up and get our day started at the same time as our teens, we are teaching by example. We also have to shut things down and get to bed/get to sleep at a more reasonable time.

I think the converse is true. If we sleep in, we are teaching them that getting up and getting going is difficult, unpleasant, and not worth doing.  It can also be linked to modeling other unhealthy behaviors, such as being on the internet late at night (which I really struggle with).

I know this is a different deal for different families -- some parents work evening or night hours, or are providing night-time parenting to younger siblings while also raising teens.

[kathymuggle]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

Is there a reason that it is difficult for you to get up in the morning?

I am not a morning person.  It seems simplistic, but I have been this way as long as I can remember.  I did set the alarm this morning for eight, as I know if I sleep in til 9:30 (which I sometimes do on weekends) I will have more trouble waking up tomorrow morning.  Ds is also going to be woken up - I do not have the heart till do it until 10:00 or so - but he usually sleeps til about noon on weekends.  I think he is catching up on sleep he missed during the week, and he stays up late on Friday and Saturday (he likes getting the house to himself.)    

I think that when we get up and get our day started at the same time as our teens, we are teaching by example. We also have to shut things down and get to bed/get to sleep at a more reasonable time.

I think the converse is true. If we sleep in, we are teaching them that getting up and getting going is difficult, unpleasant, and not worth doing.

Getting up can be difficult and unpleasant, lol, particularly if it is not your natural waking time.  I can roll out of bed easily after 8:00, but before that?  Not so easily.  I do think getting up earlier than your natural inclination is sometimes worth doing (and Ds has decided school is worth getting up early for, and I have decided that helping him get up is a good idea, so we will both do it)- but I also think it is worth setting up your life, if you can, so you do not have to wake up early if you are not a morning person.  I have always worked later shifts, taken later classes etc, to avoid early wake up times.  It comes down to knowing yourself.

I don't know if morning people are born or made.  If people come into this world "night owls" they can probably learn to get up in the morning, but it won't be their default and it won't be easy for them. 

Edited by kathymuggle - 10/21/12 at 7:52am

[whatsnextmom]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle 
 

In our family, the morning people are "made." DS and myself, total morning people. We need less sleep than typical. We wake naturally around 6:30 or 7 whether we go to bed at 9pm or at 1am. If we have to wake earlier, it's not a problem. DH and DD, need more sleep than normal, have difficultly settling in earlier in the evening and have trouble waking up in the morning. Yes, they WILL wake up but two years they woke at 5:30 for DD's school (and DH took her because it was on the way to work.) It NEVER got easier or comfortable or routine. I tell you, it was an unnatural order where they were up and DS and myself were still in bed. We're all happier now that we're all on a later morning schedule. DS and myself still rise early but it gives us some play time in the morning. DD and DH have an easier time waking at 7 than 5:30.

Personally, I wouldn't worry so much about setting the sleep/wake example. You may have to get up earlier to help him at the moment but in general, having your own routine that you stick to and that works for your individual situation is a plenty good example. They don't necessarily need to see you follow all THEIR commitments and schedules... especially at that age. My kids seem to understand that eating breakfast in the morning is important and put it together for themselves from K/1st grade even though DH eats his yogurt during his morning meeting at work and I eat mine after I drop them off for school.

[onlyzombiecat]

Getting up can be difficult and unpleasant, lol, particularly if it is not your natural waking time.  I can roll out of bed easily after 8:00, but before that?  Not so easily.  I do think getting up earlier than your natural inclination is sometimes worth doing (and Ds has decided school is worth getting up early for, and I have decided that helping him get up is a good idea, so we will both do it)- but I also think it is worth setting up your life, if you can, so you do not have to wake up early if you are not a morning person.  I have always worked later shifts, taken later classes etc, to avoid early wake up times.  It comes down to knowing yourself.

I don't know if morning people are born or made.  If people come into this world "night owls" they can probably learn to get up in the morning, but it won't be their default and it won't be easy for them.

I do think some people are born late risers/night owls and some are not. I think you can make yourself get up and really work to alter your schedule if you need to.

I agree that it makes good sense to know yourself and go ahead and arrange your life to suit your natural sleep schedule if you can.

I can get up early pretty easily even if I am tired. I never use a snooze alarm. I'm energetic in the morning and night. I have always had a lethargic period in the afternoon though.

Dh always seems to have trouble getting up in the morning no matter what time he went to bed. He does it but definitely hits the snooze alarm multiple times. He is just not a jump out of bed and get going person in the morning.

My dd is more like dh and a night owl by nature. She doesn't wake up easily in the morning. She doesn't sleep all day but getting up early and going to bed early would be a real fight against nature for her. We homeschool. In future I think she could definitely look to jobs with flexible hours or work at night to make life easier on her.

[beanma]

I think it's definitely true that some people find it easier to get up in the morning. It's great for them because society seems to see them as productive members of society while we night owls are viewed as lazy slackers. Too bad no one gives props for staying up late.

