Anyone really struggling? « Back to Group Discussions

[SweetMama34]

I don't even want to admit this, but I'm more anonymous here than anywhere else in my life...and I just feel like I need to try and work through some things out loud.

I'm so miserable. I'm sick all day, every day for almost a week now - and I'm not even 6 weeks pregnant yet. I know that I could have weeks or months left of this. I can't eat, so I'm hungry and weak. I can't leave the house, can barely interact with my children and am so lonely.

I'm regretting the decision to become pregnant. How is that possible? This was a 2+ year decision and planning before we tried, miscarried and got pregnant again. It's not an accident by any means. So why do I now wish I didn't make this choice? Because I'm so sick...and miserable. I get it.

I've never had morning sickness like this before...I really don't want to take meds to help, especially in these super formative weeks of development. I could never forgive myself if something went wrong. My discomfort is part of being a good mama, right?

I just want to know if anyone else is struggling...it would help me so much to know I'm not the only newly pregnant mama who isn't jumping for joy.

[allisonrose]

I'm struggling with being pregnant because this was completely unplanned. It is a different situation than you are dealing with but is also guilt-inducing. My emotions were really mixed up then I had some spotting today and I realized that I really do want this baby. The hesitations are mostly to do with money and finances so I really am just trying to relax and hope the best situation works out for us. (The situation is complicated, confusing and probably not interesting to anyone.)

[Murph12334]

i too am in a different situation, where this was totally not planned.  Was never even supposed to happen.  But yes, I understand what you are saying.  Also trying to figure out how I'm supposed to be a single mom of three after the baby comes. (with little to no help from the father, othere than financially - err or so he says)

[sky_and_lavender]

I can totally relate. I'm not feeling as sick as you, but today was a really rough day. So exhausted and tired and uncomfortable (no vomiting for me, just burping), and I wondered how I was going to function for at least 6 more weeks of this! My last pregnancy was pretty hard, too, but I didn't have a 3 year old to look after and show affection to and direct. It seems utterly crazy that this is how we humans have gotten here.

As far as medicine, if it were me, I'd try hard to avoid it. But when you have many people counting on you (not just the baby), you have to consider everyone's well being. Including your own! Especially since, as the mother, you are probably the heart of your family.

I'm trying to take it moment by moment and not think too far ahead (which is hard, because I think our brains are ordered to look ahead to head off challenges). Even though you feel awful now, maybe you won't be this sick for as long as you think. Also, if you are feeling very unwell, you might want to get a general checkup and bloodwork (including vit D levels) to make sure you're as strong inside as possible.

Wishing you peace and patience... and healing!
 

[anniegirl]

I think it's totally normal to feel ambivalent about it all, especially since you are feeling so miserable. Similar to labor, I remember thinking "Never again! What have I gotten myself into?". It's hard to be excited when you feel crappy!

This is off topic, but I'm curious if you have told your boys yet? I also have two boys ages 6 and 8, but they will be 7 and 9 when baby comes. We haven't told them yet and I'm not sure when is the right time.

Also meant to add to definitely get your blood checked to see if you are deficient in anything if you haven't already, I think that can definitely contribute to severe morning sickness.

[mamacatsbaby]

I'm so sorry . I'm not going through the super sick crazy MS this time around (yet) but I had it pretty bad with my other two. With my DS1 I remember crying I was so sick and hungry and tired. My longtime GF, who had birthed 2 babies already, had told me that pregnant tired was a totally different animal than regular tired but I had nooo idea what I was truly in for! I couldn't even look at food. And I still had to walk a mile and a half or so to my job and work all day, in a restaurant no less! Oh I was M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E. I thought I would never feel well again. I tried so hard not to think about how long was this going to go on?! B/c I couldn't stand the thought that it could be months. Eventually it did begin to break and finally I slowly but surely was good again. It was right around the beginning of holiday time the misery broke and I was soooo mad I had missed my sister's spread . I've been there and although it doesn't seem like you're not going to be able to deal with one more minute of this, it will end eventually .

[samy23]

Yeah the MS will end at some point (hopefully soon) then you can get on with enjoying being pregnant and feel excited again etc.... try to keep that in your mind, as the saying 'this too shall pass'. Thanks to suggestions from people here I have a plan to help if I do get MS, which is grazing on protein foods during the day, including a banana with breakfast and drinking gingerale.

I am struggling too, but in a different way. Although my pregnancy was very much planned and I'm thrilled about it, I suddenly feel very scared and anxious about it all too. Probably due to being a single mom of one already, I worry about the new struggles having a second child as a single parent will bring. You can't prepare 100% for anything, but I was sure this is what I wanted and what was right for my family right now.....I just get scared sometimes, but who doesn't right?

[SweetMama34]

Thank you all for the wonderful responses. We have a call in to the midwife for help this morning - my husband really wants to do something to help me take the edge off and doesn't know what else to try. I've told him I'm trying everything I know to do already! We'll see what she has to offer....fingers crossed.

allisonrose - I'm interested in your story if you want to share it....especially if it could help you to get some of it off your chest.

