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Not pregnant anymore

post #1 of 19
Thread Starter 

Hi all - I am saying goodbye. I started bleeding with some cramping this morning and I know in my heart that I am out. I am grateful that this is an early loss (rather than later) and now I have some time to get healthier for a good pregnancy next time.

 

I wish I hadn't told so many people already, but at least it is just a few of my closest peeps. I also wish it wasn't my busiest day of the week. I feel like I can't take the day off, so we'll see how I feel. I will take the morning off, for sure.

 

I wish you all blessings and wellness!

post #2 of 19
Oh Anyalily, I know theres nothing I could say that would possibly make you feel any better, but I am so very sorry. greensad.gif my thoughts and prayers are with you.
post #3 of 19

hug2.gif

 

I am trusting your wisdom here with your body (though the inner helper/fixer wants to say "maybe it isn't!?")

 

There often is no words to say in moments like these. I am not sure of how your body is shifting but I know having been through loses it is ----------- I am looking for something to describe heartbreaking in the same moment of trusting it will be for the best.

 

blessings to you and your womb as you cycle through. I know I have found the ritual of honoring my pregnancies for their significance and impact no matter the length to be very healing to me. To look at a "miscarriage" as a form of labor has helped me on my own journeys. 

 

May you feel surrounded in love and strength during this time Anya.

 

-am

 

candle.gif

post #4 of 19

So sorry for your loss mama! Take care of yourself.

post #5 of 19

Oh no I'm so sorry bawling.gif

post #6 of 19

I'm so, so sorry Anya. Having learned that any words beyond that just have potential to be hurtful, I'll leave it at that. Thinking the best thoughts for you. stillheart.gif

post #7 of 19

I'm sorry.  Try to take some time for yourself

post #8 of 19
I'm so sorry for your loss. Nourish yourself mama
post #9 of 19

So sorry to hear this! Take good care of yourself.
 

post #10 of 19
I'm so sorry. greensad.gif
post #11 of 19
greensad.gif I'm so sorry anyalily hug2.gif .
post #12 of 19

Oh Anya, I was so sad this morning when I read this and saw that you were the thread starter. My heart goes out to you. I can't help thinking that I sincerely hope you are wrong about being out. You are in my thoughts, take care of yourself.

post #13 of 19
Thread Starter 

Thanks all for the good wishes. Yesterday was a dark day. Heavy bleeding and some intermittent bad cramping accompanied by sobbing. In same ways it was like a little labor, even though it was so early, because it had stages.

 

I was grateful to be alone for the day.

 

In the afternoon DH came home before he went to go get DD and we just sat together for a few minutes. He was good, just quiet and there. Then when DD got home, I suggested we take a drive to the ocean to watch the sunset. I was very glad I did because I was able to say goodbye to pregnancy, and to the awful day in which I awoke pregnant and went to bed very very empty. And my DD will remember the day as a trip to the beach instead of mom on the couch being sad.

 

On the way home, my cramps returned, along with some nausea which was worse than any morning sickness I had. Even though it was hard to be in the car, I was glad for that sunset.

 

I feel better today, still flowing bright red with clots, but no pain. I am hoping the worst is over.

 

I would say this was different than a hard period because usually I start with a little spotting, then red flow and then maybe clotting a few hours or a day into my period (I don't always pass clots). This time, I woke up, had to pee, saw red on the TP and immediately started passing tissue and clots. It felt different, especially a handful of hours later when the cramps were really bad. I actually moaned like in labor for a few minutes, and it helped.

 

DD was really sweet, she called my pregnancy my baby chance, and she told me she hoped we had another baby chance soon, and she would ask God.

post #14 of 19
Thread Starter 

I am going to move over to the losses board. I don't want to weigh down this joyous club. Bye mamas!

post #15 of 19

Sweet journey and thank you for sharing your story. candle.gif

post #16 of 19

I'm so sorry for your loss anyalily. Thank you for sharing your story, I have wondered what it would feel like.
 

post #17 of 19
So, so sorry! Thanks for sharing your story with us
post #18 of 19

I'm so sorry you've lost your baby. :(

post #19 of 19
If you're still reading, I''m glad you were able to say goodbye the way you did. Thank you so much for sharing with us and I wish you well hug.gif .
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