I really need some words of wisdom

[terrimorgan]

Hello mamma's, 

I'm 22 weeks pregnant with #4, I have a 18yr old son, a 14yr old daughter and a 1yr old baby boy and we live in a 3 bedroom house in London.

I'm worrying myself sick over what will happen when #4 is born in early march. The problem is there is nowhere for baby to go. ATM the baby is in my bedroom with DH and myself in a cot next to my side of the bed. I cant really put 1yr old in with his brother or sister because he still wakes in the night and will disturb them.

I just don't know how I'm going to cope, I know it sounds silly but its really getting me down. Is it possible to share a bedroom with a newborn and a toddler? Will they wake eachother up? I  already suffer with depression and it sounds silly to others, but all the worry over where the new baby will sleep is making it worse.

I suffered with crippling PND after the birth of my last baby and was put on Venlafaxine which worked but I had to come off of it when I fell with this pregnancy. My Dr changed my meds to Sertraline which is safer in pregnancy but not without risks and it doesn't work as well. I feel like I'm falling over the edge again and its terrifying me :( 

I really want to BF the new baby as well, I couldn't with the last one due to the meds I was on and it feels like this pregnancy is going the same way

I suppose what I'm asking for is for someone to tell me it will be ok, I just don't know what to do

Thanks for reading, Terri xxx

[SweetSilver]

We did it.  

Yes, we woke each other up a bit.  Some mamas can nurse and cuddle their way through the night, with minimal disturbance.  I could never quite relax into nighttime nursing, though.  My youngest, like yours, did her own share of waking up, too.  Still, I think we slept better than we would have in separate rooms, and we had naps during the day and early bedtime.

I'm not familiar with the medication.  Is it safe to use while bedsharing?  Just something to think about.

Good luck!  I had 2 kids, but my sister had 4 like you, and her youngest didn't have a bedroom of her own until she was about 9!  She never seemed to mind, though.

[Littlebmama]

Is a cot in the hallway out of the question?  That way the baby is near you but not waking up the older siblings.  I know my mother slept on a cot in the living room for many years when she was growing up.  I know it might not be ideal but it will not be forever.  Maybe give yourself permission to see how things go when the new baby comes home and know that you might have to make some adjustments to your plan.  Have a starting point and know that you might make some improvements to your plan along the way.  It sounds like your children have a loving mother who is concerned for their well being and that is really all they need. 

It is great that you are thinking ahead and looking out for possible difficulties you may face, but allow yourself the hope that things might be different this time.  Do you have a support group for mothers that you can attend?  Having some women to share your situation with might be a great help. 

Sending you hugs!
 

[Littlebmama]

Any updates mama? How are things going?

[susanmary]

Hi Terri,
I read your post last night and have been thinking about you since. I can feel the anxiety and negative thinking leaping out as I read your words. You sound like such a caring mother and I really sympathesise with your PND. I'm a health professional and have met so many wonderful people who have experienced PDP.

I just had a few thoughts about your situation. Firstly, I understand your concern about not having a spare room, but I honestly think it will work itself out quite naturally within 3 weeks of your new baby's arrival. There are so many toddlers and babies sharing rooms with their parents. I suggest you also sit down with your older teenagers and explain your concern, who knows ... maybe your son or daughter will offer to sleep in the living room for the first few months so that your toddler will have a quiet room for his earlier bed time. If that's isn't an option, you will all adjust with time to having the baby and toddler in the same room.

I would also very strongly suggest that you seek extra support for yourself as soon as possible with a clinical psychologist trained in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). The success rate of CBT alongside medication and sometimes instead of medication continues to be documented in research trials. Your GP can refer or you could find a private clinical psychologist by looking at the British psychological societies web page. In the mean time, I suggest you wrap up warm and take lots of nice walks with your little one. :-D

Take care Terri,
Susan

[terrimorgan]

Hi mamma's, thanks so much for all your advice, I think I'm over thinking at the moment. I KNOW everything will be ok because we are not the first parents to share a bedroom with a toddler and a newborn, nor will we be the last. Susan, thank you for your advice, I've had CBT before, it wasn't for me as after I was raped I had it and it just made it worse, talking and thinking about it all the time. I think I need to just accept the situation for what it is and deal with it, yes, there is a strong possibility that the PND will come back but it's not a given. As long as I keep on with my meds and keep an eye on myself I'll be ok.

Thanks everyone xxx

[susanmary]

Big hugs to you Terri. You are so right...it's not a given! It's so hard not to over think things like this when pregnant. Lots of positive thoughts going your way! :-D Susan