Anyone planning on going the unassisted route? « Back to Group Discussions

[Lynann]

After hearing back from our previous midwife that she really can't take us, as she has moved further away, and then not hearing back from the midwife she recommended, we have pretty much decided to go unassisted.

We'd talk about it before and DH wasn't comfortable with it until we had another birth or two under our belts, but then out of nowhere last week he said that if we didn't hear back from the other midwife by the weekend then he was happy to do it with just us. I'm really excited because I really want to have an unassisted birth. I'm a very private person, and even kept a long loose dress on to stay fully clothed during DS2's birth last year. I feel that having just DH with me will help me feel more free to undress if the urge so takes me, and I'm also thinking of a water birth this time, so again being alone won't make my modesty issues interfere with the birth.

So I was wondering if any other mamas here were considering an unassisted birth. Maybe we can encourage and support each other.

[BeagleMommy]

I'm not planning on going to UA route, but as I live two hours from my midwife, I feel it is a real possibility. I think it's best to be prepared. And it sure would be nice to save $ if I felt confident planning to go it alone.

Let me know what resources you'll use to prepare. And are you planning on going to a midwife for prenatal care?

[Lynann]

Right now I haven't been able to find a midwife so the plan is to do my own prenatal care. I just need to order the supplies.

The reason we can't use our previous midwife is because she is now 2 hours away. (We both moved, in opposite directions, since DS2 was born last year.) She thinks I'll have too quick a labor for her to be able to make it on time. She did recommend a closer midwife, but I had to leave a message and she hasn't got back almost 2 weeks later.

Right now I'm in major research mode, finding websites, books etc for both of us to read. We also both have friends who have UC'd that will be a great resource for us.

I will say, that I wouldn't even consider this unless I was completely at peace about the decision, which for this baby I am.

[BaileyB]

Lynann, me too! I am going from 2 hospital inductions with epidurals to UP/UC. Here we go! haha. I just feel much much more private this time around and also because of my first daughter being stillborn (cord knot) my doc insists on monthly u/s and wants to strip my membranes at 37 weeks and then induce at 38 weeks. I don't think so buddy. After my last visit, which was just a normal quick prenatal, I just can't bring myself to go back. I feel like I would be giving him the go ahead to do what he has planned.

My DH on the other hand doesn't know that I am planning a UC yet. We talked about it last winter but I feel I have too much info to read up on before I could start to inform him. But I am pretty confident he will be ok with it as long as we have some sort of back up plan for if certain things happen or don't happen. He really hates hospitals and doctors and he even told me after he came to my first prenatal that the clinic is "playing the fear card on me" to do all these unnecessary monitoring.

I am ordering the Heart and Hands midwifery book and Susun Weed's The Childbearing Year. I am also getting a doppler. I actually have a pretty good birth kit made up already since I was so gung ho about UC's last winter when I was first researching them. I mostly just need some herbs and PP pads.

[Lynann]

It does sound like the dr is being a little over zealous with the monitoring.

I know that for me privacy and modesty are really big issues in labor, and being able to relax is key to an easy labor, so having people around makes it harder for me. I think it does help us that one of DH's college buddies has had his last 2 unassisted, so he is planning on talking to him about it from the dad's perspective. And my best friend has had her last 2 unassisted and completely alone, and she'll be able to encourage DH on Skype if he needs it on the actual day. I'm not expecting us to need it, as I wouldn't be going unassisted if I though we would need help.

Birthjunkie.com has a list of recommended books for UC so I'll probably get a few of them, and I've got the pdf of the emergency childbirth manual already. (Just need to print that one, so we can read it.) I also have a copy of Spiritual Midwifery already and it has a section on basic midwifery skills. However I am also not trying to become my own midwife. For me it is more about just leaving the whole process alone and letting the baby tell me what they need.

It was such an incredible experience at DS2's birth when I was able to listen to my body tell me very clearly what to do to birth him with his nuchal arm. I've always felt very tuned into my body, even to the point of feeling myself ovulate most months. Having a baby is a continuation of being tuned in to my body, and to the baby.

I am planning to monitor my urine, weight and blood pressure, which I'll start as soon as I get the supplies. I'm also going to get a few herbs for after the birth to help reduce blood loss, as I bled quite a bit (but not over the HB limit) last time and I'd like to prevent that if possible.

Our back up plan for now is that we will find a care provider if at any point we feel the need for one. We also live less than 10 minutes from the biggest hospital in the area, that has a large maternity unit and high level NICU, so if we need help right at the end of labor, or immediately after we don't have far to go. We've also talked about taking a Neonatal resusitation class for just in case, if we can find one.

Here are a few of the websites I've found so far:

Melbourne Doula: Basic Instructions for a Quick or Unassisted Birth

Unassisted Childbirth

Home Birth

UnassistedHomebirth.com

Books To Help Prepare You For Pregnancy and Birth

[BaileyB]

Thanks for the resources! I will have to look those up. We are also only about 15 minutes from our hospital.

