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Question about other people's anniversary - Page 2

post #21 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post

I've acknowledged other people's anniversaries, but mostly only by phone call, and only a few. I made a card for my brother and his ex-wife, for their first anniversary (just a few months before mine). We threw a party for my grandparent's 50th anniversary, and my parent's 25th. So, mostly milestones for close family. My sister's birthday was on my parent's anniversary, and I don't even remember my parents paying much attention to it, let alone anyone else.

 

in general, I think anniversaries are more about the couple. I don't think there's anything wrong with a close friend or family member acknowledging them, but it's certainly not something I'd expect.

 

I agree with this The first few years we were married, family acknowledged our anniversary with a phone call or card in the mail and that was very nice, as newlyweds. After a few years it fell off and we didn't feel slighted in the least. My husband and I celebrate our anniversary as we see fit, and that's fitting to us as it's our special day to commemorate. We don't view it as a day to receive accolades or receive gifts, of all things. That's not why we got married in the first place. 

 

We do acknowledge major anniversaries with friends and family - notably 10, 25 and 50 years, with a card, and if the couple has a party. I've never heard of a party for less than 25 years, and it's never the couple of honor asking for it/throwing it - it's always thrown for them by loved ones (usually the children or best friends organize it), and gifts are never expected. It's just an opportunity for everyone to get together and share their goodwill and affection.  

post #22 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post

 

 

ROFL! In my family, it's my crazy sister. She got offended over a thank you card that I sent her for a gift she had sent my then baby because I made it out only to her -- and the gift was also from her husband and son. She was mad for months and told every one else in the family how thoughtless I was.  (I was taking care of a new born plus a toddler who had just been dx'ed with autism, I thought I did pretty good sending a card at all)

 

She gets mad over gifts. Sending one gift to her whole family at Christmas means I don't think of them as individuals. Sending separate gifts to each child means I'm trying to fill their house with crap. Giving them a membership to the zoo means I'm trying to tell her how to spend her time, and I don't understand how busy she is.  It's all really insane. She's just an unhappy person looking for some where to focus that unhappiness, and she likes me as a target for her unhappiness.

 

You know, until you have experienced a person like you describe, it is hard to comprehend just how deept their "stuff" runs and how it can suck the life out of you.   My FIL and MIL are the same way.  Every single interaction, gift, look, phone call, etc. was used against us.  We don't see that branch of the family anymore.

post #23 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caneel View Post

Every single interaction, gift, look, phone call, etc. was used against us.  We don't see that branch of the family anymore.

 

yes -- exactly.

post #24 of 32

I don't have any crazy family issues like that. I thought my parents wedding anniversary was on October 21st, so I called to say Happy Anniversary. I thought it was their 32nd. I was wrong on both accounts. It was the 19th, and they'd been married 33 years. Oops!

 

My mom started laughing, told me I was a fool, and thanks for calling. She spent the next hour talking about everything going on there, not about her anniversary. She told me she made dinner for her and my dad, and she was the only one who ate, except for my brother and his wife (who live with them, but they're both vegans, and she made a roast, so it's not like they ate a lot). My dad bought her a card that said something like "If I hadn't married you, I'd probably be driving someone else crazy." After that, she talked about a couple she works for, my sister, my brother, my other brother getting married and having a baby. My dad got on the phone and talked for a few minutes. She talked more about the church, her minister, the time she saw a bear... They've never really made a big deal about anniversaries.

 

My husband and I got married on Valentines Day, so it's hard to forget our anniversary (our whole goal.. he proposed on my birthday... he's very forgetful and it makes things much easier). His best friend wants to take us out on our anniversary (he was best man at our wedding, and it'll be our first anniversary, so he wants to be part of it). We don't expect anyone to do anything, but we also didn't really care whether or not people gave us gifts for our wedding, as long as the ones we love showed up. It's just the way we are.

 

My sister got married May 13 (don't know the year). She likes getting calls on her anniversary, but doesn't expect anything. Her in-laws watch her son and daughter while she and her husband go out to dinner or a movie. They do stuff for each other for their anniversary.

 

My brothers both recently married crazy women (I say that in the nicest way possible) so I'm sure that their wives will expect stuff for their anniversaries, but I'd rather just call and say happy anniversary..

 

My SIL's (sister-in-law's) boyfriend is kinda weird... (he got upset that the wedding card my SIL gave us contained that she was a "cheap b**tard" he felt it was bad etiquette, we thought it was funny)... so I'm sure he'll expect a card or a gift or something, but that's just the way he is.

