If I recall correctly, your fiancee has a difficult ex, similar to my DH's?
Mediation did not work, for him, because the mediator can't "order" something the parties don't agree to; and it is impossible for DH and his ex to come to agreement. How does mediation work, in your state?
As far as important things to have in the custody order (assuming your DH winds up as the "noncustodial" parent. If he has custody, the pressure's on Mom to get the details she wants into the order):
- Specific times the child will call (or answer a call from) the absent parent, since clearly "unrestricted phone contact" is insufficient wording for this mom. She can't be found in contempt in the future, for failing to comply with a nonspecific order.
- Specific arrangements for how and when to schedule make-up visits and the fact that the NCP is entitled to a make-up visit whether Mom denied the scheduled visit, or Dad needed to reschedule.
- A clear statement that both parents have exactly equal rights to visit and be involved at the child's school; to attend the child's special events regardless whose parenting time it is; to seek medical care for the child during their parenting time; and to access the child's medical, dental, mental health and school records.
- Specifics about who has the right to enroll the child in extracurricular activities, who should pay for them, and whether the child is entitled to attend them during the other parent's time. Include church, if relevant.
- Very specifically define holiday parenting time. Which holidays are shared, and how?
- Specifically define who gets to choose dates of variable parenting time (like summer, if the NCP will have an extended period with the child). Set a deadline for that parent to announce their election. Specify that if the 1st parent misses their deadline, the 2nd parent gets to choose the dates, but must follow the same guidelines (about length of time with each parent).
- Specify how long each parent is allowed to take the child on vacation and that each parent must notify the other when and where they will travel with the child, even if it's during their own parenting time. Specify how far in advance they need to notify each other (perhaps 24 hours for a weekend camping trip during "regular" parenting time, but before the end of the school year, for an extended summer vacation).
- Specify that each parent must notify the other, in writing, of plans to move; a month in advance if it's in-town, but two to three months in advance if it's out of town. The notice must include a reason for the move and the new address (as soon as it's available). The NCP has the right to ask the court to consider changing custody, if the CP's move makes living with the other parent in the child's best interest. In such an event, the extent to which each parent supports the other parent's relationship with the child must be considered a factor in the child's best interest. If that factor isn't already part of your state law, then including a statement like this in a custody order would be the hill I'd want to die on, if it looked like I was going to be the NCP.
Best of luck!!