[Lynann]

It is nice to have others to share the journey with.

I've been mostly lurking on the UC forum and just started posting there a little, but there doesn't seem to be a lot of activity. I'm not sure I want to go as far as trying to join the private forum yet, although it may be a good resource later on.

We're not planning on telling anyone IRL because we know they will just try to discourage us. We got so much negativity last time just from having a home birth because DS1 was a home birth transfer that turned c-section. (Hard to dilate when a stranger keeps sticking their hand where it doesn't belong) We kept being told we'd end up with another c/s so why not just schedule one so I didn't have to go through labor. I got really close to punching a few people, and I'm normally a very non-violent person. It did feel good bragging about what a great birth we had with DS2 though.

How do you think your DH is going to react to you wanting to UC?

I was so happy when DH came on board with the idea. I really value his support and knew we couldn't do it until he felt comfortable with it. Now I think he is even more excited about it than I am (if that is possible.)

[BaileyB]

The private forum has even less activity. I have been able to find more active info on the home birth forums. We aren't/I am not going to be telling anyone in real life either. No need to, really. I think DH will come around to it. He is more of a worrier so I will need to make sure he knows I am not blindly deciding to do it and that if certain things come up in labor I am willing to transfer. He trusts me and my judgement though and he is not real keen on hospitals and doctors. I didn't think he would be interested in me being a SAHM or homeschooling either but he ended up agreeing with those after doing some researching and such. We have had a huge progression from mainstream ideas to being self-reliant and more natural in the last 3 years, and even a few months ago he asked me if I could do some studying up on some natural healing information and herbal remedies for our family, which I was really shocked to hear.

[BaileyB]

Plus, I think eventually he will realize I haven't been to the doctor for months. haha

[Lynann]

My DH had no idea about alternative health care until we got married. He just never saw a need to go to a doctor unless he was really ill, as in his opinion doctors just give you drugs that make you need more drugs. He has been really open to learning about nutritional therapy and herbs since we started having children. He is the one that is always checking up on me about eating enough protein when I'm pregnant. I love how open he is about staying away from mainstream medicine. DS2 is almost 14 months old and has never seen a doctor. We stopped seeing the Ped with DS1 just before DS2 was born, as she wouldn't listen when we tried to refuse some vaccines. We moved soon after that and just never got around to finding a new doctor, still haven't. Now that I'm not using a midwife there won't be any pressure to find one before this baby comes along either.

Fortunately DH was always on board with me being a SAHM, so much that when I moved over from Scotland after we were married we chose for me not to work before children either, so that we wouldn't get used to a second income. We both want to home school, as the education system here is really terrible, AND more importantly we believe that it is our God given responsibility as the parents to educate our children. We have pretty strong beliefs about how we should raise our family, based on the Bible, and do not want to just hand over our children to strangers who do not agree with those beliefs.

For me UC is just another step in keeping strangers out of our family, and of trusting the Lord and His design of my body. I was made to birth babies, why turn it into a circus!

[BaileyB]

I hope I don't put anyone else off by saying this but we have been finding that a lot of institutions such as mainstream clinics and hospitals, schools, a lot of aspects of government, etc really have been trying to take away decision making power from people for a long time. So we are trying to get away from a lot of those things.

I think part of the reason it was an easy transition to being a SAHM for me is that we moved when we got engaged and I had a hard time finding good employment and was kind of a stay at home fiance and then wife. I really only had a few part time jobs and then we got pregnant 2 months after getting married and I got Hyperemesis and couldn't work anyway.

DD doesn't see a doctor now. Her ped/our "family" doctor is really all about vaccines and the whole clinic is basically. I got sick of trying to fight at every appt so now I will just take her if she is sick or injured. Are you planning on having this baby seen after birth at all? I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to come in right after birth to the birth center/hospital. I am hoping to come in to our "family" doctor at around 2-3 days old for a quick exam and then get outta there.

"For me UC is just another step in keeping strangers out of our family, and of trusting the Lord and His design of my body. I was made to birth babies, why turn it into a circus!"

Exactly!

[aHikaru]

thank you all for sharing info :)... I live 5 minutes away from the hospital where I had a natural vaginal birth with DD, so I know it is possible, I had her 5 hrs after hard labor started and I want to wait a little longer to go to the hospital this time, since DD will be with me because hubby is deployed and I want to prepare for the possibility of an "unplanned home birth", so I do plan to get a kit together in about 3 months... my question is that I feel like my OB/DR is using scare tactics this time around, he keeps on bringing up information from my last pregnancy, (I also have a cyst on my right ovary caused by the pregnancy, which he told me was normal), and I don't think I'll be gaining what I did last time, 28 lbs, because this babe does not like sweets at all... my instinct doesn't feel right and the closest midwife covered by my insurance is 40 minutes away, so my question is, What is your opinion and what would you do? 

