Just looking for words of encouragement. I posted something long in Personal Growth that I probably will end up deleting because it is just a ridiculous spilling of all the things I see wrong with my life, and in reality, it made me feel worse, not better, so I won't dwell on the specifics.
I am 8w5d right now, and just having a hard time with the pregnancy, not all the time, but maybe 1 day per week, because there were things I wanted to do first, like a surgery I needed. I know that sounds selfish, but I guess if you knew me more, you would understand, so please don't judge.
Don't get me wrong, some days I am overjoyed/beaming. But other days, I don't know how to feel. I am wondering if this is normal? I don't think it is, necessarily, but I'm sure it happens. I guess if I have some encouragement or hear from other women that they were sort of lukewarm at times (because of the shock and the change, not prepared) and now they are very happy with their baby that they are in love with, I will feel better. Honestly, I don't deal well with change AT ALL. While hubby and I were engaged, I was soooo nervous about getting married, and even on my wedding day, I told my dad I was scared, not happy. I question everything (it is a fault) and I am a very anxious person. But now hubby and I are SUPER strong in our marriage and happy together. It's almost like once the engagement was over and we got past the first year, I was more relaxed. I guess I knew I was making the right decision, but it didn't feel good at the time, because I am so OCD about my life and change.
That is perhaps how I feel about this baby....I know it is the right decision to keep the baby, but it didn't happen when I planned it and it's not ideal, so I'm having a hard time with it. And that feels awful. :( I guess I just need a big hug and to be told it is normal to begrudge the challenges of an unplanned pregnancy. That all Moms will go through challenges, but that it's worth it in the end. Again, I feel I "am" making the right decision, I just wish I felt better about it. I have a hard time letting go and enjoying things. If I would have gotten my surgery first, I'd be fine with it, but the surgery was for my sleep quality so now I wonder if I'll ever sleep.
I don't know if any of that makes sense....I am not expecting a lot, just a few words of encouragement, letting me know what a blessing it is to be a Mom, even under not-ideal circumstances..... maybe share an experience, like if you were scared too or if a pregnancy happened at a bad time but you got through it. I don't want to be in this negative mindspace forever, I just need encouragement I think. It is hard to talk to family/friends about this. I just need to hear others' experiences.