Please... Just make her poop in the potty!

[BlueWolf]

DD turned 3 in July. She is completely pee trained and hasn't had a pee accident in months. But I cannot, for the life of me, get her to poop in the potty.

And this is becoming a massive stress point for me. I am so unwilling to change another poopy diaper, that it's starting to hit my anger buttons. I don't want to be that mom.

I desperately need thoughts, ideas, and encouragements on how to get her to poop on the potty because I self combust into a tiny pile of dust on the floor.

I've tried waiting it out, and explaining to her after every poopy diaper that we poop in the potty, and that tomorrow we'll try again. I've tried bribery. I've tried pleading. I've even yelled a few times out of frustration.

Help!

[ThreeTwoFive]

Have you tried ditching the diapers?

[BlueWolf]

I have. Then she just poops in her panties.

[skycheattraffic]

Are you using cloth or disposables? Is she willing to sit on the potty while wearing a diaper to poop? Is she using the toilet or a small potty the rest of the time? Sometimes kids who go straight to the toilet get startled by splash back when they poop. Also some kids find it hard to relax and bear down perched up high on a toilet even with a stool.

Does she ask for the diaper to poop or does she just go in her underpants? Does she hide to poop?

If she's not willing to sit on the potty even with the diaper then that is a goal to work towards. Poop near the bathroom then poop in bathroom, then near potty, etc. with sposies you can cut a small hole in the diaper once she is willing to sit to poop and slowly make it bigger each day until the poop goes directly in the potty. Once you are about to ditch the diaper altogether, some kids miss the snugness of a diaper around the waist and putting on a belt (or tying on a scarf) can give them the familiar sensation without the diaper and help them relax. If you use cloth diapers, you can undo them and pull them further forward each day to produce a similar effect to cutting the disposables. If she's on the toilet, it may be worthwhile to see if a potty chair might help, especially of you can borrow one.

I gotta run for now, it's bedtime. Sorry that my reply is disorganized but I write with many interruptions.

[BlueWolf]

She doesn't hide to poop, but will poop mid play. If she's in undies, she wont ask for a diaper, but just poop in the undies like she was wearing a diaper.

She uses the big potty, and prefers no seat. I'll bring the little potty out again and see if that works.

Short response as I'm past getting the small child to bed. I'll come back and post more in the morning :)
 

[skycheattraffic]

Just about to put DD down for nap but I would work on getting her to tell you when she needs to poop. Make it clear that she has two options for poop: potty (much preferred) or diaper (ok for now) but undies are not for poop. Some parents have luck with animals or characters on the undies and using a line like "we don't poop on the zebra. If zebra gets poop on her she will be very sad". For some kids it's enough to at least make the leap to ask for a diaper to poop in to keep their little animals or whatever from feeling sad. Post more later. Good luck

[dejagerw]

DS1 had some trouble going poop on the potty too. Here's what helped for us.

First, try to relax. If your wound up, so will she be, at that makes it hard to poop on the potty.

If you know she has to poop get her on the potty. If she's mid poop, get her to the potty and let her finish it on the pot. You may have to watch her closely around the times she normally poops. DS1 would not want to be on the potty when he had to poop. But what worked was for me to distract him. He would most scream to get off the potty, seconds before the poop came out. So it was all about distracting him. I would sing songs, read books. If he wanted off, I'd say, just one more book... or I'm almost done with the book. (Long books help, or ready slowly.)

Good luck!

[tropicana]

if you are home, you should have her go completely pants-less. no diaper, no unders. no pants at all. this is the best learning tool there is, IMO. yes, you will clean some poop off the floor. (but you won't have to change another poop diaper, LOL.) WHEN she poops the floor, which she will, be real calm and all business about it. oops. poop on the floor. gotta get that to the toilet, here, watch me do it. pick it up with a toilet paper and drop it in. let her flush it. (you go back and sanitize the floor too of course.)

the MOST IMPORTANT part of this is WATCHING her for signs that poop is coming. WHEN that happens, scoop her up, take her to the toilet, have a special book ready to read to her. if she resists, do whatever it takes to get her to try it. if you know the poop is coming or is right there, do WHATEVER to get her to just sit there and let it out. offer a candy, hold her hand, sing to her, read a book, find out from her what it would take. (if she resists just doing it.) promise a party when the poop comes out in the toilet. 

IF ANY poop comes out in the toilet, you celebrate!! she is over the hurdle. call dad. call grandma, have a party. 

then it's lather-rinse-repeat. keep the pants off until she is reliable. it could take a few weeks.