[aHikaru]

Originally Posted by BaileyB 

DD doesn't see a doctor now. Her ped/our "family" doctor is really all about vaccines and the whole clinic is basically. I got sick of trying to fight at every appt so now I will just take her if she is sick or injured. Are you planning on having this baby seen after birth at all? I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to come in right after birth to the birth center/hospital. I am hoping to come in to our "family" doctor at around 2-3 days old for a quick exam and then get outta there.

"For me UC is just another step in keeping strangers out of our family, and of trusting the Lord and His design of my body. I was made to birth babies, why turn it into a circus!"

Exactly!

When I had DD at the hospital, her pediatrician came and did her check up on the 3rd day at the hospital... This time I plan to not take the babe until his/her 2 month appt (we do scheduled tax), is that an option for you?

[BaileyB]

Yes, that would be an option but I have to get the rhogam shot anyway within 72 hours after labor. So I figured I would get it all done at once.

[dayiscoming2006]

Originally Posted by BaileyB 

Yes, that would be an option but I have to get the rhogam shot anyway within 72 hours after labor. So I figured I would get it all done at once.

You don't need rhogam unless your baby is Rh+. Is your partner Rh+? If your partner is Rh- then you would also not need rhogam because your baby would be rH-. There are blood typing kits on the birth supply sites. I would get at least 2 to confirm the result and follow the directions carefully. You could use cord blood.

[BaileyB]

I am Rh- and DH is Rh+. Thank you, Dayiscoming, for the blood typing kit info! You can use those on baby you are saying, to find out if the baby is Rh+?

Did you get a BFP!?!?!?! Yay!

[dayiscoming2006]

Originally Posted by BaileyB 

I am Rh- and DH is Rh+. Thank you, Dayiscoming, for the blood typing kit info! You can use those on baby you are saying, to find out if the baby is Rh+?

Did you get a BFP!?!?!?! Yay!

Yes, you can use the kit on baby to find out if you actually need rhogam. It's called an eldon card. And yes, I got my BFP.

[Lynann]

Last time we had a midwife, so she did the new born care for the first 6 weeks.

This time I'm not sure if we'll try to find a family practice doctor (for all of us) and have them do a quick check up. If the baby is doing well, then I don't see why it is necessary to involve a doctor at all. We are planning on getting the newborn scales so we can do most of the monitoring ourselves. I really don't see us going anywhere, even after birth, unless there is a problem.

The one thing I do need to figure out is registering the birth. I don't want to have to take the baby out to the health department at only a few days old. I'd really like to not leave the house at all for at least a few weeks. I know we may have to provide proof that I birthed the baby, so I was thinking we could set up the video camera just before crowning and record the birth. Then if there are any questions we can say we have it on video, although a DNA test would do the same thing if we forget to set up the camera (but I'd rather avoid making the baby give blood.)

Since Florida is a reasonably home birth friendly state I'm hoping we don't have too many hoops to jump through to register the birth.

Not registering isn't really an option for us, as I want my children to still be able to have dual citizenship, and it would be impossible to prove their claim to UK citizenship without registering their birth.

[BaileyB]

Well the topic of UPing came up this morning with DH. It was kind of a coincidence because some clinic bills came from 2 visits I had, one preconception visit for some blood work and then my first prenatal that had an u/s. It was 4 pages long! I can't remember details well but I remember the u/s was $631. We have good insurance but we also pay for it ourselves. I said. "look, the u/s was $631 and he wants to do one every month." DH asked, "Is that what you are going to do or is that what they want you to do?" So we ended up talking for a while about what all they do at check ups and I explained how I had urine test strips at home, was already planning on getting a doppler, that we already have a digital wrist blood pressure cuff, etc., etc. I never did actually say the words, "I am just going to do my own prenatals." But that was the general consensus. Hopefully the rest of our UP/UC conversations can go that and lead into 'this is what I am doing'.

[nstewart]

Originally Posted by BaileyB 

Well the topic of UPing came up this morning with DH. It was kind of a coincidence because some clinic bills came from 2 visits I had, one preconception visit for some blood work and then my first prenatal that had an u/s. It was 4 pages long! I can't remember details well but I remember the u/s was $631. We have good insurance but we also pay for it ourselves. I said. "look, the u/s was $631 and he wants to do one every month." DH asked, "Is that what you are going to do or is that what they want you to do?" So we ended up talking for a while about what all they do at check ups and I explained how I had urine test strips at home, was already planning on getting a doppler, that we already have a digital wrist blood pressure cuff, etc., etc. I never did actually say the words, "I am just going to do my own prenatals." But that was the general consensus. Hopefully the rest of our UP/UC conversations can go that and lead into 'this is what I am doing'.

That's exciting!! 

(not planning to UC, just reading the thread with interest.  Hope that's ok!)