DH and I try our best to keep our lives as "green" and natural as possible, especially for the sake of DS, who will soon be 2. .
My mother, who I love dearly, lives relatively nearby and sees DS once a week, and no matter how I try, I have not been able to get her to accommodate even some of our choices. I value her help w/ DS, and truly believe that my relationship with her, and her relationship with DS, is not worth being jeopardized over this, but at the same time, there is no happy medium and I feel like I'm just passively watching her do things her way, every time (and cringing inside). For ex., we buy DS organic grapes, yet she brings her own every time she comes (conventional) even though I've told her she doesn't need to bring her own food for him...we have a fridge. I tell her we don't really give DS juice...I've found juice in his sippy cup several times now, and it is the stuff she buys which is "diet", i.e., has fake sugar in it which really freaks me out thinking how that may affect him. I tell her we use cloth wipes, yet she continuously wipes his mouth with chemically-laden wet wipes, even in front of me.
My mom takes no criticism and becomes VERY defensive if corrected or even shown any sort of disapproval. The whole family has struggled with her in this area, especially because she tends to put herself first in all areas and is not willing to bend much for others. I've tried being gentle so as not to hurt her feelings but the point is not coming across. Then, even if she seems to get it in the moment, a week later the same things come up again.
This has been a topic of contention between DH and me for some time now- his mother is the opposite type of person and finds her happiness in pleasing others, so she is quick to adapt to whatever we do for DS, no questions asked. He doesn't understand how much of a struggle it is with my own mom.
From the years I've spent as my mother's daughter, I know that my mom experiences love through material things. I get that she feels included in DS's life by buying her own wipes, her own clothes for him to wear when she watches him, her own food to bring him, I just wish, as his parent with his best interest in mind, that I could have more control over what is going on his body/in his mouth while I can (because once he starts school, it's a whole different battle!)
I know I can't change someone nor their lifestyle, especially when it is someone who cooks from a box every night and thinks DS should have candy every time she sees him. I don't want to sound ungrateful; as I said, I don't want these issues to impact our relationship and her presence in DS's life. She loves DS very much. But small gains would be great! I'm wondering if anyone has dealt with this before, and what they did that was successful in getting family members to accommodate your lifestyle a bit more.