[Mama2Dane]

I love these suggestions! I am having a difficult time with my son as well. It almost seems like he likes being poopy. I work with him on potty training, lose steam, and then we're back to diapers for a week. I wish I could be more consistent with him, but the constant flow of dirty underwear is frustrating to me. I do like the naked approach. That seems to help DS stay mindful of needing to use the potty.
 

[pamplona]

Hi Blue Wolf,

All these suggestions sound fab for other kids, but none work for my DD.  I was actually about to post on here with almost the exact same story/question. I'm guessing the answer for mamas with tough-to-poop LOs like us may just be time. 

My DD also could care less whether she poops in underwear, a diaper or the floor.  She has successfully (coincidentally and super sporadically) pooped in the potty maybe 4-5 times ever, but that  unfortunately didn't get her "over the hurdle," as one poster suggested. We've also tried many, many types of incentives, explanations/teaching, indifference and other tactics. Totally pee trained (never a single accident even overnight), but refuses to poop.  The frustrating part is that I'm 100% sure she is physically capable of knowing when she has to poop and doing so on the potty.  She just simply prefers to poop in underwear or a diaper.  She's also not easy to read in terms of when she's about to poop. I sometimes catch her mid-poop, but know that if I tried to sit her on the potty then (or if I tried pre-poop) she'd have a huge tantrum. I can tell that tantruming on the potty would put us further away from poop-training, since she is *super* strong-willed.

So all that to say that I really, really share your frustration. However, all tactics I've seen suggested by others on this thread and many others have not worked for us thus far, although I really wish they did. Will keep checking this thread, but am also trying really hard to just make peace with the fact that some kids just poop in their own time, and that no parental strategies help speed things up. 

[dejagerw]

Pamplona...

Have you tried the technique of telling her she's got to poop in the bathroom? I've heard that can be a first step for some who are adamant about pooping their pants. The idea is that you get them used to the idea of pooping in the bathroom first, then gradually, get them to poop on the potty. So if you see her pooping her pants tell her she's got to do it in the bathroom.
 

[luckiest]

Well, take my advice with a grain of salt, both because I don't have experience with a child that age and because what I'm about to say may not actually count as advice, but have you considered doing...nothing?

I hear that you are at your wit's end and very frustrated.  Although my DS is much younger (almost 2), I can empathize as he is about 90% pee trained and 0% poop trained.  If I try even the tiniest bit to suggest where he should poop, he rebels and simply refuses to poop at all.  After a few rounds of that, I've completely stopped caring about when or where he poops, and just that he does.

It's one of those areas of control, right?  You can't force them to do it.  You can't force them to be motivated to do it in the potty.  You can try coercive methods like treats, praise, outright bribery, but those don't always work because eventually the shine wears off and they'd rather be the one in control of the situation than get another M&M or sticker.  

If it's giving you anxiety, I'm sure she's picking up on that.  I wonder if the attention being paid to the matter is only reinforcing the fact that she is the one in control, and that the more you try to coax her, however gently, into doing what you want, the more she will resist.

So, if it were me, I'd do my level best to stop caring.  Try to let go of what she *should* be doing.  By now she knows what you'd like for her to do, so if you can, try to just leave the rest up to her.  

Like I said, my personal experience is that if I try to encourage DS to use the potty for poop, he will simply stop pooping.  Since at home he is naked, he has taken to pooping in the back yard.  Whatever, man, at least he's pooping!

[BlueWolf]

I wanted to update you ladies. I tried to log in while they were updating the website, then forgot to check the next day...

Anyways, we've had success!

Last Thursday I set out the toddler potty in the middle of the living room, and literally reminded her every 5 minutes that if she needed to poop to do so on the potty. I wasn't expecting her to do so, and was fully prepared for an accident. But low and behold, she did poop on the potty! Major praise and reward for her that day.

I went out Friday to the toy store and picked out a bunch of little gifts to give her at each successful poop on the toilet. She wouldn't poop Friday or Saturday (too much pressure, I think). I left to run errands Sunday, leaving the kiddo with my DH and she pooped twice on the potty while I was gone. So happy to be able to reward her with a toy. No poop Monday, but she just pooped this morning on the potty! I let her pick out her own panties to wear afterwards, and she seemed to really enjoy that. She requested calling her daddy on the phone to even tell him that she went potty too.

So, while it's not consistent success, it's still leaps and bounds above where we were at.

Now I'm wondering, how do I bridge the gap from the little toddler potty to the big potty?

[Oliver'sMom]

My advice would be to completely ditch the diapers.  Never go back!  You're setting a double standard and it's confusing.  Why would she want to stop playing and go to the potty when she can just squat right there and take care of business? lol

I've never met a kid who enjoyed having poop in their underwear.  I know several who don't care about a poopy diaper though.

