Pregnant after a loss? « Back to Group Discussions

[Jules09]

Anyone here pregnant after a loss? How are you going? 

I've had two losses - a missed miscarriage in 2008, and then a neonatal loss when my son was 8 days old in 2009 (he was born very sick).  This is now my fourth pregnancy with only one healthy baby born, and I'm feeling really anxious and stressed!  I'm 6w1d, and am having a hard time believing that I won't miscarry.  This pregnancy is also bringing forward some of the sadness I have about my son too.  I have my first ultrasound next week, and I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up and then *know* what's going on in my body.  My symptoms are pretty mild so far, which isn't helping my peace of mind!

How is everyone else doing?

[womenswisdom]

I am also pregnant after a loss this year at 13 weeks. I just found out a few hours ago and really wasn't expecting it to happen this month due to timing. I haven't had much time yet to figure out how this all factors in with my feelings about my loss, but fortunately I do feel like I was pretty emotionally okay after the loss since I made a strong effort to work through my emotions at the time with counseling, etc. I guess I will just be open and see how I feel as things progress. Hugs to you. I'm hoping for a sticky baby for you!

[revolting]

I've had three losses. One before I had my kids, and now two this year trying for this pregnancy. I definitely still have work to do around the grief. I definitely sometimes get swallowed in the anxiety and grief, especially at night and it leads to insomnia.

I don't know. I've kind of decided that I want to celebrate and find joy in this pregnancy no matter what happens. Last pregnancy, I tried to avoid getting attached, and then I hit twelve weeks, and it was like, I gave myself permission to admit all the excitement and attachment I already felt, and then I ended up miscarrying anyway, and I'm still grieving; sometimes, I think the second loss I had this year was harder than the first one this year, because I thought I was safe by then. I'm seeking prenatal care way early to watch my hormone levels and to get an early ultrasound this time, because I need answers as to why I'm having so many losses. Maybe this sounds messed up, but I actually feel more at peace with a possible miscarriage scenerio than I did during my last pregnancy. No matter what, by checking hormones and using an ultrasound, I will have more information, and if I miscarry again, I will be referred to a recurrent pregnancy loss specialist and learn what's going wrong. I'd love a squishy baby, but no matter what the outcome of this pregnancy, I will be able to move forward in a way that I haven't in the past. Also, I like to craft, and I've been working on cloth pads to either use postpartum or with a miscarriage. Either way, I feel like with such a project there's the hope that all will be well this time, but also there's the back-up plan and either way, I will be nurturing myself. I need something tangible around this pregnancy, no matter what. I didn't realize how hard it was on me not to have something I could put on my dresser that was of this pregnancy, and I want to make sure that this time, I do have something physical that's of this pregnancy to make the loss feel more real.

Also, in the pregnancy after loss thread, there's a monthly chat thread. Check it out!

[zjande]

Jules, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your little son. :( I'm sure that was terribly hard.

I had a miscarriage on July 25th of this year. It was my first and it was shocking. I hadn't given a whole lot of thought to miscarriage and just kinda figured it would never happen to me. It was devastating! Just so sad. Every day after it was sad. I just kept thinking "I should be pregnant now", "I should be tired and nauseas now". I even went through periods of blaming the baby. Like "why didn't the baby want to be with us??" There are so many emotions a woman has to deal with after a loss. My husband didn't understand which made it a zillion times harder for me. It was a rough time for us. 

I was due march 1st. And now I am due June 1st! I m/c at 8 weeks. I will be 9 weeks tomorrow. I am feeling optimistic because my symptoms are so strong this time, and never really were with my last pregnancy. But I will still worry. It's hard. It's hard to admit it is all out of my hands! Either this baby is destined to be with us on earth or its not. Sigh. I do hope he or she will join us come June though! God willing. 

[Jules09]

Big hugs to everyone here!

[amlikam]

I have some womb angels as well and one earth angel who brings love to my life daily. This little one feels settled, though I am having some spotting and cramping on and off, I feel terrible, which I oftne tell clients is a good sing of hormone levels increasing- hard to take your own advice however. :-)

I am hear with you as well, though I am a bit removed from my journey with those souls I still think of them often.

