Thanks all for the good wishes. Yesterday was a dark day. Heavy bleeding and some intermittent bad cramping accompanied by sobbing. In same ways it was like a little labor, even though it was so early, because it had stages.
I was grateful to be alone for the day.
In the afternoon DH came home before he went to go get DD and we just sat together for a few minutes. He was good, just quiet and there. Then when DD got home, I suggested we take a drive to the ocean to watch the sunset. I was very glad I did because I was able to say goodbye to pregnancy, and to the awful day in which I awoke pregnant and went to bed very very empty. And my DD will remember the day as a trip to the beach instead of mom on the couch being sad.
On the way home, my cramps returned, along with some nausea which was worse than any morning sickness I had. Even though it was hard to be in the car, I was glad for that sunset.
I feel better today, still flowing bright red with clots, but no pain. I am hoping the worst is over.
I would say this was different than a hard period because usually I start with a little spotting, then red flow and then maybe clotting a few hours or a day into my period (I don't always pass clots). This time, I woke up, had to pee, saw red on the TP and immediately started passing tissue and clots. It felt different, especially a handful of hours later when the cramps were really bad. I actually moaned like in labor for a few minutes, and it helped.
DD was really sweet, she called my pregnancy my baby chance, and she told me she hoped we had another baby chance soon, and she would ask God.