 

I think anniversaries should be shared by those who want to share. If someone wants to call or wants to send a card or throw a party or do anything for an anniversary, they should be able to, BUT it should never be expected nor required. It's really just a special day meant for 2 people.

post #25 of 32

My parents told me when i was a child that their anniversary was something they kept to themselves. I still have no idea when their anniversary is. I  attended my grandparents golden jubilee anniversary (was it 50 or 60 years of marriage? ), which was a big party. I suppose i take my own mothers attitude that a couples anniversary is their business.

 

On the gifts,  ive  known someone like that too!  

post #26 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by contactmaya View Post

My parents told me when i was a child that their anniversary was something they kept to themselves. I still have no idea when their anniversary is. I  attended my grandparents golden jubilee anniversary (was it 50 or 60 years of marriage? ), which was a big party. I suppose i take my own mothers attitude that a couples anniversary is their business.

 

On the gifts,  ive  known someone like that too!  

 

Maybe they had concerns as to their wedding date and the birth of a child??  Perhaps it was less than 9 months.

 

The Golden Jubilee anniversary is for 50 years of marriage.  It seems rude not to even take the time to know how many years they were celebrating, especially as they are your grandparents and you attended the event.. 

post #27 of 32

My Dad died in 2008.  My Mom died in July.  I so wish they were here to celebrate what would have been their 60th anniversary in October.

 

Until a stroke took my Mom's memory and a small one took Dad's cognitive reasoning, they never forgot our anniversary, nor that of my siblings.  Birthdays were always remembered with a phone call and a card.

 

I took flowers to their grave on their anniversary date (as I do in their birthdays).  Same goes for Christmas (swag of evergreens, holly and red velvet bow).

 

Had they not married, I wouldn't be here.  Of course I celebrate their day.

 

We do the same for my fil.  My darling mil died years ago, but we still recognize their anniversary.  It provides great comfort to fil, and to us.

 

I am big on remembering special days of friends and some family members, and always send a card (NOT an email).  I like to send flowers, too, for no reason other than to say, "I'm thinking of you!" 

post #28 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by grahamsmom98 View Post

 

Maybe they had concerns as to their wedding date and the birth of a child??  Perhaps it was less than 9 months.

 

The Golden Jubilee anniversary is for 50 years of marriage.  It seems rude not to even take the time to know how many years they were celebrating, especially as they are your grandparents and you attended the event.. 

 

 

Seriously....(rude?)   it was over 15 years ago,  so blame my memory for lack of manners. At the time, i am sure i knew  and congratulated them. I was present at their party and travelled interstate to be there. 

 

As for my parents, they believe it is a private affair, and for me that is normal. Come to think of it, i do know the year they were married, and it was before the birth of my brother, so no concerns on the 'out of wedlock pregnancy' front (not a concern in our family, all of my  kids were conceived deliberately out of wedlock, and my parents wouldnt keep secrets like that)

 

However, im sure my parents will announce it when their jubilee comes up.  Its probably soon!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

post #29 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by grahamsmom98 View Post

My Dad died in 2008.  My Mom died in July.  I so wish they were here to celebrate what would have been their 60th anniversary in October.

 

Had they not married, I wouldn't be here.  Of course I celebrate their day.

 

Im sorry to hear it. hug2.gif   

 

I just emailed my mother imploring her to look  after her health, as her sister just turned 80.

 

You make a good point about celebrating the day.

post #30 of 32

I think it is lovely to celebrate (even in a small way with a card or phone call) the anniversary of two people's formal commitment to each other.  Especially in these days of divorce being so very common and people simply living together. 

 

Marriage is a public statement of pledging love and a lifetime to one another.  In most cases, we invite others to be witnesses to the beginning of this pledge, supporters of our love and commitment.  I think it is nice to remember the promises that two people made to each other, even years later (especially if it is YEARS later!).  I have sent cards to widowed friends, on the anniversary of their marriage, and have always had wonderful receptions of this.  They get far too many reminders of death anniversaries and never enough of the happy ones.

 

Dh and I celebrate our first date anniversary (two years before we married) and of other special dates we shared together.  We've been married for 16+ years, now. 

 

Loving memories of commitment are strong and are to be held for those days (and, nights) when we are alone, after the other is gone forever.  They should always be celebrated.

post #31 of 32

Celebrate a person you love...anyday. We have to much hurt in the world we need some happyness. 

post #32 of 32
The question is not should anniversaries be celebrated. The question is should parent have tantrums when their children don't celebrate the parent's anniversary.

My in-laws were so self centered that when their only grandchild's ultrasound happen the afternoon we were going out to dinner to celebrate their anniversary, they didn't want to look at the ultrasound pictures because it was taking away from their special day.
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