Originally Posted by Kate&Joey
I have a question about this "reconciliation counseling." Does it actually mean she wants to reconcile with your DH??? Or is it a type of "how can we co-parent effectively" type thing? And doesn't she live far away? How are they supposed to attend these sessions? Is your DH supposed to fly to her every week?!?
She didn't say exactly. But she lives very far away, so I assume she planned to attend by phone or Skype?
In the past, when she's been on the outs with other support sources (as it sounds like she is now), she has indeed abruptly stopped battling with my husband and suggested they "reconcile" and even have another baby! As though she truly thinks, for convenience, two people might simply resume their marriage where they left off, regardless of the crazy lies, false accusations and parental alienation. Of course, last time Mom proposed that, DH wasn't married to someone else. She's difficult as heck, but not actually insane, so surely she doesn't think they might get back together.
Most likely, she means she and DH should stay out of court. She complained that he always refuses her offers of counseling, so he must be ordered to go. Translation: "See? I'm the cooperative one. The only real problem here is that he doesn't try to resolve problems, except by going to court."
When in truth, since DH has had custody, she requests counseling as a way to avoid following court orders. Ex.: "Please send DSS's coverage document from your health insurance, which you're required to give me. You said he had dental, but all his dentist bills have been rejected."... "I don't like your tone of blame. Let's see a counselor together, so we can discuss this in a healthy way." Translation: "You may as well quit asking about this, because the only way I'll respond is if you pony up $100/hr. for a mediator."
Then again... She has gone through a couple periods, during our marriage, of trying to be physically affectionate when she sees DH and talking as though they still have some sort of bond. She wrote him something to the effect that "she knew he, too was grieving over their circumstances". It wasn't clear what she meant, but coupled with the hair-tousling and attempts at hugging, it gave DH the willies in a big way.
And DH and I argue, like most couples. Sometimes it's just a good, heated debate over a topic that interests us both; other times we're actually angry. It wouldn't surprise me at all if DSS reports every disagreement to Mom - not to be disloyal, necessarily, but because he knows that kind of thing would please her and he's pretty invested in trying to tell her whatever keeps her happy. Mom has no first-hand objective information about DH's and my relationship and she does a lot of sitting, stewing and scheming about things. She may have convinced herself we're on the verge of breaking up. And getting back together with DH would be a much surer and less expensive way to get her kid back, than going through the courts. She has certainly planned stranger things, before.
The important thing is, the judge had the sense to order regular mediation, not counseling.
But it is just yucky weird.