My first year and a half with DS were so incredibly hellish for me. I was isolated, had trouble and a lot of pain with breastfeeding, and I was thousands of miles away from any family.
Now I feel guilty every time I leave the house to go out (which I do semi-regularly) because I'm leaving my husband behind and I'm really anxious that he not experience that same sense of despair. He goes out with his friends also, and constantly reassures me that he's fine, but I can't seem to help the anxiety.
I know my PPD was really bad--breastfeeding my son is what gave me enough motivation to live. I still deal with the same overwhelming feelings if I'm with DS alone for more than an hour at home. We have to leave the house or I start to shut down.
Any advice on how to let go of the trigger? Or change it somehow? The anxiety triggered out of concern for my husband's wellbeing, and the depression triggered by even a perceived isolation are both interfering with my ability to stay relaxed in a fairly stressful life right now (financial issues, going to school full time, etc etc).