My process has been to just be in the moment and enjoy it for what it is today (though some days are harder than others.)

Lots of good vibes to all of us here and revolting +hugs+ on your journey. Thank you for letting us share in the brief joy.

[gitanamama]

I've had one miscarriage at 9 weeks, and one healthy birth--my son is 2.5 now. Even though my son's birth helped me heal from the pain of the miscarriage, I still find myself feeling totally anxious and worried this time around. Every morning I wake and do a symptom inventory--- do I have nausea? do I have ENOUGH nausea? Are my breasts still sore? Are they sore ENOUGH? And every time I go to the bathroom, I inspect my toilet paper for any sign of spotting. It's exhausting feeling this worried all the time. :)

I wanted to wait to tell people--even close family, but DH spilled the beans to my mom and sister today. With DS, we waited until 12 weeks to share the news--because I felt like I was over the hump. However, I've talked to a few women recently who've had really late losses and I think that's contributing even more to my anxiety. 

I'm going to try meditating more regularly and really just try to surrender to this whole journey and experience. It's so hard for me to accept that there are no guarantees--- but the more I fight for control and security, the more exhausted and loopy I feel. 

Hoping everyone finds a place of peace in this pregnancy!

[SweetMama34]

I had a loss not that long ago - Sept 10th, in fact. Was pregnant within a week of my bleeding discontinuing...amazing. I did NOT expect that. I've never ovulated before 21 days - and wasn't even counting that as a cycle! Oh well. :) (We had blessings from our midwife to conceive as soon as we could after that m/c, so it's all good!)

I really wanted to keep this pregnancy quiet - and was loving that it was our secret - until I got really, really sick. :( Then, DH needed help...so started spilling the beans to everyone. It's okay, though - it's easier for people to just know. I didn't love the 'grand reveal' of telling people we were pregnant anyhow.

Ultrasound on Friday to determine viability, although with the amount of symptoms I've had, I'll be shocked if things aren't up to par with this pregnancy. So super anxious for that appointment anyhow. More than anything, I can't handle the thought of telling people that I've lost another baby.

[Espion]

Originally Posted by gitanamama 

 Every morning I wake and do a symptom inventory--- do I have nausea? do I have ENOUGH nausea? Are my breasts still sore? Are they sore ENOUGH? And every time I go to the bathroom, I inspect my toilet paper for any sign of spotting. It's exhausting feeling this worried all the time. :)

I do the exact same thing.  I miscarried in May and spent more than a little money on plastic pee sticks from June until now.  I feel so blessed that we're pregnant right now.  Those intervening months were a glimpse at how heartbreaking infertility must be.  I just cannot even imagine what families go through.  

[amlikam]

yes the symptom inventory- I did that for awhile but it makes me too anxious. Now I am floating in surrender of it will or wont be. I did have an ultrasound today which has helped a WHOLE LOT!!! Not that I am a big fan of u/s but they are useful at times. Now I can sleep.

[Jules09]

I also had an ultrasound and am feeling more hopeful now. But I'm still having a hard time bonding with this baby. It still somehow doesn't feel very real yet...

[SweetMama34]

Originally Posted by Jules09 

I also had an ultrasound and am feeling more hopeful now. But I'm still having a hard time bonding with this baby. It still somehow doesn't feel very real yet...

Yeay for a good ultrasound!

I'm not bonding AT ALL, which is so unusual for me with pregnancy. I think it has to do with feeling so sick...I just want relief so desperately, and I'm not past the 'why did I do this?' stage yet. I'm really hoping my ultrasound on Friday helps with that some.

[dayiscoming2006]

I just found out I'm pregnant again! I just had an early miscarriage at the end of last month/beginning of this one. I'm praying this time baby sticks. I got a nicer looking positive and at only 10dpo, so I'm hopeful.

[gitanamama]

Originally Posted by SweetMama34 

I'm not bonding AT ALL, which is so unusual for me with pregnancy. I think it has to do with feeling so sick...I just want relief so desperately, and I'm not past the 'why did I do this?' stage yet. I'm really hoping my ultrasound on Friday helps with that some.