I'm a night owl and my DH is even moreso. Both kids are and have never gotten up early even as babies/toddlers and have always been able to stay up late. Even as young as 6 or 7 they could easily stay up until midnight w/o complaining of being tired and have stayed up much later (2am, 4am) for special occasions like New Years Eve or sleepovers (not that I encouraged this behavior, but just in contrast to other kids who crashed at 10 or whatever). They have never had an early bedtime because when we would try that when they were younger I would end up getting super frustrated trying to get them to go to sleep when they obviously weren't tired and couldn't do it. When dd1 is tired she will fall asleep quickly w/in 5 minutes of her head hitting the pillow, but if she's not tired no amount of coaxing would get her to sleep. Dd2 is even harder to get to sleep. She's more like me. She needs about 15 or 20 minutes to get to sleep.

I have always had to get them up for school and have always had to get myself up, too. I would love a school that started around 9 or 9:30, but dd2 needs to be to school by 7:45. I just suck it up and get up, too.

 

I do think if you get up early long enough it can start to become a habit. My dad was in the military briefly and picked up the habit of getting up about 6am there. It stuck with him. Before I had kids I would easily sleep til 11 on weekends and since having kids and having to get them up for school for the past 8 yrs I don't think I could do that any more unless I was sick. I could definitely sleep later than 6:30 or 7 which is when I get up on the weekdays now, but I can't go much beyond 8:30 or so now. DH can, though, and can also stay up until 3 am or so. I usually flake out about 11 or 12 during the week, but occasionally stay up until 2. The kids would normally sleep until 8:30 or 9 or so on the weekends or summer vacation.

Interestingly enough, I can't nap, but DH can.

Edited by beanma - 10/21/12 at 12:35pm

[A&A]

I wake my 15 yo. up to go to school when she forgets to set her alarm or sleeps through it.  I can't imagine just letting her sleep through the start of school if she weren't sick. 

Edited by A&A - 10/22/12 at 7:44pm

[Storm Bride]

I haven't read all the replies, but I'd wake him up. I'd also make him walk if he missed the bus. At 16, he can handle 2.5 miles, and it might make him work a little harder to get out the door on time.

[Taximom5]

I think that there is a lot we can do to adjust ourselves to BECOME "morning" or "night" people.

Obviously, a lot depends on what time we go to sleep, but that is in turn dependent on what time we've eaten (and what), whether we've exercised (and how strenuously, and at what time), whether we've been exposed to sun/fresh air, and how much caffeine we've consumed (and when).

I know a few parents who insist that they can't possibly ever be morning people, because they will go to bed early ONCE, not be able to fall asleep quickly (because they are used to a later bed time), and then, naturally, have difficulty getting up early the next day.

it takes TIME to adjust one's inner clock.

All those factors I listed in the second paragraph?  Those are all factors in getting over jet lag, and commonly known by those who have to travel often to other time zones.

Basically, changing your bedtime/awakening schedule is like changing time zones.

Everything I've read says that sleep before midnight is more restful than sleep after midnight.  I can't find any studies saying this, so I don't know where that info comes from (please post if you find any!), but it fits with my own experience.

So we're back to, "if you want to get up earlier, you must go to sleep earlier."

[limabean]

I think you're doing the right thing, Kathy. I agree with what's been said about it being possible to alter one's waking time, but I particularly agree with the poster above me who pointed out that it takes time to make a change. For a while I was getting up at 5:30 to exercise, and it truly felt easy, but then I didn't do it for a couple weeks in a row, and now it seems completely impossible to get up at that time. Of course, it isn't impossible, if I would make the incremental changes over time to get there again, but so far I haven't been willing to do that. 

Anyway, interesting thread. It's made me think about when I was a kid. My mom left for work at 6:45 when I was a kid (from about 3rd grade on), and my brother and I woke up to our alarm clock, fixed ourselves breakfast, put our lunches (that our mom had packed) into our backpacks, and walked a little over a mile to school, and were never late. That completely astounds me now -- my DS is in 3rd grade and I can't imagine having him do that! But my mom was a single mom who had to be at work, and she had high expectations of us, and we rose to them. Which is really cool, but scares the hell out of me when I think about doing the same with my own kids. I remember the sense of satisfaction that came from that self sufficiency though, so I do try to let my kids do certain things on their own so they can experience that feeling and know that I have confidence in them. But ... yeah, I'm not quite ready for them to be totally on their own on school mornings. 

[A&A]

Oh yeah, I wanted to say that an alarm clock that is really helpful for both me and my dd is one that has a "sunrise" lamp with it.  There are different ones.  The one I have is the Soleil Sun Alarm.  The light starts coming on gradually about a half hour before the alarm is set.  It really helps me wake up gradually (and on time!)

Go to Amazon and search for "sun alarm."  There are a lot of different choices.  

And make him go to bed a half hour or hour earlier.  He really needs more sleep than 7.5 hours.  That's barely enough for an adult.