[allisonrose]

The issues we have: we own two houses in Cali that we are underwater on. (We moved across the country.) One we have been renting out for a while. The other has had one tenant. That guy stopped paying rent, we had to tell him to get out, then had to get the interior painted and carpet changed because he trashed the place. We have not found another tenant yet. We are going to have to the guy to small claims to hopefully recoup some of our losses. Plus the tenants in the other house picked up a form for 30 days notice of moving out from our property manager so we could get that call any day now. Having both vacant at the same time would be a very bad situation.

Additionally I am a SAHM and have been for years. My hubby's job is under contract which expires in August 2013 so he con possibly not have a job past then. So he is anxious that he could end up unemployed. He put his resume in for a position near where our houses are and he is being considered. It would be some job security but it would mean moving across the country again and living in a very isolated area. It also means very limited birth options. Hubby is more concerned with the money side of things than my feelings about this potential move.

I am still spotting so I feel very insecure on whether this pregnancy will continue or not...

[nerissav]

I think for me - my back is killing me and we should have waited to TTC for a few months.  I was just telling DH that if we didn't get a positive then we should wait.  I guess we got the positive.

I think I'm struggling in that I was highly considering moving back to the States for a while.  My dad's will is in probate and there are things that have to be done which shouldn't all fall on my mother's shoulders - like cleaning out and selling his house.  Also, I do have my residency permit here yet because I've been putting off applying for 15 hour a week cleaning jobs.  Why is that so bad now?  As a non-fluent Danish speaker that is about the only job I can get, need it to stay in the country and get health insurance, and it is going to be more difficult now with me pregnant!  Not good at all and I am really really stressed.  

[essco]

Also a struggling prego mama here too! We planned this baby, but now I'm wondering why the heck we decided to rock the boat. 2 healthy, happy kids already, and a good stable marriage, financially secure.  Now there's this whole wild card that's going to completely alter the family dynamics and add financial stress. And on top of it, DH is being a real nimrod these past few days. Seriously acting like a shmuck.  I keep thinking, "wait, who's the hormonal pregnant one here?" I have a vague recollection of similar things happening with the last pregnancy, that early on was very hard on our relationship. Am I right? Does this happen with other couples?

SweetMama, i know your thread isn't about looking for MS remedies specifically, but have you tried the usual things like ginger? High dose vitamin B6? Sea Bands? Eating small amounts constantly to keep blood sugar very very even? The B6 never worked for me but I know other ladies for whom it's been amazing. These things are pretty hit or miss, sometimes work well in women but for some women not so much. I've also had luck with homeopathic remedies in the past.

nerissaV, I have a dear friend who lives in Copenhagen, she is Danish but speaks fluent English and is super cool. Need a friend there or are you set? She's single, around 39 or 40 yrs old.  I know when in a foreign country it can be nice to have some kind of connection with someone, however random or tenuous. I was once stuck in Brazil not knowing a soul and found some random connection with a couple that totally saved my sanity.

[gitanamama]

Thank you so much SweetMama for starting this thread. It's everything I've been thinking and feeling but was too embarrassed to share. I'm 6w3d along and have been miserable for almost 2 weeks now. I'm nauseous around the clock- vomiting day and night, and so full of doubt and anger right now. I feel betrayed by my body (I had a really easy pregnancy with DS) and so miserable that I can't even remember why I wanted another baby. Being sick all the time is also causing a lot of friction between DH and I. It changes the dynamic--he has a lot of great qualities but being a caretaker isn't one of them. 

It's good to know I'm not the only one who is less-than-excited at this point. Thanks SweetMama for creating this space.

[SweetMama34]

I'm so sorry to the rest of you who are struggling as well. It isn't fair at all that we don't get to be thrilled, excited, giddy about our pregnancies - even those of us who planned this and really, really wanted it! I just trust that it'll come in it's own time...sooner or later, something will thrill us. Or not. I was so disappointed that my first ultrasound and prenatal was not a happier time. I'd been up with food poisoning (on top of everything else - so unfair) the night before, exhausted, nauseous, confused - and then I wasn't even on the schedule! I lost it....tears, sobbing....it ruined my day.

I can't get back on top yet...and I can't even say I'm trying all too hard. It makes me sick to get up and do anything, so I just kind of stay in bed all day long. :( My poor family must be affected by now, too...I used to do SO much....all the cleaning, cooking, errands, childcare, animal care....now NOTHING gets done. DH tries - but he works full time also - it's next to impossible to do two full time jobs, you know?

I'm just sad...I don't like this life at all. My house stinks, I feel trapped and I just want to throw up all the time. I feel ill....not pregnant.