So glad to hear that I'm not the only one! I've been feeling really guilty that I can't manage to get excited or feel connected to this baby yet. It's something we really wanted, but I'm so exhausted and sick at this point that I almost feel regretful--as horrible as that sounds. I'm trying everything under the sun to get the nausea under control and boost my mood-- I *know* that this is temporary and that I am thrilled to be having another baby, I just don't feel that way right now. :(

[emilyfaith]

I also went through and unexpected miscarriage and now I am worried about telling people especially my 4 year old. It was hard to talk to him about it and I don't want to try and explain it again. However I am really thankful for the awesome midwife that supported me through my loss and hopefully will see her tomorrow to get my progesterone levels checked to see if I need to supplement to continue this pregnancy. Hugs to all you mamas
 

[dayiscoming2006]

Originally Posted by emilyfaith 

I also went through and unexpected miscarriage and now I am worried about telling people especially my 4 year old. It was hard to talk to him about it and I don't want to try and explain it again. However I am really thankful for the awesome midwife that supported me through my loss and hopefully will see her tomorrow to get my progesterone levels checked to see if I need to supplement to continue this pregnancy. Hugs to all you mamas

 

I just saw you are in Bozeman. I lived in Billings for around 3 years. We just moved last spring to Texas. Anyway, I hope all goes well for you.

[helenh]

I'm 9 wks 1 day and this is the furthest along I've gotten with a pregnancy.  I've had 3 miscarriages - one in 9/2010, then 12/2011 and then 7/2012.  I started off this pregnancy with guided meditations and relaxation.  It really helped be become more confident in my body to carry this child.  It also helped me bond early.  I was afraid of getting attached and then having another loss.  I know it's tough to believe in your body after you feel the betrayal and loss of a miscarriage but it's a process we should try to honor as a natural, even though it's so incredibly painful.

I also do the morning symptom inventory and periodically throughout the day as well!  We've had 2 ultrasounds so far.  At 7 weeks we saw the heartbeat at 153 BPM and were so excited.

I'm sending positive thoughts out to everyone on this thread!  June 2013 is it!

[helenh]

I'm 9 wks 1 day and this is the furthest along I've gotten with a pregnancy.  I've had 3 miscarriages - one in 9/2010, then 12/2011 and then 7/2012.  I started off this pregnancy with guided meditations and relaxation.  It really helped be become more confident in my body to carry this child.  It also helped me bond early.  I was afraid of getting attached and then having another loss.  I know it's tough to believe in your body after you feel the betrayal and loss of a miscarriage but it's a process we should try to honor as a natural, even though it's so incredibly painful.

I also do the morning symptom inventory and periodically throughout the day as well!  We've had 2 ultrasounds so far.  At 7 weeks we saw the heartbeat at 153 BPM and were so excited.

I'm sending positive thoughts out to everyone on this thread!  June 2013 is it!

[helenh]

I'm 9 wks 1 day and this is the furthest along I've gotten with a pregnancy. I've had 3 miscarriages - one in 9/2010, then 12/2011 and then 7/2012. I started off this pregnancy with guided meditations and relaxation. It really helped be become more confident in my body to carry this child. It also helped me bond early. I was afraid of getting attached and then having another loss. I know it's tough to believe in your body after you feel the betrayal and loss of a miscarriage but it's a process we should try to honor as a natural, even though it's so incredibly painful.

I also do the morning symptom inventory and periodically throughout the day as well! We've had 2 ultrasounds so far. At 7 weeks we saw the heartbeat at 153 BPM and were so excited.

I'm sending positive thoughts out to everyone on this thread! June 2013 is it!

[OSUvet]

So sorry to hear of everyone's losses. I had a missed miscarriage earlier this year, and with no bleeding or anything until over 12 weeks even though baby stopped growing around 6 it is hard not to question this time even though everything seems fine. I am definitely feeling more icky and did NOT have this nipple sensitivity last time (OW!). I am very nervous about my ultrasound tonight, but I will feel a lot more at ease afterward if everything looks ok. 

Edited to post that the US went well! Little bean was a-wiggling around in there with a HR of 180! Measurements were good, just 2 days off my estimate (I was charting but traveling at the time and had a gap in temps) 

Edited by OSUvet - 11/3/12 at 8:24pm