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family members w/ different lifestyles - Page 3

post #41 of 43
Compromise *is* a part of life, but if only one of the two involved is doing any compromising, then it's call capitulation. Both parties must give a little, for it to be a compromise. Neither has a right to tell the other one 'this is not important enough for you to insist upon it'. It sounds to me like the mother is trying to decide *for* her daughter, what is important and what is not. That is a concern, because she is likely to continue to decide other things, as well.
post #42 of 43
Originally Posted by Alenushka View Post

Imagine grandma dying tomorrow.  Meditate on it for a while. Then imagine what was important, good not good, not important.  That is something my zen teacher told me. It really clarifies things and allows one to act with compassionate boundaries.


Compromise is part of life. To only get 100 of what your want is to completely isolate your kids from any member of you family who is not like you. It has its advantages, of course


I don't think the OP wants to idolate her kids from everyone who is not like her. I think she just wants the people whom her kids have close and frequent interactions with, to be people who respect her as a person and as a parent. Whether these people live for another 30 years or die tomorrow seems kind of irrelevant.

post #43 of 43

so I don't see why she brings wipes, or packs her own food for him, or brings her own outfits for him to wear, other than the fact that it is, as I mentioned in a previous response, her way of making things more of HER OWN experience...doing things the way she wants so she can be happier. That is the only thing I can pinpoint as to why she does this, knowing how she is.

 I don't really think it is a big deal if your mom gives him regular grapes or uses wet wipes, or watches sponge bog at her house, or has baby stuff at your house, especially if you live further away and it wold be a hassle or your staying over night, but it really is weird to bring that kind of stuff to your house! How does that even work? she comes over and says, I'm going to change his clothes becuase I brought some of my own? bringing over your own supplies to your grandchild's house is really odd, definatly stepping over the bounds. You might just have to say. my house, my stuff, your house your stuff. put a parent lock on your TV so your dad change the channels to one's you don't like at your house.

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