Just wanted to give a little update. STBX moved out on Thursday. It happened a lot quicker than we were planning (he wanted to get out since we were sick and he didn't want to catch the bug since he has a lot of work coming up). It was the day before my birthday which was a bit traumatic. I was able to be really positive through the move but the evening on my own was tough. The next morning my mom and aunt came over and we rearranged furniture and set up a wonderful playroom for my daughter. It is great to have so much of the clutter gone.
Today is day 3. I'm sure that there may be some hard days ahead but so far I'm loving having my own space. I'm not walking on eggshells anymore. I can feel the tension unwinding in me. I'm free! My daughter keeps going into his old room and just yelling (in a fun way). She could never make noise like that in our house before! So I think she is feeling like she can expand a bit too. He has been over for dinner every night. He seems happier too. We are both more relaxed. I think that we are going to be able to be really good friends and enjoy each other's company without the stress of trying to be a married couple.
I've been through months of agony, dreading being on my own. But now that it is here it isn't so bad! I thought I'd be afraid especially at night. But it is ok. I think that this is really going to be ok!
Leaving the relationship behind now feels like a relief. My biggest hurdle will probably be figuring out how to juggle a new baby and my four year old completely on my own. But without the stress of worrying about STBX it may actually be easier than parenting with him here.