Are children growing up too quickly? - Page 5

[meemee]

Originally Posted by beaandbunny05 

By referring to the Internet as a tool, I don't mean using blog sites, etc. where you are interacting with people. I meant simply using search engines such as Google or Bing, where there is no interaction. But I will definitely take into consideration the difference of terms.

i just saw your other thread where you said you are on the road to be a ped. 

words hurt. 

as i tell my dd sometimes they are worse than physical violence. so beware of what you say.

so its even more important that you in your role are even more aware of your speech. 

one of the biggest complaints i hear is talking down to others. not saying you are doing that but its very easy thing to do - even in ignorance - it still is what it is. talking down. now some people may be able to ignore it and move on, but for many they have been talked down to so often that they cannot handle it. 

unfortunately we are not really taught how to communicate with people, especially when we are older and still need to. most people enjoy talking about how they do things, their culture but only if someone is genuinely interested to learn about them, not compare them with their culture and just focus on their differences. its a hard, hard thing to do. to break out of your own mode of perspective and look at someone with whom you differ a 180 degrees. which is the reason why racism is still so strong even today inspite of civil rights. i feel civil rights only gave legal rights, but society hasnt changed much since then. 

but i do want to add - since you are talking and thinking about this - you will make a wonderful kind and sympathetic ped in future 

[beaandbunny05]

A book that I read stated that some people find owls offensive, as well as Mt. Rushmore... With so many things that are considered taboo, how do you make sure that your speech is always clear from things that could be offensive without using technical jargon that no one can understand?

[pek64]

Again, make sure you choose neutral words. And as soon as you see or hear evidence that you have offended, apologize. Then you can let the subject drop and take your cue from the other person. Give that person the last word on the subject. And most importantly, LISTEN. I mean truly listen, where you silence your inner voice that is telling you how right, important, or ok it is that you said what you said. Silence *all* the inner voices, and try to imagine what you are being told, as though you are in the speaker's place and feeling what the speaker is feeling.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by beaandbunny05 

A book that I read stated that some people find owls offensive, as well as Mt. Rushmore... With so many things that are considered taboo, how do you make sure that your speech is always clear from things that could be offensive without using technical jargon that no one can understand?

instead of asking 'why do you find owls offensive?" ask what is your cultures or your view of the owl?

for me the easy way has been - first - to do a lot of inner work on myself. i really really do believe that words are not the primary way we communicate. we communicate first with our body language and then with our words. 

it is not easy to lie. esp. culturally. people can make out the difference between genuine curiosity or curiosity with a purpose. not everybody has the gift of the gab, but they have the choice of how they decide to look at the world. 

like let me ask you. what do you really want to know. do you really want to know what they think of the owl? that is an open ended question. that is a person who really wants to know all aspects of a culture. but when you say why do you find the owl offensive you are stating an opinion and formulating a question through your opinion. see the difference? 

I know Lakota Indians see mount rushmore in a different light. here's an article i found that might help explain http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/rushmore/peopleevents/p_sioux.html

this is the same situation worldwide. ayer's rock or uluru in Australia. same concept http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uluru read esp. under history. 

one other thing is to ask questions purely based on observation. something like when i saw  you look at the owl you made a sign of the cross. I am curious why you did that.

also remember abuse is felt for generations - not just one generation, esp when it has never stopped. so be esp. careful of questions that you ask of Native Americans. it usually brings up a very emotional side of their life. so emotional that its hard for them to speak. sometimes its not that important to know you know. but just to be aware. not all natives feel that way, but many many do. 

sometimes all you need is to go into a culture with a clean mind. dont have questions, dont bring your own culture. just sit and observe when you are amongst them. sometimes silence is the best question and the best answer. 

sometimes the need to know is offensive by itself. many things cant be explained. they just need to be observed. 

not easy huh? very complicated. but its such a beautiful place to be. i recall as a toddler when we went to the park, i'd just sit and observe the kids playing - not ask for explanations - but just watch them and learn if we could use their communication skills we'd never be in teh cycle of war. like dd tells me, ma does there always have to be an answer to the why's?!

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Originally Posted by meemee 

sometimes all you need is to go into a culture with a clean mind. dont have questions, dont bring your own culture. just sit and observe when you are amongst them. sometimes silence is the best question and the best answer. 

I think I'm going to post this on my refrigerator. Thank you, meemee.