[Tenk]

I understand wanting to use only natural products etc but when it's this bad I can't rely on natural (I am not personally sick YET).  So have you tried Phenergan?  The Dr can prescribe it for you and you can get 12mg (kid dose) or 24mg.  I used 24mg in several pregnancies, and 12mg in the last pregnancy.  It causes fatigue, BUT if you keep it in your system and take it every 6 hours, not letting it get out of your system at all.  This side effect will wear off after about a week, and with the way you're feeling currently I would imagine that suffering with fatigue for a week more would be worth feeling better sooner than later.  Phenergan helped me SO much.  Zofran and all the other options did nothing for me.  As a matter of fact, every single time I tried to take unisom and B6 I vomited within 15 minutes (violently).  Call, ask for an Rx for it, try it, it can't hurt, and you might feel better soon mama!!

I vomited until 18w with my 4 year old, until 33w with my 2 year old, and until 14w with our little guy that we lost at 18w.

[amlikam]

It has been a bit of an up and down ride for me too. Wondering what the heck was I thinking but at the same time some joy is there (though when I am REALLY sick it just stinks!) It is a roller coaster, for me somedays I like it and other days I just feel I wished it never happened (and then I feel guilty because I lost babies in the womb and how would I feel if it happened again....)

Internal games are vicious sometimes. I we all are weatheirng this best we can

ETA: (RANT) I also find my increased irritability makes me miserable to be around. And it makes angery when people ask how I am doing. Most really only want to know that not having signs of pregnancy loss ("because that would be too hard for them to deal with" though I am trying sooooo hard to be in the mindset no matter the course I trust my body) and that I am in a good happy mood. No one really cares if I feel like a hormonal monster who wants to yell and scream for no reason... so I bite my lip and say I am doing fine.

While I am ranting why do people ask "are you excited?" when you know they really only want to hear "yes". I am wondering what the next person might think if I say "no actually I wish I wasn't pregnant"

[goldingoddess]

I completely understand whee you are coming from.  

I think that once you get some coping mechanisms in place to deal with the nausea the ambivalence about being pregnant will resolve itself.  Do not worry or feel guilty about the ambivalence.

I like to think of the first trimester as 'survival mode.'  If this means your kids watch 10 hours of netflix a day and eat nothing but cheese and crackers, that's ok.  

Is there a time of day that is best for you?  If so focus anything that you need to 'do' around that time.  Also try to get some food down at this time.  For me, evenings are best.

The more you can get yourself to eat, the better you will actually feel.  Miso soup, fruit smoothies, milkshakes, all work for me when I'm feeling nauseas but need to get something down.  

My first two pregnancies I had severe morning sickness well into the 2nd trimester.  I really seriously considered having an abortion with my 2nd because it was so intense.  Needless to say, the nausea drove me to insanity.  

This pregnancy has been earily pleasant so far, I'm just reaching 6 weeks now.  But even without the nausea I have thoughts like, "what were we thinking" and "how will this work" and "if I'm this insane and drawn thin with two kids, how will it be with 3."  I think it's only natural to question things in the beginning.  

What helps me is having a husband who is so excited to have another, he carries me through the 'dark' times.

[SweetMama34]

You're all so wonderful for your thoughtful and honest replies.

Tenk - I am taking Phenergan! I take 25 mg every night around 7pm - it carries me through the night and into the morning. I can't take it during the day - I've even tried a half pill - it KNOCKS me out. Not like drowsy sleepy...but flat out asleep! It's a horrible feeling...maybe better than nausea? But I may as well not even be here if I'm asleep around the clock. So, I take Phenergan at night, Zofran as needed during the day - usually twice. This allows me to get some food down and keep it there.

I'm just so sad, though. This time of year, historically, is tough for me anyhow - and now I'm feeling gross and not a great mama to my boys - and I'm just so low. It'll pass, though....thank you for the tip on 'the survival trimester' - SO true!

[Tenk]

SweetMama, make SURE you are taking something to prevent constipation as well.  Zofran causes SEVERE constipation and that can make your nausea even worse.  It's like a catch 22 :(.  Miralax is a close to gentle and easy as it gets.  It's expensive, $20 a jar maybe, but YOU MUST PREVENT THE CONSTIPATION when you're already sick mama.

I hope you get some relief soon, trust me, I KNOW it sucks :(
 

[Voondrop]

I sympathize wholeheartedly. Mine is a baby I prayed for for over a year & my excitement lasted a week before the MS came. 4th pregnancy & first time ever w/ all day nausea that lasted 8 weeks. My husband did make sure I was allowed to nap every day which helped w/ how I felt but not so much w/ the house & I'm afraid their meals suffered too as I wanted to be in any room other than the kitchen. On the bright side I always gain 10 lbs. during the first trimester & I haven't gained 1 yet, so maybe this will not be my average 60 lb. weight gain.
 

[goldingoddess]

I'm sorry, when I posted I don't think I understood the severity of your morning sickness.  Please disregard my useless advice.  I hope you get what you need and feel better:)