Get a pack of some super special character panties that she really loves, and get a pack of some super boring white panties.  If she poops in her character panties, have her throw them away.   She needs to know it's just not acceptable to poop in your pants.  Have her put on some white panties, and she can try with some new character panties after nap, dinner, whatever.  This was a really good motivator for my kids.

 I'm from the school of thought that using the potty is not a developmental milestone...it's something you train your child to do.  She needs some external motivation, because from her point of view, you're just some crazy lady that wants to interrupt her play.  I would just set some simple guidelines and rules and stay consistent. 

Rules at my house are:

Poopy panties go in the trash

Poop always goes in the potty.

If you poop in your pants when we're out in public, we go right home and get cleaned up

It may take a week or two of her pooping in her pants before she gets it, but if you're consistent, she WILL get it.  Good luck!

[greenemami]

Having this same issue with ds...pee trained for months, still strugglign with popping.  He will tell me sometimes, sometimes not.  He will sometimes be happy to be put on the potty to poop, sometimes screams bloody murder :) Fun times!

My daughter just did it, so this is a new experience for me! Will be following along with all the great advice, and congrats OP! I hope it sticks this time!

[dejagerw]

Originally Posted by BlueWolf 

I wanted to update you ladies. I tried to log in while they were updating the website, then forgot to check the next day...

Anyways, we've had success!

Last Thursday I set out the toddler potty in the middle of the living room, and literally reminded her every 5 minutes that if she needed to poop to do so on the potty. I wasn't expecting her to do so, and was fully prepared for an accident. But low and behold, she did poop on the potty! Major praise and reward for her that day.

I went out Friday to the toy store and picked out a bunch of little gifts to give her at each successful poop on the toilet. She wouldn't poop Friday or Saturday (too much pressure, I think). I left to run errands Sunday, leaving the kiddo with my DH and she pooped twice on the potty while I was gone. So happy to be able to reward her with a toy. No poop Monday, but she just pooped this morning on the potty! I let her pick out her own panties to wear afterwards, and she seemed to really enjoy that. She requested calling her daddy on the phone to even tell him that she went potty too.

So, while it's not consistent success, it's still leaps and bounds above where we were at.

Now I'm wondering, how do I bridge the gap from the little toddler potty to the big potty?

Glad to hear things are getting better! As far as the big potty goes, we've only got one little potty in our house. We'll leave it upstairs, so if he needs to go I'm all like "the little one's upstairs, let's go on the big potty instead." Don't push it though, especially if she's still getting used to pooping on a potty in general. You can try her on the big potty now, but if she starts a fuss about it I wouldn't push it until she's going regularly on the little one.

[tropicana]

Originally Posted by BlueWolf 

I wanted to update you ladies. I tried to log in while they were updating the website, then forgot to check the next day...

Anyways, we've had success!

Last Thursday I set out the toddler potty in the middle of the living room, and literally reminded her every 5 minutes that if she needed to poop to do so on the potty. I wasn't expecting her to do so, and was fully prepared for an accident. But low and behold, she did poop on the potty! Major praise and reward for her that day.

I went out Friday to the toy store and picked out a bunch of little gifts to give her at each successful poop on the toilet. She wouldn't poop Friday or Saturday (too much pressure, I think). I left to run errands Sunday, leaving the kiddo with my DH and she pooped twice on the potty while I was gone. So happy to be able to reward her with a toy. No poop Monday, but she just pooped this morning on the potty! I let her pick out her own panties to wear afterwards, and she seemed to really enjoy that. She requested calling her daddy on the phone to even tell him that she went potty too.

So, while it's not consistent success, it's still leaps and bounds above where we were at.

Now I'm wondering, how do I bridge the gap from the little toddler potty to the big potty

i would try to make the move to the real toilet soon. i hated cleaning those little pottys. i would have rather cleaned a diaper. 

try a really BIG toy bribe. maybe let her look through a toy magazine. and let her pick out something she really really wants, and use that as a reward for going poop on the real toilet. 

i would hate to get stuck on the little potty mode for very long. 

good luck! and congratulations on the success!

[skycheattraffic]

I disagree with Tropicana - maybe she has a little potty that is hard to clean. I wouldn't mess with a good thing and let her choose which potty to use. In time she will make the move but splashback from a toilet may produce a setback if she's not quite comfortable yet. Just my two cents. FWIW, my bb potties are a hundred times easier to clean than a wiggly bum ;-)

[BlueWolf]

I think I'm going to worry about consistency first before transitioning to the big potty :) But thanks for the additional advice, ladies! We couldn't have gotten this far without you.

[BlueWolf]

Well, we're back to square one. I feel so angry right now that I cannot even be in the same room as her. I flat out refuse to change another shitty diaper.